Hi Everyone! I'm Chance. I'm new here. I am looking for advice about a recent dating experience. I met a guy on ***. We hit it off. To make this long story short he wanted to rush and wasn't respecting my boundaries. I no longer give in to sex so soon when dating. Sex is part of the connection and my experience has been when you have sex too soon the dating fizzles out. I am left devastated. I am a victim of childhood sexual abuse. That was the only kind of affection I recieved growing up. I have been in therapy on off over the years and for the last 2.5 after a long term break up. I learned a lot about myself and now have healthy boundaries. This guy I was dating was not respecting my boundaries. I told him I felt pushed and rushed. He would say we have all the time in the world then push Harder. He was dseparately wanting my affection and sex. This was in the first month. I told him to be patient and it takes time for me to open up. I wasn't running. I was trying to explain how I am. He kept pushing. He had all these expectations. And started calling me names; because I wouldn't go at his pass. the frustration built up and I pushed him away one nite when we were sleeping. The more a guy pushes the more pressured I feel. I thought he would try to talk to me on my level and make me feel safe with him. He didn't. We stopped talking for about 3 weeks. I didn't know what to do or say. I felt a break would be good and then we could regroup. He texted me out of the blue telling me he wanted to thank me. He met someone and realizes thanks to me what he has been missing. Called me a dead cold fish. And that I am some that is naturally spiteful And full of resentment. I tried to talking to him again and it was still as if he couldn't hear me. he kept shutting me down. told me my actions ruined everything. He doesn't nor did he respect me. I'm hurt as I did like him. But see that his actions did not match his words. He has issues with empathy it seems. Any advice ?
I'm hurting. It's as if I didn't matter at all to him. Just only what he wanted. I don't understand why guys are like that. We are adults. It's very healthy to be able to talk to each about things. :tears::icon_sad:
Sorry to hear about your experiences with him, I actually cringed reading his reactions to what otherwise seems to be perfectly acceptable positions you took with him. There are a lot of unsavory types out there as well as a gems in the rough that will be perfect for you. Unfortunately, you might need to look at a few duds before finding the gem. Having said that, I hope you have blocked his profile!
I am sorry that it didn't work out, but I do think none of what you did would be considered what he said, if anything he was the selfish one for trying to push you into moving forward in the relationship when you weren't ready for it. I think if he could do that to and basically text you with that effectively breaking up with you and talking to you like that, then I think just think feel lucky it didn't work out cause it doesn't sound like a very nice guy if he could treat someone like that.. Just concentrate on yourself and feel proud you didn't let things go to far when you weren't feeling ready. As USxUK mentioned, sometimes you do have to go through the dud ones before you find the right one for you.
After everything you endured early in life it's entirely right that you should set healthy boundaries for yourself to protect your feelings. It's something more of us should do when we are in the dating game actually. If you meet someone who feels unable to understand or respect your boundaries and then calls you out for it, you are better off without them, I promise you. Good relationships are built upon respect and consideration for each other, not just getting what you want and have a 'me attitude'. I'm sorry you have been through this and have these hurt feelings, but stay true to your values and principles. When you allow them to slide you almost always end up regretting it later on.
