***this is stupid, but its whats being asked in my head atm so im posting it. i might delete it later, idk.*** so i want some feed back on this. does anyone feel like their parents make it really hard for you to accept, acknowledge, come out or express your sexuality if it was anything but straight? for me i would have to say 100%. i grew up with a mom who i dident and still dont trust, so i never have wanted to tell her (although she has asked several times), and a dad who literally cringed if he saw two men holding hands... and literally has to leave if he sees two guys kiss. need less to say, that scared (and still does) me to death. i would not acknowledge my sexuality from the point that i noticed i liked boys (age 11) up until just a few months ago. i never dated because it dident feel right to go out with a girl, and god forbid i went out with a guy.. right (at least in my parents eyes, that's how they would see it). i literally watched the way i talked, the way i used words, the way i walked, my expressions... everything... just so i did not appear to be gay, as i fear i would be hated. im not a feminine guy, but i did feel like if i did do anything such as hand gestures that was a little much, it might tip them off. looking back i did know i was gay (or what ever i am), but i would not acknowledge it... or at least not completely. i would try to tell my self i was bi (witch, might be what i am, but i really haven't figured it out; if im gay or bi... but i know for sure that im not straight, and that's kind of what im going with at this time haha) or asexual, because maybe that would not be such a looked down on thing with my parents. :dry: i relies'd that i was just trying to please my parents. if i was bi then i liked girls (like they want) or if i was asexual, i would just be avoiding the whose thing. so, can any one relate with me? did you do/ feel the same way? i just dont understand why some parents are just so (for a lack of a better term) anti gay in front of their children. they dont know what their son or daughters sexuality is so why say things like that in front of them. they wouldn't say or do such things in front of some one who is openly gay.
I can relate to a lot of the things you have stated above. I myself, for years, wouldn't acknowledge the fact that I was gay, though it was blatantly obvious with the inappropriate material I would search online. However, I continued telling myself I was straight. Then, I too reached a point claiming bisexuality as my sexual orientation. I think it was because I didn't want to completely shut out the option that my parents wanted so badly for me. My father was like your father too. However, I'd like to offer some hope to you. Although my father isn't completely, 100% accepting of gays, he has made major progress since my coming out. Immediately after I came out (just over a year ago) he would still make homophobic comments in front of me if gay rights appeared on the news or if a gay person even mentioned being gay. These days, he never says anything negative about gay people and he has actually gotten past the "it's a choice/phase" thing. Though it may seem like the worst thing ever, you can make progress with homophobic parents. The reason they say such homophobic things in front of their children is because they see it as a choice, therefore, why would their child who is being pushed these negative beliefs CHOOSE such a thing? Their methods and thinking patterns are a little corrupt. Never the less, I just want you to know that things will get better, it may take time but you will improve. I'm still struggling, but things have progressed a lot for me. Good luck to you with your situation, I'm sorry you're having difficulties (*hug*)
I'm in the same boat you're in. My mother is a complete prude who would freak out if I showed any aspect of my sexuality, gay or straight. My grandparents are complete homophobes though and I honestly don't think I can ever come out to them out of fear of them becoming... "violent". At the very least they'd disown me or send me to some straight camp in a red state. My dad is just as bad but I haven't talked with him in years. Honestly I'm to the point where I really don't care who knows except for my family and I've gotten used to them.
WOW, im glad other people can relate:icon_bigg. i don't really understand why they make it so hard sometimes. i just wish every one can grow up and parents just not care what their children sexuality is/ not make such a big deal about it in general... that would make things so much easy'r. like for me personalty, i know for a fact im not straight.. but i question if im truly gay sometimes, ya know. i say on here im a Kinsey 5 and i think that is close, so i just go with gay in my head. sometimes i think im bi, with preference of guys. i wish i could just openly talk about thees things with my parents, but i cant.:dry: ChameleonSoul: im also kind of to that point that i don't care so much who knows (as its becoming less and less of a big deal to me)... but then again im too chicken to tell people who ask or to say something when my sexuality comes up in conversation lol. although inside im screaming " im GAYYYY", the outside just goes "psh" lol. bornthiswaybby: i think you and me started out much the same! i also searched some inappropriate things online, and yet i still did not acknowledge i was gay lol. i never really told my self i was straight or gay or anything for along time. i would act straight when something came up in conversation.. but other than that... nope lol. i think it was fear or denial that made me not face it. thanks for the hope. i think my dad will be much like your dad. i don't think he will kick me out, but i do think he will be disappointed,shocked, and well idk lol. but in the end i do think he will worm up to it the way your dad did. or at least that's what i have been hopeing for a long time.:lol: thanks both of you for your help, and making me not feel so alone lol (*hug*). maybe one day ones sexuality wont be a big deal :icon_bigg
