I'm 13 and I go to an all boys school. For about a year, i've had a crush on this boy but i'm not sure how to take it further. I've out with him a few times but just as friends and there were other people with us. There are a few problems: First of all, he is most the same classes as me and we go to a very strict school and im not sure having a relationship in school would effect my work or maybe get us into trouble. Secondly, I am not sure if he is gay or not. According to some people in our school (some of which are gay) he is definitely straight and has had girlfriends in the past. However, I believe he is single at the moment and I think he might be gay. This is because, he doesn't mind body contact, he finds me gay sexual jokes and gay references funny and he seems to want to get close. I'm not out to anyone at my school but I think it it quite clear I am. As well as this, he is a lot hotter than me. Any advice how to take it further and to get into a proper relationship. Thanks for any advice!
Hey Anton, First off, welcome to EC!! Time Is Everything. If your not comfortable coming out to him yet, it's okay. Get to know him better as an individual. Before you add any labels on him, make sure you know if he's gay or he's straight. Then whenever you have a chance alone with him, after he's opened to you, tell him how you feel and hopefully he'll understand and accepts you. Hope this helps!!!
A first good step would be to clearly indicate your sexuality to him somehow. As "clear" as you think your sexuality is, it's better to let him know for sure. Do this in a subtle way, bring up LGBT topics in a conversation and see how he reacts to them to 'test the waters'. If he reacts positively, find a way to come out to him. He might do the same to you eventually if he is gay. Once he knows of your orientation, if he reacts positively/supportively, great! Then you should become good friends with him and eventually start flirting a little. Play it by ear, if he is definitely reciprocating then pluck up the courage to ask him out on a date. If you're worried about schoolwork, just be cautious and keep your priorities straight. Just follow your intuition and you should be fine. Good luck with it!
Yes, first try to find if he's homophobic or not. It doesn't matter what his sexuality if he doesn't respect your sexuality. I agree that coming out to him would be optimal, but it may be tricky given your ages and any possibility your secret might reach those you don't want to. So, you have to be prepared for that (teenagers are not that great at keeping big secrets). Going out with him would help avoid being with others that may pressure him to act in a certain way. Try to avoid letting things drag on forever because your crush could get very strong and you're feelings really hurt if he doesn't like you in that way. Be careful because crushes and dating definitely do take time away from schoolwork, and you don't want to give up a good future just for a hot boy.
