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need help dealing with friendships and more

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by starfishjump, Oct 30, 2014.

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  1. starfishjump

    starfishjump
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    Hey everyone, I am new to this site and just got much comfort from discovering that my problem seems to be a common one here but i think it'd still help me to write it down so thanks for reading this.

    Basically I've been struggling for many years with the issue of being in love with my best friend who used to be romantically interested in me but has since moved on. It's not been easy being so close (yet 'friend zoned') and watching her form a heterosexual relationship. I just really believed that I would never like someone else as much as I like her and when I did try to date people who are actually available they just didn't compare.

    But now I've spent the last year becoming very close to another friend and I can't believe what has happened. I finally feel like I like someone (my new friend) as much as my other friend but this really wasn't meant to happen because I don't think she's gay. It's a relief to feel that I am finally over my other friend, but this could be just as painful!

    So about this new friend... she knows I'm gay and is okay with that and she knows I've been heart broken over this other friend. She has said at times that maybe she is gay too but we have not talked about it much and I have been trying to be very clear in my head that she is straight and being in a romantic relationship is not an option. I have found myself being hopeful now though that maybe she is interested and we'll live happily ever after!!

    It's the normal problem I guess of whether or not to say anything and not wanting to ruin the friendship, especially because I suffer from depression and she seems to be the only person who makes me happy these days.
     
    #1 starfishjump, Oct 30, 2014
  2. resu

    resu
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    Welcome!

    If she knows you're gay and is uncertain, then that's a tricky thing. But, I think what you need to do is work on yourself, no matter what your relationship status is. Go to a mental health professional (not a psychiatrist!) to talk about your depression. The truth is that no one can "make" you happy. They can create good or bad conditions, but you are the only one who can make yourself happy. Also, try to expand your social circle so you aren't investing everything into someone who may just not be sexually attracted to you. It's hard, but it's worth it to go talk to a counselor. I did it. :slight_smile:
     
    #2 resu, Oct 30, 2014
  3. quietisviolent

    quietisviolent Guest

    Hi!
    First of all I think it's a good idea to go to a mental health proffesional to talk about your depression and try to find out what makes you sad and what makes you happy, so you can focus on being happy.
    I think you should tell your friend how you feel about her. Maybe she likes you too, maybe she doesn't. But either way, being honest is the best thing you can do, in my opinion. You don't necessarily have to ruin a friendship by telling this to her.
    I really hopes she likes you, and that you will be happy, with or without your friend liking you the same way you like her.
     
    #3 quietisviolent, Oct 31, 2014
  4. starfishjump

    starfishjump
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    Thanks for the great advice and support :slight_smile:.

    Resu, I will certainly talk to a psychologist about my depression and i agree that expanding my social network would b a healthy thing to do even though i find it a bit challenging.

    Quietisviolent, thanks for suggesting i talk to her about it. it's reassuring that u don't think that would necessarily ruin the friendship.

    Thanks again :slight_smile:
     
    #4 starfishjump, Nov 1, 2014
  5. quietisviolent

    quietisviolent Guest

    It didn't ruin my friendship when I told my best firend about my feelings for her. Being honest to her made it even less awkward and she made clear to me she would most likely never like me like that, so she to not give me any mixed signals so I wouldn't be confused.
     
    #5 quietisviolent, Nov 1, 2014
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