Why does he have to mess with my head?

So quite a while back I posted about a guy that I had been majorly crushing on who happens to be straight. I went to a dance at my school the other day and the whole night, no joke there was a train of girls following me around, telling me I was cute, complimenting my dancing, etc. So I was chatting with him in the lockerroom during a free period and he asked me why I didn't go for them, and when I gave a vague answer he asked me if I wanted him to set me up with one of his friends. I said that there might be a certain barrier there, and when he asked what, I just kind of blurted out that I was gay.

He took it pretty well, but he's kind of new to the whole gay thing so he was kind of ignorant. I told him it was fine and we had a pretty deep talk about it. On the way home we were with friends so we didn't talk about anything remotely related to the subject at all, but when I got home he texted me. I'll just transcribe the convo for you:

- (him) Hi. Umm, sorry if I reacted wrongly to you coming out to me today
- (me) No worries
- Great. That makes me happy
- Lol don't worry about it. Honestly as long as you didn't reject me then I wouldn't care. That's the main reason why I didn't tell you sooner
- Fair enough
- Yeah I guess so. We never got to finish that convo in school though, So if there's anything you wanna know then shoot
- So would you be interested in a male partner if you found one that you liked?
- Uh, yes? Lol I mean if I liked someone and I knew they were gay would I go for them then yes
- So are you not attracted to girls? Sorry if my questions sound really ignorant
- Lol that's okay. I personally think that it would be easier for me to be in a relationship with a girl. Like with [ex gf's name] I liked her emotionally but I guess I was never physically attracted to her, our school just basically pushed us together. So I wouldn't say I'm attracted to girls per se but I can recognize that they're pretty and stuff like that. Like I can recognize that Ariana Grande is smoking hot but that doesn't mean I'm attracted to her, just like if you were to say that a guy was handsome doesn't mean you're into them
- So just to clarify, [female teacher] is hot. But you wouldn't be turned on by her if she was wearing a low rise shirt and bending over on a desk?
- Yeah.
- Thanks. That's about as personal as I'll get so as not to intrude your private life?
- Honestly I don't care. It feels nice to talk about it with someone. [best friend] constantly asking me about boys I like gets kind of boring lol.
- so, not to be [best friend], but are there boys you like?
- no worries at the moment, yes
- so not to be [best friend], but who are they? If you don't wanna tell that's fine
- As long as you promise not to tell?
- cross my heart
- [New crush]
- fair enough. I know I'd go for [cute friend].
- Haha I mean [cute friend] is cute but I don't think id do that to him
- I thought it would be [cute friend] haha
- And truth be told for a while I had a crush on you
- I can understand that. ;-)
- Oh please.
- There were days when I pondered being gay, and I knew that if there was any guy I was interested in, it was you

Okay. What the fuck. What the actual, legitimate fuck. My brain just turned to mush, I didn't answer for quite a while because I was just sitting there trying to process what he had said. Then he went on to ask me if I watched porn, what kind and if it turned me on, and he probably would have progressed farther had I not asked him to stop because it was getting awkward. So he apologized and told me he was happy for me and would be there for me.

Keep in mind, he has a girlfriend. And now I can't even think about my new crush, because as soon as I finally think I've gotten over him he goes and does this and now my brain just refuses to function. Like, wtf. Sorry if this doesn't make any sense, I'm just spewing word vomit. :bang:

 

Lol thanks SomeNights

Shinji, thank you for your comment. I don't know if his actual logic behind this is prey off of me to feel better about himself, but maybe I'm just hoping he's serious. I'll try and heed your advice but it can be kind of hard to do - we share most of our classes and a lot of the times we interacted were kind of awkward on my part. So what you're saying is that I should play hard to get? He's also kind of touchy feely, and I thought that once I told him I was into him he would lay off it. But it seems like he had his hands all over me today and I don't really know what to make of that. He was playing with my hair, putting his hand on my shoulder and my back, and I just tried to ignore it. Meh.

I'm not sure how I'm giving him too much "freedom", but I'll try not to act lovey dovey around him.

 

Today was relatively normal. When he was around me he pretty much acted the same as he usually did. In class, he tends to be pretty attentive and smiley, but today he was pretty quiet. i.e. In one of our classes, the teacher constantly makes jokes and he (my crush) has always laughed at them, but today even when the whole class was cracking up he was just kind of sitting there silently and avoided eye contact with everyone, and during another class he was being uncharacteristically silent and when the teacher asked if he was okay he said "Yeah, I was just thinking."

Otherwise he was pretty normal. In a group of friends he was talking about his gf but all the while we were kind of unnecessarily touching, like his body was right up against mine. I tried to strike a balance between flirty and hard-to-get like Shinji suggested, but I'm not really good at masking my feelings. If anything, today was kind if hurtful.

And good luck to you Rockky with your situation. And tumbler, thanks. I hope so :icon_wink

 

So I finally confronted him about it... And it didn't turn out too well for me.

We were walking home together and I just stopped him. I told him that I still liked him, and that when he had sent me that text he had got my hopes up. I told him I knew he was happy with his girlfriend and I didn't want to be a wedge but that I wanted to know if this was something we should pursue or just to let it go. He basically told me that it wasn't going to happen (just in a much nicer way than it might be read), and that he was sorry for leading me on. He said that he was flattered and that no one had ever actually admitted they liked him, and he hugged me. Then we just went back to normal conversation.

I'm still not entirely convinced he doesn't have some underlying feelings for me, but I'll let it happen as it happens. It wasn't the answer I wanted, but it was what I expected so I was okay with it and pretty happy that this didn't dent our friendship. It may not have turned out the way I wanted to for me, but I hope you guys might have some better luck