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my sister wants to be friends with a boy she loves

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by joshy the queen, Nov 2, 2014.

  1. joshy the queen

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    Ok maybe im over reacting but i think she is too young to even date right now 12 btw!
    The guy works in a mall and she falled in love with him and she thinks he is the one and only and that she must be friends with him so that when she grow up she knows she has someone to have a reltionship with she thinks he is so good and i think she is making a big deal out of this and she cant judge him from just looking at him what if he is not a good guy
    She insists on knowing him and being friends with him to keep him for herself
    What do you guys think ? Isnt it wrong to be friends with someone your attracted to and she is too young to date him right now i know she wants to date him what can i do to change her mind i cant leave her dating a regural guy from the mall when she is just 12
     
  2. Nychthemeron

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    ... How old is he?

    I don't think it's bad to be friends with someone you're attracted to. In fact, many people begin with becoming friends, and then dating, while others simply just start flirting.

    I hate to use the "too young" excuse, but she's barely a teen, and, while it's possible her feelings will stay, it's also possible that they will be... fickle.

    I wouldn't prevent them from becoming friends, since... well, they're just friends, but I'd advise her against dating. Tell her to give it a little time before she jumps in, to, like, test the waters.

    And, I'd also caution against making random friends outside a school environment, since it sort of sounds dangerous, but yeah.

    My two cents.
     
  3. joshy the queen

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    I really dont know how old is he might be older im afraid he might be older than her
    And i cant be ok with two young people at the age 12 to be friends outside school and when there is an attraction i know they would date and since neither of their parents can know and they arent in school together what if they did something bad together ??
     
  4. Nychthemeron

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    You don't know if he's attracted to her, and, since he's working at the mall... I'd say he'd probably older. One or two years should be ok.

    If you're really worried, just go with her the first few times. She can't go to the mall alone, can she?
     
  5. joshy the queen

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    She can but she only goes with me
    Well im going to go with her and let her great him and talk to him but she will see the bad face of me if she ever think about dating him
     
  6. Blossom85

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    I think being friends with someone when there is an attraction there at least on one side is not particularly a good idea. I am thinking from her side of it.. How hurt she might be if she realizes he doesn't feel the same way or if he is already with someone or falls for someone when she has already placed herself into his life.. How devastating to a young girl like herself would be.. How humiliating that could be and how damaging it could be for her self esteem if he is not interested or if worse he uses her attraction to his advantage.. Also I think 12 is a little too young to really know and understand what love is and what being in love means and to be able to date as well.. I would think maybe 15 is more of an idea to begin dating and to actually have an awareness of your actions and the actions of others as well.

    I think as her older brother, you need to protect her and I think partly in protecting her, you need to know and be able to understand when you are out of your own depth.. I think you have recognized that by coming here.. Have you thought to talk to your parents about this and that you are concerned about it? I know you probably don't want to seem like the brother who has ratted her out to mum and dad but really when her safety and her well being might be at risk.. What is better?
     
  7. joshy the queen

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    Blossom i totaly agree wigh you and all you have said is exactly what im scared of
    She thinks that im stopping her from living her life when i tell her not to talk to him and that she will never find someone like him i cant stop laughing she doesnt even know him to even think like that also i totaly agree with you about being too young the problem is all her friends at school have boyfriends and i think this is what changed her mind
    I cant tell my parents cause they wouldnt be understanding
    How do you think can i change her mind about being friends with him?
    Also she told she is bored of girls and wants to have a friend who is not a girl (her school is only for girls)
    I told her in summer you can meet some boys you can be friends with but she didnt agree she told she will never find a boy like him
    WTF SHOULD I DO ??
     
  8. Blossom85

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    It certainly sounds like a school girl crush, especially if she doesn't know him and is talking that way about him. What exactly does she know about him? Anything at all? Has she ever spoken to him?

    Girls that age, and going into their teen years are always going to think they know everything and don't need help with anything at all. I don't know what else you could say to her.. I think sitting down with her and just talking to her, not trying to seem like you are controlling, but sitting down and talking.. Maybe explain you understand why she wants to have a boyfriend seeing as how all her friends are, but maybe just try to be the protective brother and let her know it's nothing to do with controlling her life or stopping her from being happy but that you don't want to see anything bad happen to her and that you love her and just want her to be safe.. Maybe try to get on her level and ask her about him, what it is exactly that she likes about him and maybe try to grt her to realize she knows nothing about him and that it is potentially a dangerous situation for her to be in at this age.

    I do think though you should get your parents involved, would they want her dating at that age? I think it is their right to know what is going on in her life and that she is looking to date someone whom is probably older and she doesn't know. She might get in trouble and your parents might not be understanding, but I do think they should be made aware.. If something does happen, would you want to feel responsible or guilty? You might be her brother but they are her parents as well and have a right to know this kind of stuff even if you think you are protecting her from them as well.
     
  9. Ruby Confused

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    Did you act on every crush you had at 12? Chances are he will be more out of his depth than she is. Suggest that he and a couple of friends and she and a couple of friends go to a movie or dinner together. Nothing alone or date-like but also public. This is an infatuation, plenty of girls have them at her age (most in fact). The fact that she doesn't have male friends also adds to the excitement, if she learns how to communicate with her peers now (of all genders) it will actually mean she will be better off in the future. I have friends who went to all girl schools and they are much wilder when they weren't allowed to even talk to boys. If she is communicating with you you can ensure that nothing out of line takes place. If you shut her down it just means you may be excluded from future crushes and then will have less control. Be honest with her, give her boundaries and she will respect you for them.