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Help Me Help Others

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by XTREMEZish, Oct 23, 2014.

  1. XTREMEZish

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    So since I have started high school, a lot of my old friends are back, but now, halfway through the semester. People are having problems. I am really good at faking that I care and giving advice that I just say to make you feel better. I'm not necessarily what you would call a comforting person. I do care for them I just can't express that I care. I am one of those people that hate being sad or stressed and use comedy to cope with everything. So when I see one of my friends and I really try to care, it usually comes off with me accidentally trying to make a dark situation humors. I want to help them but can't. I shown real empathy for some people but not too many. Any advice on how to comfort others?
     
  2. PatrickUK

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    Offer time and space and listen. More often than not people who are upset or distressed want to be heard, they want someone to take time to listen to them. Sounds easy doesn't it? Actually it's not. To set aside time to really pay attention without getting distracted yourself (by text messages, Facebook alerts, Tweets etc.) is not that easy at all. To listen, without chipping in to talk about yourself and your own experiences is also difficult for some people. It might seem helpful to talk about what's happened to you, but if someone is upset and already struggling to be heard it can come across very differently.

    Humour is okay sometimes and even when people are really low they can find it within themselves to say something quite funny about life or their situation. That's fine, if they are leading the humour, but not so fine if you are. If you're the one to crack jokes it might come across as flippant or distracting.

    Listening is often more important than advice giving. Focusing on what someone is saying to you, responding with care and concern and asking questions to understand better will mean far more than a few words of quick advice. Often the best time to give advice is if/when you are asked for it. The better approach is to ask your friends what they want to do or would like to do, rather than jumping in to say what you would do.

    Hope this makes sense and helps a little... and good on your for being concerned enough to ask.
     
    #2 PatrickUK, Oct 24, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2014