Afraid of loosing the only family I have left

I am bio female but have felt like a man since I was 13. I am am now 19 and still feel this way. I was hoping this was just a phase and I would grow out of it, but I still feel this way. I try to become more feminine to make these feelings go away. I do things like try to care more about how I look, loose wait to have a slimmer waist, and have even look into getting breast implants. The more feminine I try to become the more depressed I get. I look at myself in the mirror every day and wish I had been born male.

The main reason I want to change is for my mom. She supports LGBT people and there rights, but I have talked to her about characters on TV who are trans and somethings she had said made me know she would never except me if I went through with this. There isn't a doubt in my mind she would act like she supported me, but I know she would be so disappointed in me and be disgusted with me. I have lost so many family members and people I thought cared about me over stupid stuff like money and not doing the things they wanted me to do. I know if I did this I would loose the only family I have left.