I'm gay (and female by the way) and I hung out with some friends last night that don't know I'm gay yet. One guy that was there was someone I hadn't met before and apparently my friends are wanting us to hook up. Well I talked to him but for me it was just for conversation. When I got up to leave and go home he asked if I wanted his #. Nervous & being on the spot I said sure and he said when I get back in town would you like to have dinner and again I said sure. I feel so bad!! What do I do? Should I send him a text saying I didn't mean to lead you on or anything but I'm gay? This isn't exactly how I pictured "outing" myself to my friends that he's also friends with because if they ask him why I turned down the date I know he'll tell them. I'm not ashamed of being gay but I'm just nervous about finally coming out to my friends...if that makes sense. What do I do and/or text him? Or just lie and say I'm just not ready for dating or anything right now and last night I was a little out of it (I was really a little tipsy)??
I think you should see him again and wear something really 'gay'. He may get the hint. If that doesn't work or doesn't sound good then speak to him casually about it. Like you could say how you saw a really hot girl or something (I'm terrible with talk like that). I'm sure the guy will understand. Good luck and stay positive.
Just say "no thanks" next time he asks. That's not the same as coming out, and I'm sure you could think of a reason (lie) if asks why.
Is this really that much of a lie? If you're worried about lying you could just say "I'm not ready to date guys at the moment. I'm sorry I said yes- you were really nice and I was flattered that you asked me but I've thought about it and I don't want lead you on only to let you down later. You're way too nice for that!", technically not a lie and he won't assume you mean you want to date girls. Don't feel bad you were caught off guard. My instinct tells me you don't have to come out because of this if you're not ready to. People change their minds about dates all the time for various reasons!
This sounds good. I only have his #; he doesn't have mine so should I wait a couple of days and then send him this kind of text?
Be nice but firm. Make sure he knows that this isn't some temporary thing, like you got out of a bad relationship or something. Make it clear in the kindest and most respectful way that you do not want to enter into a relationship. You don't have to give a reason. Don't let this be the thing that forces you out of the closet before you're ready.
Did he SAY he wanted to "date" you? Or did he just ask if you wanted to go out to eat? Dont read into it what is not there. Go out to eat with him. You dont know what he wants. He might just like talking to you. If he does ask you on a date after dinner, you can just tell him you are not in the mindset right now to be dating. Although if he would like to be friends.........
He meant it as a date because my friend (also his) told him I was coming over and if he liked me that I was single. I never met or talked to him before last night.
I am sort of in the same situation at the moment though I am not as comfortable/settled into my sexuality and what I want as you seem to be . You could simply 'forget' you have his number and not get back to him. You are do not have to contact to him and if your friends ask you can say simply say that you were tipsy and that clouds your judgment as he is not your type (if asked what is pick a random celebrity known to be good looking that looks very different from him, or just giggle and pretend to blush that work too) Alternatively at this point he does not have your contact number so if you don't contact him and give him your number it could solve the problem. You really don't have to contact him as he didn't take your number it is like putting the ball in your court so for him if you contact him it might be a sign that you are interestdd in him. if he peruses it you can tell him "no thanks, I am sorry I am not interested but you seem like a really nice guy and I am sure you will meet the right person for you". I know it seems harsh not to contact him, you could send a not interested text to him anyway if that is what you feel is right. Don't friendzone him if he isn't already a close friend (did that and its not worth it for either of you).
What is your age? Depending on that and the maturity level of the rest of your friends maybe you should just tell him" "Look, I'm gay." or however you would say it that is comfortable for you. I know its difficult and definitely easier said than done, but if you are generally close to these people (since you know he will tell them) then it shoudnt be an issue. Again, I completely understand being nervous, but this could also be an opportunity of sorts, you know? Definitley dont tell them though if you think the time really isnt right or youre not truly ready.
I'm 25 & my friends range from my age to 30s which is where he is. I'm actually not real close to our friends; just hang out sometimes.
Well now I have a problem. He got my # somehow--i guess from a friend--and he text me and said hey about an hr ago. What do I do?
Lol be like hey whats up and if he asks you out just tell him sorry I'm busy....lol he'll get the picture eventually.
Sorry only saw this now! If I were you I would just say: "sorry I have thought about it, you seem to be a nice guy but I am not interested." That is honest. If he asks why not just say not right time in your life... or even better you are just figuring some stuff out at the moment and are not really looking to get involved with any guys... (he probably will accept that as he won't want to get overly involved when there isn't a relationship yet.... (he will avoid all implied U-hauls :lol
