Hence the title and to keep this short as possible, I have a problem with reconnecting with people from my past. I am not sure why I keep doing this, especially considering the fact that I am currently in a relationship. Every time I do this, I tell myself that I have no expectations, but there's something motivating me to do so, which is why I need help from everyone here. Also, is there anyone else here who has the same problem? Recently, I contacted my ex girlfriend, who broke up with me...before her, I contacted another ex girlfriend, but I was the one who ended things with her. As I type this, I am starting to see a pattern. I should mention that I am currently with a guy and perhaps, the motivate behind my actions are due to my desire to be a woman again. Not necessarily my ex girlfriends, because I am a firm believer that if things did not work out the first time, then chances are they will not work out the second time around. Any advice is greatly appreciated, thanks!!
When we enter into a meaningful relationship with another person, we give ourselves to that person in a very deep and connected way, so when things come to an end we can't just switch off and walk - if it were so easy there would be fewer broken hearts and fewer acrimonious divorce cases for our courts to deal with. We invest ourselves in the relationship and leave something of ourselves behind. Letting go is difficult. It doesn't really matter how a relationship ends, you will still feel some connection to your past love, for better or worse. If you did part on good, or even reasonable terms, you may retain a strong wish or desire to maintain contact with your ex and that's actually okay, providing the boundaries are properly set. So when you say you have a problem with reconnecting is it actually a problem with boundaries? Are you maybe reconnecting in a way that takes things beyond the comfort of friendship? I'd rather not assume, so it would be great if you can come back and clarify.
Hey thanks for replying, and to answer your questions, the answer is yes & yes. However, I don't mean cheating sexually, but rather emotionally. I know that emotional cheating is just as bad if not worse than physically cheating. Gosh, I know it sounds so horrible, but currently, I feel neglected. I've communicated with my partner about how I feel, but he can so self absorbed with his own personal problems that he does not fully understand how I feel. He is having a difficult time at moment and I've tried to give him space, but he's also pushing me away. I guess I just miss how easy/carefree things were when I was with my ex girlfriend.
You kind of summed it up yourself in the last line of your reply. With your ex girlfriend it was easy, carefree love and you were able to indulge in the happiness of it all with few concerns. Your emotional needs were met and the heavy baggage that is present in your current relationship just wasn't there. You don't need to feel bad for admitting that your emotional needs are not currently satisfied. Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with reconnecting with your ex girlfirend for friendship and emotional support, providing that particular line isn't crossed. My partner is still in contact with one of ex-boyfriends and I know they offer each other lots of support. I don't feel jealous about it at all, as it's all done in the open. Is your contact with your ex in the open? If not, it really does need to be. Boundaries are important. If you can keep to them it's not a problem, but cross them while you are committed to someone else and it opens a whole can of worms. If things are tough for you now (emotionally) it would get a whole lot tougher and that's something to keep at the front of your mind as you move forward. I would urge you to speak to your boyfriend again and give him another chance to listen and pay attention. Maybe you need to make your point quite strongly? It's all very well for him to be absorbed in his own issues, but when you are in a relationship you share the load with your partner and love grows in the process (or it should do). When you shut your partner out and take everything upon yourself it leads to these feelings of rejection (like you have now) and puts a strain on a relationship. Adversity should bring a couple together. If you agree with that sentiment, make sure your boyfriend knows it. If the desire to be with a woman again is really strong though, you might need to take stock and consider the future with your boyfriend much more closely though.
I'm not sure why it's difficult being unable to admit that I'm emotionally dissatisfied to my boyfriend. I had no problem putting my feelings out there when I was with my ex girlfriend and now, I just feel like I'm complaining for no good reason. But that is exactly why I prefer to be with a woman. Honestly, I haven't told my boyfriend that I've recently started talking to my ex girlfriend again. I know he's going to be so hurt. There were some things that happened in the past (cheating on my part) and he hasn't be able to fully trust me since, although it's been 6-7 years since it's happened. But I will admit that I always put myself in compromised positions with my exes. That's my problem, I have no boundaries even though I know right from wrong. It's almost like my conscious turns off and I do not care. The only reason why I am shutting him out is because he's doing the same to me. I know that sounds childish, but I hate putting my all into someone only for them to completely ignore me, especially since it ignites unresolved issues with my father. I mean, I get that he's going through some stuff, but shutting me out is completely unfair. I've been giving him time and space, but he's allowing his problems to draw a wedge between us. You're absolutely right. I think I need to really sit down and think about what I want and need. I've been so consumed with his well being that I've put my needs on the back burner. When I was with my ex, things were completely the opposite and I miss that. I miss the emotional connection that I'm able to form being with a woman, something that has always been difficult to form being with a man. Btw, thank you so much PatrickUK
