Two of My Closest Friends Left Me Because of Depression

Hello. I've known that I've been gay since I was eleven, and I've always struggled with depression. My mother suffers from depression and my father has bipolar disorder, so my genetics have somewhat guaranteed my circumstances. I am sixteen and in the eleventh grade.

A year-and-a-half ago I developed three close friendships, all of whom were acquainted with each other and close themselves. I will refer to them as Mackenzie, Serena, and Drake. I always have enjoyed their presence, to such of an extent that I spent most of this past summer at Mackenzie's house, where Serena and Drake were at most of the time as well. I felt overwhelmingly comfortable there, letting my entire personality out for display without fear of judgment. We didn't judge, and we all loved each other. I was also very close with Mackenzie's mother, who decided to call me one of her own and said I was always welcome, unconditionally. And I took this seriously.

Once we had begun to develop interpersonal relationships, I learned that we all experienced depression and anxiety (each in our own unique ways), and we shared stories and information about how these issues affect us, but this tone wasn't omnipresent. As I can recall, we generally laughed and teased each other about things from minor grammatical errors to eccentric sexual kinks that we bore.

This April, my depression took a turn from the worst after an acquaintance of mine committed suicide, and I had a brief sexual experience that I was pressured into and it left me feeling terrible about myself. I attempted suicide for the first time ever. After that, my friends and I only got closer and everything was fine. Then, in early September, Serena attempted suicide, and we were there for her, and then I attempted suicide again later that month, and I got the same response. However, my newly prescribed medication began to make me more irritable and short with people, and my anxiety and depression just became more severe. And one day, Mackenzie and Drake just decided to abandon me. They said that it was in their best interest to be away from me, because they didn't want to be hurt. I didn't understand and just felt egregiously hurt and rejected, and it triggered such severe anxiety that I attempted suicide for the third time, and I was nearly successful this time. I thought that they would have seen how their rejection of me had caused so much of this, but they acted oblivious when I returned to school. Drake even said that there was no chance of our friendship ever returning. I got so much anxiety that I just walked out a class and went to my school counselor and haven't gone back to school since. That was this Monday.

Serena is still there for me, and promised that she would never do the same thing to me, but it's awkward because she's still close to them and she's always around them.

I don't know what to do, or what to say. I've had dreams for weeks about those two, and every single one leads me to tears. I would understand more if they would have warned me of this, given me some sort of sign that I may need to find other people to discuss these dark things with. But they just dropped me suddenly. Are they in the right, or did they do the wrong thing? I feel so alone.