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Need help with a 'friend'

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ABambi, Nov 1, 2014.

  1. ABambi

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    Bit of a read sorry...

    About six months ago my friend (we'll call him tom) was in a relationship with one of my other friends (we'll call him Andy). It ended badly and Andy whent and spread rumours that ton had made the relationship up and that he was a creep. We sorted this all out in the end and Andy is no longer spreading rumours, although he is still a dick at school.

    So over the summer a load of my friends went over to another friends house. We stayed in the garden in a tent. Anyway Tom was still upset about his previous relationship (forgot to say he told me everything that went on I the relationship and I was the one who sorted it out) so I was being really nice to him as usual. During the evening when we all went into the tent he lay right next to me, his head was an inch from my chest. He stayed like this for a while and then he put his arm around my shoulders. This didn't bother me cause I knew he had been feeling quite bad about the 'Andy incident' earlier on. So I put my arm behind his head and we lay there for a while. As time went on he placed his head on my chest and lay his hand I my lower abs. He didn't know but I was actually bi / bi curious so I till didn't react, although no one ever suspected this at school as I do a lot of sport and have had relationships with girls. He then lent close in to my face, cause all my other friends where asleep, and asked me how far I wanted to take this. Now me being the moron that I am didn't admit to being bi at this point and told him i was fine how I was. So we just lay there for the rest of the night in each others arms.

    So I came out to tom a couple of days later, as he was feeling bad about that night and i wanted Hume to know that I was cool with it.

    Yesterday the same group of friends came over to my house. Once we turned the light out he came over to me and placed hi head in my chest like before. We lay there for a while, I was feeling pretty good with myself. So once all our other friends were asleep he slowly moved his hand down my chest and....... We'll I won't bore you with the details but we got off and had a rly good time.

    Now here is where the problem is. My friend doesn't want another relationship with a friend because he doesn't wan to risk losing another friend, and also because last time it ended so badly. I've told him that it is probably much worse to treat it as a more casual 'thing' between us because despite what anyone thinks, you can't do something like that with someone several times without forming emotional attachment.

    I just want to prove to him that he isn't going to lose any friends over it and that it might be good for him to be with someone else, even if that someone isn't me. There is such a difference between him before Andy and after. And it's not a change for the better, he is more quite, he meets up with me and my friends less and although he hasn't admitted it I feel like he is depressed.


    What should I do????? :confused:
     
  2. ABambi

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    Any able to help?
     
  3. Sounds like his trust is really hurt. I would just be his friend and let him know how much I care. Even if you can't be in a relationship right now just be there for him. I know it would help me. Maybe he'll come around. Good luck :slight_smile:
     
  4. PatrickUK

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    If he seems depressed the very best thing you can do is to give him time and space and be a good supportive friend. Keep up the contact, even when he seems low and withdrawn and remind him that you are there for him. In time, his confidence may return and you will become closer as friends.

    I'm sure you want the very best for him, but only he can decide what to do concerning relationships. The break up with Andy clearly hurt Tom a lot and he is probably still recovering from it. Maybe he's not ready for a relationship with anyone right now, but given time and chance to heal, his feelings may change. Just be there for him.
     
    #4 PatrickUK, Nov 2, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 2, 2014
  5. OnTheHighway

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    Not sure you mentioned this, but curious, do you have feelings for him as more than a friend?
     
  6. ABambi

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    USxUK in answer to your question yes I do.
    The trust between us is not a problem, we tell each other everything. I'm just not sure why he would want to have a more physical relationship without making any commitment to it. I know that if I were him that I would either not be ready for any kind of relationship or that i would want a more normal relationship not a friends with benefits style that he seems comfortable with, which I'm not really ok with.
     
  7. ABambi

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    I'm gonna talk to him about it tonight with him.

    Cya Bambi
     
  8. joshtheangel

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    Good luck :slight_smile: