Is it too late now?

Hello, well this is my first post, and my apology in advance that there may be some grammatical/spelling errors since English isn't my first. And, whoa, this is a wall of texts.

So where to start. I am a socially awkward Japanese international student living in a country where is home to 60 million sheep, called New Zealand. You know the small island next to Australia, that country. I came here seven years ago, graduated a local high school then went into an art university. Currently I am in my last year of education.

In my third year, I was rather quiet, almost muted person. I have always struggled with my social anxiety, and approaching people was my biggest fear. Depressive person, I was. Then, there was a girl who began talking to me in the middle of the third term, who was always surrounded by people. One of those popular kids, I decided. Apparently she heard from someone that I am good at IT (a geek as I am) and she wanted some IT help, so I did help her convert her video files to NTSC MPG which can be played on an antique DVD player that my university owned. We spent some late nights in our studio, casually talking, and surprisingly I even said a joke. And since I seem to be able to talk to her, others began talking to me as well. I started to enjoy my university life. The girl and I started to become close friends. She was also openly gay, and in the end of year show, I already had this funny feeling nurturing inside me towards her. She was undeniably cool, actually too cool for me.

So that was the last year. From the start of this year, we continued to befriend. A distance between us became closer and closer; we spent two nights over in our studio, we ate pizzas watching films, we went to visit some exhibitions, and went to watch a play, visited her place once with rum and pizzas. Since she lived fairly close to my place as well, we used to catch our last bus home, but later, we stopped bussing. We stayed until 2 to 3 am in our studio until the security kick us out, and walked home. Once we stopped at a bus stop at 1am to discuss about 'what if earth was flat' for two hours non-stop.

One night after going to an art exhibition at a cafe, a bit tipsy me began talking about our 'coming out'. How my mother took my sexual orientation negatively, and how both of our parents thought we are 'punishing' them (which obviously, isn't true). Then the topic went into 'marriage' and I revealed her how I was thinking about getting into a relationship just for the sake of permanent residency. I know that was a stupid idea, and it is now out of my mind. She responded to my master plan negatively as well, of course, but she also continued "I'd marry you if it was me" and "Oh but your mother won't accept so we can't". I didn't know how to respond to that.

But I couldn't stop doubting that I was merely just a convenient person for her. She was popular, and I was not. She has 600 facebook friends, and I only had 100. Just another one of her friends. I probably didn't mean anything. I am silly that I never approached her, and even avoided her, and it was always her to start conversations.

A week ago, she told me she has been dating a girl for few weeks who is also in a open relationship with a guy and how obsessed she is with her, so I believe it is what you call karma. I am trying to give up, but failing. The fact that she said she is not expecting anything from the relationship still gave me hope. The issue is she moved into my studio space, so we literally are neighbors. We still see each others almost everyday and I have to pretend that I am encouraging her new relationship. She also invited me to her secret party, a party only selected people were invited to which I will surely attend as a friend.

I still do late nights at university, just so I can spend more time with her as well as doing my own work since I really don't have anywhere else to go. But hearing her dating stories is fucking painful. I don't know what I am doing anymore. With fears of getting deported, finding a job and university works, I feel as though I am having a bit of nervous break down.
Should I still tell her? I don't know if that will clear my mind up a bit. But I am afraid that will make everything awkward knowing that she already has someone and a fact we are now the studio neighbors.

Any advice will be appreciated.

 

Thanks for your responses, guys.

To sum up opinions from everyone who knows my situation, I have to tell her at some point, though I keep on thinking 'now is not the best time', and never is there a best time for me to tell... Such a coward I am becoming. Although, still concerned that maybe she is just being extremely friendly with me and not particularly in a romantic way, she is naturally social and always surrounded by people, but then again, I am aware that I cannot get an answer from anybody else but her... Guess I just have to man up and tell.

And yes, moving into another country by their own, and trying to gain a citizenship is rather hard, however New Zealand is more accepting than other countries and surely USA is much harder for people in this type of situation. I will definitely try my university's international student centre to, I don't know, get an idea of what I can possibly do. Again, thanks for your advice for this matter. I have been rather overwhelmed by the thought of deportation, so any advice helps me greatly.