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Gay friend doesn't like me

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by FelixJay, Oct 24, 2014.

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  1. FelixJay

    FelixJay
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    So I've had a crush on this guy in my year at school for about 5 weeks say. 2 weeks ago I asked him out, and he turned me down, saying I was too annoying. I was speaking to him on Facebook 30 mins ago, and he was explaining to me why he said no. Turns out that he is gay, just not interested in me, which is a shame :icon_sad:. He hasn't told me anything else. I of course agreed not to tell anyone, I'm the first and only guy he's told so far. The reason he gave for rejecting that was that I was too annoying. So if I was less annoying and nicer to him, do you think he would start to like me? I'm very confused about what to do, especially since I really like him. I do completely believe him, I don't think he'd lie about that? How far should I go to make him like me? :help:

    P.S. He's the same age as me, 13-14 ish
     
    #1 FelixJay, Oct 24, 2014
  2. Rainbows~Exist

    Rainbows~Exist
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    Listen, if you're just being yourself and he finds it annoying then that's his problem not yours. You don't have to change who you are for anyone. Just face it, he isn't into you and changing yourself and pretending to be someone who you're not isn't going to help.
     
    #2 Rainbows~Exist, Oct 24, 2014
  3. FelixJay

    FelixJay
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    People do generally find me annoying so it's something I want to work on overall. Also I'm pretty desperate and really like him a lot (bad grammar I know)
     
    #3 FelixJay, Oct 24, 2014
  4. Rainbows~Exist

    Rainbows~Exist
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    I feel you. I've been in a situation sort of like this before but trust me, faking to be be someone different won't work.
     
    #4 Rainbows~Exist, Oct 24, 2014
  5. FelixJay

    FelixJay
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    Ok, he hasn't said who he likes anyway. Perhaps he might like me in the future, which is something that can keep me happy
     
    #5 FelixJay, Oct 24, 2014
  6. PatrickUK

    PatrickUK
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    Well has he actually qualified what he means by "annoying"? If not, where exactly would you start on changing your supposedly annoying ways to suit him? If you are going to change, you at least need to know where to start, don't you?. My honest opinion is that you shouldn't change though. If he doesn't like you for the person you are now you shouldn't go jumping through hoops to try to please him or make him like you... once you start doing that for people, you will never stop, believe me. Be yourself and like yourself FelixJay.
     
    #6 PatrickUK, Oct 24, 2014
  7. FelixJay

    FelixJay
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    Good point Patrick. I do know what he means, and they are generally 'negative points':
    • I don't always respect people's personal space
    • I talk about topics of niche interest
    • I talk about people I like too much
    • I don't always listen to other people

    So yeah, I think general points for personal improvement. What do you think?

    ---------- Post added 24th Oct 2014 at 08:43 PM ----------

    Very wise words though
     
    #7 FelixJay, Oct 24, 2014
  8. PatrickUK

    PatrickUK
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    Personal improvement is a good thing FelixJay and I applaud anyone who sets out to better themselves in some way... just make sure you are doing it for yourself and the right sort of reasons. Changing to impress or please other people is not, in my opinion, the right sort of reason. Doesn't matter how hot they are.
     
    #8 PatrickUK, Oct 24, 2014
  9. FelixJay

    FelixJay
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    I understand that. Off school next week so got a week to think about things. My thinking is that by helping myself be a better person it will generally make me a kinder and more approachable/likeable guy

    ---------- Post added 24th Oct 2014 at 09:14 PM ----------

    it's improving likeability, not being more popular
     
    #9 FelixJay, Oct 24, 2014
  10. resu

    resu
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    Yes, focus on bettering yourself so that whenever you try to pursue a relationship in the future, maybe with this guy or someone else, you have things to offer. Also, talking about niche interests isn't that bad; you might just be talking to people who aren't as curious as you.
     
    #10 resu, Oct 24, 2014
  11. C06122014

    C06122014 Guest

    Ok I'm just going to say this ok, DO NOT CHANGE FOR ANYONE! You, although I have never met you, are probably amazing and if he doesn't see that it's fine. Now, I'm no saying go on and be mean to him but let what's going to happen, well…happen :slight_smile:
     
    #11 C06122014, Oct 24, 2014
  12. FelixJay

    FelixJay
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    Haha, yeah, I know what you mean. I'm thinking of myself when I came out, and he was a pig (not literally). Until he realises how amazing I really am :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: I guess I'll just keep being friends with him. Thanks guys! Please let me know if you've got any more advice.
     
    #12 FelixJay, Oct 25, 2014
  13. wardrobeescaper

    wardrobeescaper
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    Felix only change things about yourself for you not to please him. He's already decided you're not for him. Your 13 and still discovering yourself, go out there and get into an LGBT group or somthing
     
    #13 wardrobeescaper, Oct 25, 2014
  14. FelixJay

    FelixJay
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    I understand
     
    #14 FelixJay, Oct 27, 2014
  15. Fantie

    Fantie Guest

    .
     
    #15 Fantie, Oct 27, 2014
  16. Sepina

    Sepina
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    Like Felix said, don't change for him or anyone, if the idiot turned you down because he found you "annoying" don't waste anymore time on him. Though ask yourself "why does he find me annoying?" Does anyone else say this apart from him? If you are willing to 'better' yourself because of what he said. Do it on your own terms. Take a step back and look the whole picture..

    Cheers, H
     
    #16 Sepina, Oct 27, 2014
  17. FelixJay

    FelixJay
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    Ok, update:
    He's now here and posted http://emptyclosets.com/forum/family-friends-relationships/156445-boy-my-year.html and I've been talking. Let me explain in a diagram

    ----A----
    ---/-\---
    --/---\--
    -/-----.-
    B------C
    |--------
    |--------
    |--------
    D-------

    Ok, so, crushes are going from the bottom to the top. I am D, and I fancy B. B fancies A. B thinks C might fancy A, but A doesn't like C. B is 60% sure A likes him. D wishes that either C and A get together, or A is definitely straight, and B goes out with D. Understand?
     
    #17 FelixJay, Oct 27, 2014
  18. resu

    resu
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    LOL, this is like a mini soap opera!
     
    #18 resu, Oct 27, 2014
  19. FelixJay

    FelixJay
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    I know what you mean
     
    #19 FelixJay, Oct 28, 2014
  20. Blossom85

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    I do agree with others when they said don't change for anyone other then yourself.. If you can see negative things you do that you want to change for yourself, then work on improving yourself, however you shouldn't force yourself to change for anyone else as it wouldn't work out if you were being someone other then your true self. Not everyone you come into contact with is going to like you and it's sad that someone you really like doesn't want to go out with you for certain reasons, however I think just be yourself and like I said.. If you wanna change for yourself, then good for you.. But make sure it is for the right reasons.
     
    #20 Blossom85, Oct 28, 2014
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