I'm hopeless

Hi everyone.

This is my first time here. I don't know why I'm posting this since I know no one can help but I guess I just need someone to listen to me at this very moment.
I live in a country named morocco where being gay is punished by law, sometimes it can go to 5 years in prison. But I'd rather go to prison than to face the looks of society towards gays, cause being gay is far worse than murderinf someone. I will try to be brief explaining my story.

I'm almost 19 and I met someone who's a neighbour and we've been seeing each other for quite sometime. I know I can't change what I am but he (the other guy); like most people here, think it's an illness and it's just something he does and it'll go away afterwards, so later he can get married and have kids.. Anyway, so as we both still live with our parents we can't do anything in front o them. So most of the time to kiss and be romantic with each other and have sex we go to an empty spot on the beach when it's dark. It's been like this since we met but something today changed eveything. We were kissing and a neighbour that knows us both saw us as he was coming with his girlfriend too. We didin't see him and eveything was normal. Before I got home my little sister came crying and running to me telling me that this persone told everyone including dad and that dad and the neighbours were looking for me to kill me to protect his honour and the hounour of the neighbourhood, I got very very scared and before I even started thinking some guys came and started to beat the shit out of me and yelling we got one we got one ! Call his dad so he can kill him now. A few moments later I saw dad sooo angry coming at me with a big iron thing in hand yelling why why ? When I saw him I just knew I was really gonna die and I somehow managed to escape them and started running and running cars stopped to let me go as I was covered in blood. I phoned my sister later and she told me I was a disgrace but she'll always support me. She also told me that my boyfriend had taken up a very serious beating and that they called the police to come and put him in jail. I was relieved a little cause he wasn't dead but now I'm completely lost. I've been on the run since the afternoon but now it's almost 3 am. I'm in the middle of a dark street and I don't even know where I am exactly. My battery isn't gonna last all night and I'm terrorized, I really really am, I can't stop crying and shaking. This is so unfair. Soo unfair. I didn't know what to do. I just researched without really thinking on google "my dad tried to kill me because I'm gay" and I found this forum. I really don't know why I'm writing this. Tears keep me from seeing what I write and my english is not that good so I'm sorry. I feel hopeless and I don't know what to do. Thank you for reading all this. I feel it's my last day. I'm terrorized. I just want this to end. I'm hopeless

 

Thank you, thank you very much. My injuries are killing me and it hurts so much. Your post made me tear up a little bit (in a good way). I will disable my 3g internet so to save some battery. Thank you so much

---------- Post added 26th Oct 2014 at 02:25 AM ----------

I wish it's that easy but I have nothing on me, no money no passeport, and with illegal immigrants always trying to cross from Tangiers to Spain there's always police and it's almost impossible to do this. I'm glad u know at least morocco and all this. I can't describe what it means to me that you answered. Thank you thank you thank you

 

Hi Guys !
Ok first I want to say that I'm speechless all you guys answered and were woried about me . I just want everybody to know that I'm ok now, and again you made me feel like I matter, so.. thanks guys. I will be brief to explain what happened that night.
I got a text message from my mom telling me to tell her where I am and meet with her at some place and that I shoudn't be afraid. I trust her and I know she loves me and won't do anything that will get me killed. She came and brought with her some band aids and stuff and she was scared I looked that horribly(with blood and everythinh), and started asking me questions. I denied everything and pretended the guy was lying for some reason and that I don't even know how they believed him. She told me my dad was a bit suspicious about the whole thing and when this guy told him it was like he was just waiting for it(we never had the best relationship but I never thought he'd do that to be honest, I guess people from the neighborhood made the whole thing worse). Anyway she said she knew her son wasn't gay and she gave me money and told me to forget to contact anyone from the family as everybody believed this lie(wich is the truth actually). To be short I went to "Agadir" wich is a very touristic city and by chance met a really lovely french woman(long story), she helped me a lot when she heard what I've been through. To cut to the chase, I applied for a student Visa to the UK, I took an english test and scored well. And I'm going to london this february It all looks surreal to me. The story is more complicated than this but as I was writing I realised It's so long and decided to get to the point fastly. That's what happened briefly.
I also owe you one more explanation, I wanted to get bach to this forum but I completely forgot its name, and today I found it by accident !
One more thing. You may think you just answered a guy on a forum, but you really don't know what those simple words mean to me. Again thank you very much..

 

Thanks, you're all so nice here I can't believe it :icon_bigg Don't know about the 'hero thing' though, I have to admit that I cried a lot the first night hahaha :lol: