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How to handle being attracted to unavailable peope

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by MarthRoyIke, Oct 21, 2014.

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  1. MarthRoyIke

    MarthRoyIke
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    I know this is a common theme - homosexuals feeling attractions to unavailable and exclusively straight friends - but I just need a little encouragement on my personal issues in getting past this stage.

    I had this problem before with one of my best friends in college. At the time and even now he checks all the boxes I look for in a guy; smart, funny, kind, nerdy, short, hairy, etc. I'm not exactly sure how I got over him, whether it was time or the very involved LTR I was in, but even now I still get somewhat excited when he calls or shows me special attention.

    One time in college I went out with him and some other friends to a lounge for a beer and good music. They had these small tables we sat at to watch the live performers. At some point my best friend grazed my arm with his forearm in the perfect way. Completely accidental and unnoticed by him, but it was so right; the right amount of pressure, the feeling of his forearm hair, the warmth... It drove me nuts! I spent the next 30 minutes trying to think of some way to make that happen again without being weird or outting myself.

    Another time I was at the beach with the same group. We were chillin' on the sand, people watching, when the same best friend decided to test the temperature of the water. As he was walking back, I don't know if it was the light, or the sea air, or his gait, whatever, I found myself staring at him, literately 'lost' in his image. So lost, I only caught myself when he started to make a puzzled face as he walked back. It was very hard to come up with a plausible reason why I had stars in my eyes staring at him on the beach.

    At work I have a coworker who is giving me these same feelings of 'happiness'. He checks all of those same boxes, but is just as unavailable as my best bro. Just like before, I find myself staring, feeling 'happier' when he's at work, and avoiding any physical contact, no matter how brief or innocuous, because I don't think I can handle him finding out. It's super exciting but super frustrating, as I have no outlet for these feelings.

    I'm not sure what exactly I'm asking, but does anyone else have a story or moment similar to one like these? Those who found a great partner; did it feel like this when it started? How do I learn from these moments so I can stop being awkward around guys I like?
     
    #1 MarthRoyIke, Oct 21, 2014
  2. Rainbows~Exist

    Rainbows~Exist
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    I feel you. At this present time I have a MASSIVE crush on this guy at school and it kills me that he's straight... :/ If he ever talks to me (on the bus or in our computing lessons where he sits next to me :3) I always reply with something dumb like "uh yeah" or just hastily answer any questions he asks me. One time I started talking to him online and he sent me a ':wink:' and I felt my little heart flutter... I wish I could help you but unfortunately I'm going through the same thing -_-
     
    #2 Rainbows~Exist, Oct 21, 2014
  3. SimpleTim

    SimpleTim Guest

    How do you know these people are exclusively straight? Are they with someone else?

    I have also felt this crazy infatuation feeling. Sometimes, my limerent behaviour and efforts reel them in as a friend. Once, I buckled down and confessed that I was gay. I was shocked when he stated he was bi-sexual.

    I guess you never know until you bring it up.
     
    #3 SimpleTim, Oct 21, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 21, 2014
  4. MarthRoyIke

    MarthRoyIke
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    I've known my best friend for over a decade now; I assure you he's very into girls, not to mention happy in a very long term, committed relationship.

    My coworker is also in a long term, committed relationship, and that would be inappropriate anyway; we work together.
     
    #4 MarthRoyIke, Oct 21, 2014
  5. Chromedome

    Chromedome
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    When you are attracted to men and a guy whom you don't know if he feels the same way communicates with you, you just go wild with everything he does. If he touches your shoulder and looks into your eyes to tell you something important, you feel a connection when he may just be telling you something, a friendly pat on the back feels like a massage, when you sit next to him and your leg touches his leg you feel a warm breeze flow through your body, and when his had accidentally touches yours, doves fly.
     
    #5 Chromedome, Oct 21, 2014
  6. SimpleTim

    SimpleTim Guest

    I'm sorry, I didn't realize that they were in committed relationships.

    That is quite a predicament. It would seem like the best option would be to tell him that your gay, and to please stop (?) or something, but I can see how complicated that could become, and awkward with them having a straight relationship.

    I'm not sure what to say.

    Good luck :icon_wink
     
    #6 SimpleTim, Oct 21, 2014
  7. mangotree

    mangotree
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    The best way I've found to stop infatuation is to try to focus on the person's faults instead their dreamy attributes.
     
    #7 mangotree, Oct 21, 2014
  8. PurpleGrey

    PurpleGrey
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    Despite my vast vast experience with unrealistic crushes, I never seem to learn from a single one. I may think I've learned, but I haven't.

    My best strategy for shaking a crush is to find a different target for my obsession. As you can imagine, it's a dumb strategy.
     
    #8 PurpleGrey, Oct 22, 2014
  9. resu

    resu
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    I also do this. Also, put yourself in their shoes. What if a straight person of the opposite sex was attracted to you? Wouldn't you want them to get over it since nothing can ever happen? I think the best option is to find some gay friends and starting expanding your network. Not everyone is straight...
     
    #9 resu, Oct 23, 2014
  10. Fantie

    Fantie Guest


    this + mastrubation
     
    #10 Fantie, Oct 24, 2014
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