There's a freshman at my college that I've just started to become friends with, and she's the cutest thing! She's really pretty and really nice and all that, thought she's a little quiet and hard to crack out of her shell, but she's started warming up to me a little. I met her at my college's GSA, (and not to fall into stereotypes, but she has a pixie cut, wears flannel sometimes, and has a studded leather jacket, so she seems hella less "straight" than most of the girls on campus). BUT I know for a fact that she's had at least one boyfriend as recently as 2013 (though her Facebook status says she's single now). And she hasn't actually said anything that tells me she might be interested in girls at all, but like I mentioned, I don't know her that well yet since she's so quiet. Right now I just want to focus on becoming friends with her, but I just want to know as soon as possible to avoid future heartbreak if she DOES swing that way or not so I'd know not to get any hopes up. It would be just my luck to have met a girl I think is cute AT the GSA, and she turns out to be straight. What should I do??
Though obviously I can't get inside her head, my bet would be that she's at least questioning. Some of my first tentative moves out were going to meetings of gay-related organizations, because it was an environment where I knew people would make the assumption that I wasn't straight and maybe approach me, but I got to keep the security blanket of knowing that if I happened to run into someone I wasn't ready to be out to there, I could claim to be an ally. The subtle nods at stereotypical lesbian clothing is another good sign. I wouldn't necessarily read much into the boyfriend, particularly since she's a freshman and may have been waiting to act on any doubts she had about her sexuality until she was a bit farther away from home. To me, all signs point to "proceed with caution, but by all means proceed." Do you only see her in the context of GSA meetings? It seems like that'd be a pretty safe space to talk about sexuality if there's time for small group/one on one discussions. A strategy that might draw her out without spooking her would be to share a bit about your own identity and where you are in that process. If you offer up your own experience, she may respond with hers. If there are other, more informal queer-related events in your town/at your school, you could ask her if she's heard about them/is planning on going to them. If that doesn't work, you'll probably have to eventually bite the bullet and just ask her, framing it if you want as a "not wanting to assume just because she was at GSA event..." thing.
It's possible she's questioning, I guess. And she could always be bi--I'm more wary of this because of my luck with girls, but a good person won't cheat even if they're bi. I've been seeing her a little bit outside of the GSA meetings. I've been trying to become friends with her without coming on too strong, especially since she seems to be in the same boat as I was as a freshman where she doesn't really have a friend group yet, and her roommate is just coexisting with her. She's a first year in Japanese and she knows I'm a third year, and she's been trying to come to our campus's Japan club. Whenever there's something she doesn't know about, like when/where the club is meeting or how to get homecoming tickets, she'll text me and ask me. I also have also gone exploring downtown with her and the president of our GSA, and we're talking about hanging out again soon. Plus, she was really fascinated after the first GSA meeting of the year after I introduced myself that I draw portraits of volunteers that I pay in coffee! :lol: I think she's just being friendly, so far. And I'm cool with just being friends--I've had too much romance drama lately. But I'm glad she's warming up to me! She seems fairly happy whenever she sees me--she doesn't say much, but she always gets this huge smile when she sees me, and now that I think about it, she's been trying to sit by me at the GSA meetings for the past few times. At homecoming, she even danced a lot with me and my friends for a while! Mostly me, and when a conga line we joined separated, she came back over after when she found me again.
sounds like a good start! does she know about your orientation? that would definitely help because it means that the way she acts around you will be more calculated (if she does something that could be interpreted as flirty it's more likely it was intentional than simply accidental) with the added benefit of her knowing that you're available ^^ if she doesn't, the GSA is a good backdrop for letting her know. this is probably my biggest tip if you haven't so far, since getting really close and then her finding out could result in her feeling uncomfortable and wondering if she's been leading you on. knowing about you means she can progress at her own pace in the relationship while she's figuring out her own identity. but maybe she already knows, in which case all of the above is a little meaningless. i don't really have much else to offer though because it seems to be going well between the two of you. if nothing else you'll have made a friend all the best!
