Hi everyone. I appreciate you taking the time to read this thread and I hope you can possibly give me some advice Well, for the past 2 years my life has been hell. I fell in love with my straight best friend and got too attached, and went through a whole ton of stuff (I could easily write a whole thread on it, but it's over now). He was the first person I came out to, and unfortunately he was homophobic and it ruined our friendship. I cried almost everyday, and felt like I had no one to turn to. I forced distance between us and eventually (around 4 months ago) I got over him, and I was finally relatively happy again - even if it was 2 years later. Because I felt much more positive, I recently came out to 10 of my real life friends - all in one go. These were the first 10 I'd told since the guy above, and their reactions were really kind and I felt much more confident. However, there's a problem. I went on a camp a few months back and I shared a tent with a guy called Jacob (I go to scouts and he goes to my unit, but I hadn't really talked to him before). We talked all night, and I felt we had a lot in common. The camp was great, and I really thought I'd met a new friend. However, he didn't reply to my messages after the camp (which in some ways I'm glad about). Anyway, moving on, another camp followed a month after, and once again we ended up spending it together. However, this time I feel we got much closer and he started telling me secrets (including the fact he'd had gay thoughts). After this camp, he messaged me and we spent a night talking to each other about random stuff and he has also started talking to me more at scouts itself. I decided to ask if he wanted to go and see a movie with me, and we went today. It was really good - but my fear has come true. I can feel myself starting to like him, and it's just as if the whole situation I had 2 years ago is about to start again. At the moment, we're just at the start of our friendship, so I want to act while I can and hopefully stop a lot of pain. I'm not sure what his sexuality is, although if you followed stereotypes, you could say he acts a little 'camp'. However, at the same time, he once told me how he found some girl from a movie hot, so that cancels it out. Bi? I'm not sure. I reckon he's probably straight and I'm just playing on hope as I always do I'm scared that I'm going to like him more and more as we become closer friends, so I'm considering stopping it while I can (without upsetting him). However, what if he's gay? What if it could be the start of my first relationship? I considered telling him I'm gay, but then what if it makes him suspect I like him and creeps him out (considering we only became proper friends a few weeks ago, after the second camp). My head's a mess and I really don't want to repeat what happened 2 years ago. Please help
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I'm sorry that the first person you opened up to turned out to be a jerk. I can't imagine how awful it must feel to be rejected by the first person you trusted enough to reveal your true self. With that said, while I certainly understand your fear I think you have to push through it. No matter who you end up liking there is always going to be a risk. Maybe he's straight and homophobic (although if he's comfortable enough admitting to you that he's had gay thoughts he's probably not). Maybe he's curious and wants to at least entertain the possibility of getting into a relationship with you. Maybe he's gay but crushing on somebody else, or maybe he feels exactly the same as you do but has similar fears. The point is that with high risk comes high reward and while preventing yourself from acting on your feelings may feel like the safest option it could also cause you to miss out on something great. It's tough to put yourself into a vulnerable position and trust someone with something deeply personal and it's even more difficult if you like him as more than just a friend. But whether or not you want to date him or not, what is your relationship really worth if you feel you have to hide such a significant part of your personality from him? Whatever you do though, please don't avoid this boy just because you're starting to feel attached to him. Is the potential risk of things not working out the way you want worth eliminating the possibility that they could and guaranteeing that you miss out on someone you think is pretty special? I don't think so.
