1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Dating a guy you know is wrong for you

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by geoworld24, Oct 28, 2014.

  1. geoworld24

    geoworld24 Guest

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2014
    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tampa, FL
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    So I am talking with this guy I met on a dating app and I know he's wrong for me but I just feel like I need to go for it. I'm new to dating and not having much luck and he's been one of the few successes. He's the complete opposite of me. He's at least 50lbs heavier, 5 years younger and extremely affectionate (always calling me sexy). I don't find him sexually attractive. He says he finds me extremely attractive. I feel I can learn to find him attractive..maybe. I feel this may be my only chance at having a boyfriend. I am very conflicted I'm over 30 and desperately want to be in a relationship but this feels wrong in a way. Sorry if this comes off as a little naive or stupid but I isolated myself for a long time (due to non-acceptance of my sexuality) I never really learned how to date or have relationships.
     
  2. Blossom85

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2014
    Messages:
    1,377
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New South Wales, Australia
    Let me ask you this one question.. Why do you feel you need to settle for second best? I have find in my experience, if something feels wrong.. Then it usually is. I know you wanna find someone who will love you for you and find that one person, but do you want to do it this way? Do you think the other person also deserves that as well and to be honest.. Do you feel it is fair on him that you don't find him attractive sexually? Do you think he deserves to find someone who feels the way he feels towards you? I think look in your heart and you will see what is best for you.. Don't sell yourself short though and think this is your only chance.
     
  3. OnTheHighway

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2014
    Messages:
    3,934
    Likes Received:
    632
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Let see, your over 30, which is still quite young, and while you might feel some sort of clock ticking, there is still a lot of time on your clock! Given you have recently come out, I can understand the inherent sense of urgency, as I experienced a similar feeling. Given that, I am not sure you need to overly think about finding Mr Right on your next relationship, take your time and let things happen naturally (albeit proactively as well).

    I personally never had a checklist that needed to be completed in order for me to date someone. So many things go into making the right match, and it typically is a lot of give and take to find someone that you can commit to in any meaningful way. And while I do have a certain type that I find attractive, I have dated people outside of my type and have found them extremely sexy regardless of height, weight, hair, etc. While looks are important, so is demeanor, personality, presentation, etc.

    To be clear, I do believe that sexual attraction is an extremely important requirement; but I also think viewing someone simply online does not provide any real indicator of whether or not any sexual attraction actually exists.

    The only way to figure out what type of person makes sense, is to get out there and date. Try on a few suits and see how they feel.
     
  4. shinji

    shinji Guest

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2014
    Messages:
    629
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bulgaria
    Gender:
    Male
    No... You'll hate yourself for it, and then eventually when you do find someone better, he'll hate you for it.

    Sorry to be blunt but, you said it yourself. Years are ticking, do you really want to waste time with this guy?!
     
  5. OnTheHighway

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2014
    Messages:
    3,934
    Likes Received:
    632
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Not to be critical, I certainly understand and agree with your view of not wanting to lead someone down the wrong path once you have gotten to know them to the extent there is no chemistry, but I am not sure anyone has the ability figure out what the future holds in a relationship before having a first date in person with someone. Thats what dates are all about, isn't it? To get to know someone and see if there is chemistry.
     
  6. geoworld24

    geoworld24 Guest

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2014
    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tampa, FL
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    For the record we have met once and had friendship chemistry but I wasn't sexually attracted to him.
     
  7. OnTheHighway

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2014
    Messages:
    3,934
    Likes Received:
    632
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    That's a new bit of info. If friend chemistry was there, then keep it as friends. If it thereafter evolves into something more based on a growth in your feelings, crazier things have happened. But do be sure you are doing it for the right reason.
     
  8. resu

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,968
    Likes Received:
    395
    Location:
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Yes, just be honest with him that you aren't sure what you want now, so you'd like to take things slowly.