A Prayer for a Friend

As I have posted in previous threads, as a teenager, I had a relationship with a best friend that evolved from plutonic to intimate; where neither one of us at the time were really able to handle the relationship and, in the end, we went our own separate ways. We did not see each other nor speak for over 20 years; and a year ago, around the time after I had come out to myself, he coincidentally reached out to me.

From my perspective, he was a beautiful person with a kind and selfless heart. He did not have a mean bone in his body. He was handsome, strong and had an abundance of character.

In many respects, his path through life turned out to be quite similar to mine. He married (two marriages actually for him), moved to a foreign country, had two kids, a promising career.

While he had so much to give, however, his search for love seemed to have gone unresolved.

His last marriage broke up about the same time I left my marriage. His breakup was not by his choice, his second wife left him. Around the time his marriage broke up, he lost his job, and he was drinking heavily. His ex wife got custody of his kids, and he was struggling to secure another job (although, by all accounts, he was not looking too hard).

About he reached out, I flew him out so we could get together and catch up on life. We spent about a week together. We hashed through our history. For me, it was a time of clarity and resolution; for him, I think it added to his own confusion. As he explained to me, he continued to struggle with his sexuality while at the same time also struggled with his gender; he never was able to figure out whom he was.

Over the past year, we would connect on and off, his struggle was ongoing. I tried to be supportive, provided an ear as best I could and he was also getting outside help. He was in a foriegn country, however, with no family nor friends close by, alone with no shoulder to rest his head on. He continued to drink. He also went out, regularly had reckless sex and, to add to his challanges, recently contracted HIV.

In the past few months, contact with him became less and less. Despite my attempts, responses were not forthcoming. As recently as this past week, I reached out but received no reply.

This morning, I woke up to a text that he had passed. I do not have any of the details of his passing and can only speculate. This morning I am sad. He was such a gentle sole, a good and giving person. Unfortunately, he never found what he was looking for.

To my friend, you always had and will always have a place in my heart. May you rest in peace.

 

Thanks for the thoughts. As the day progresses, and as I try to just get on with things, I am getting more emotional, mad and disappointed. This is the second friend from my youth that has passed needlessly. We all need to be comfortable and free in our own skin. So much progress is being made today for the LGBT community. But more needs to be done. No one should feel threatened, ashamed, bullied or misplaced. I am so happy to see marriage equality continue to progress, but anti discrimination policies need to continue to be applied further, educational programs need to be established in schools, parents need to wake up and show their kids love regardless of sexuality and gender, youth need to know that it is ok to be true to yourself and be proud to be whomever you want to be - with no repercussions. There is so much more that needs to be done!