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Not sure what to do anymore!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by MeSoFly, Oct 20, 2014.

  1. MeSoFly

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    So I've been in a relationship just over a year and a half now and things between us have been both good and bad. Well the main stress in our relationship is her kids. They do whatever they want when they want regardless of what rules we have in place and when it comes to school they either half-ass their homework or outright lie and say they don't have it when they do. We have tried grounding them and taking away their electronic devices and still no change. She normally chalks up everything wrong they do to the fact they are just kids and thinks I expect too much out of them. There have been so many times where I have wanted to leave because of the kids. Then I sit and think it is not fair to her to be punished for the things her kids do. Not sure what to do anymore but I know my patience is gone now.
     
  2. DarkestDream

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    My partner is the same way. She can't seem to recognize that I'm an equal partner in the relationship, that means STEP PARENT. I'm not gonna run off with the kids, and they won't hate her if she puts her foot down, but she can't see that, so she gives in a lot. I'm usually the bad guy. It took a LOT of talking, a LOT of explaining. I told her that the kids will respect her MORE if she takes a stern hand, and doesn't give in just because they changed their attitude in five minutes. They have to learn that their behavior and choices have consequences. It's definitely hard being a step parent! (*hug*)
     
  3. MeSoFly

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    Yeah I know the bad guy feeling all to well. She gives into them a lot or makes decision without always consulting me and it drives me crazy. They will go to her to ask to so they have been grounded from bc she will say yes even though they are grounded.
     
  4. DarkestDream

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    Don't LEAVE though...put HER on a 'time out'. Explain to her that if she's not willing to let you take the initiative with the kids, and follow through, then you're gonna step back, and stay to yourself for a bit. That's what I've done from time to time, and it usually makes my partner think about priorities, and reminds her of my role in the relationship.
     
  5. MeSoFly

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    We have done the time out thing before we didn't talk for a little over a month and a half and things were good for about a month after that and now we are right back at the same spot.
     
  6. DarkestDream

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    If she still doesn't want to come to a compromise with you on anything, then she needs to understand how this will affect your future together, and that is, there might not be one. You've loved her, you've made exceptions for the kids, and for her...she needs to recognize that you fit into the equation too. If she can't, then how can you continually accept what's happening, with no resolution. She has to think of you, too.
     
  7. MeSoFly

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    Very true and I think she does think of me at times but only when I'm making a fuss about the kids or something and even then when I fuss at them she gets mad.
     
  8. DarkestDream

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    I actually got told a few times, 'I'M they're mother, you're not'. She didn't want to stop their misbehavior, but rather stop ME from taking charge. There was jealousy on her part because her kids started listening to me more willingly than her. She didn't realize that by giving in to them, they were NEVER going to listen to her, not the way she needed them to.
     
  9. MeSoFly

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    I haven't gotten that yet but I have been holding back my thoughts somewhat because I don't want to sound like an ass
     
  10. DarkestDream

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    I'll be keeping good thoughts for you, I hope you both can work this out! (*hug*)