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Hopelessly in love with straight friend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by AlySparkles, Oct 29, 2014.

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  1. AlySparkles

    AlySparkles
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    (This is long af, I'm so sorry, but please please please help me if you can)

    I'm a senior in high school and I've been infatuated with her (on and off) since like 8th grade. She and I used to be close friends, but during our freshman year, we made new friends and all of a sudden she slowly started pushing me away. So I decided it was best to distance myself from her a bit, but I guess I went too far.

    Well I befriended this boy who's lovely as the spring, during my sophomore year, and I've been dating him for a year and 4 months now and I'm in love. I feel like we're each other's half because he understands me so well and I understand him and we compliment each other and wow this relationship is amazing.

    But

    Remember how I said my thing for her comes and goes? Well, everytime it comes back, it hits me stronger each time. And it's happening again. She's still my friend, and (since we're all stuck in the "outcast" group) we're still in the same group as always, but it's not the same anymore. She's not pushing me away anymore, but it's more like we don't even know what to say to each other cuz we're both hella shy. We barely talk now, even though she sits right beside me on the lunch table. When we do talk though, we act normal, like we never even drifted apart. But she's more friends with another guy in our group, and I think they like each other, I mean they hug and stuff. It hurts, and I know it shouldnt, cuz I shouldn't even be in love with her, I have the best boyfriend ever. But those feelings...they never really go away, even though we're drifted apart so much.

    I'm a mess, I fall asleep crying and the pain of losing her this way, when I never really had her, kills me. And knowing this is probably our last year together before we go to college makes it all worse cuz I'll probably never see her again. I know I sound like a pussy, I'm sorry. I've tried to be strong and just "suck it up" for so long but I'm exceedingly tired of that. I just want her back. I love her.

    How do I even begin dealing with this...?
     
    #1 AlySparkles, Oct 29, 2014
  2. EleanorHunter

    EleanorHunter
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    This might be completely off from what you're feeling, but I'm gonna do my best from what you've said.

    It almost sounds like that crush comes on more strongly from missing this girl. You want to reconnect with her and be friends again, and each time you realize it, the whole situation just hits like a ton of bricks.

    I know it sucks, but just like you can't blame someone for being gay, you can't blame her for being straight. She can't help being who she is, just like the rest of us. These things happen, and you have to realize there's nothing you can really do if she is straight. We don't have the power to change people and their sexuality, no matter how much we want to. It's not your fault, it's not her fault, there's nobody here to blame. Neither of you did anything wrong, so don't let yourself feel bad.

    If you really want to try and reclaim your friendship with her, go for it. I can't give you exact advice, considering I'm not that great at the whole socialization thing either. Maybe just mention something random to her, something you've both talked about before. Just go with it. Don't stop asking things, think about everything you can say. Practice in the mirror before you go to school and try. Just the little things here and there. And don't be nervous! You might love her, but there's more than just one you can love someone. Whether that's romantically, platonically, etc.

    Realize though that you are indeed loved, and things will get better, even if it looks like you're stuck right now. You've got this amazing boyfriend after all, so obviously, you're doing something right! Don't let a situation you can't control get the best of you.
     
    #2 EleanorHunter, Oct 29, 2014
  3. AlySparkles

    AlySparkles
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    Thank you so much for your advice. It actually does make me feel better about the whole thing, so thank you, thank you, thank you. You have no idea how much it means to me. thank you for takiing the time to listen to me for a bit. You're awesome, much love
     
    #3 AlySparkles, Oct 30, 2014
  4. EleanorHunter

    EleanorHunter
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    Anytime! Glad I could help. Don't be afraid to message me if you ever need to talk to somebody. :slight_smile:
     
    #4 EleanorHunter, Oct 31, 2014
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