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First lied, then ditched...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by jkwak, Nov 3, 2014.

  1. jkwak

    Regular Member

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    Hiya! I'm brand-new to this forum and hoping to talk to nice LGBT people all aorund the world.
    I come from a small town in Spain and since here there aren't that many gay guys, we all know each other. When two months ago I met a brazilian exchange student who is spending a year in my town I was really glad for meeting someone new. The chemistry between we two was great and we met for almost every day ever since. He even insisted on introducing me to his friends and told me how happy he was for coming to Spain. He even said that it had been worth coming only for me. Well, I was a little scared but elated for he is a sweet, charming and really good-looking guy.
    All seemed to run smoothly until the previous week. He started to say he was rather busy and couldn't meet up with me, later he started not to answer my messages. Finally he started to upload photos in his Instagram profile with another guy. Fearing that he was going to pull the fade away I texted him asking him whether he was okay with me and If he didn't want to see me again,it was ok but I wanted to hear it from him instead of just disappearing.
    He answered me back telling me that he liked me a lot but was afraid that when he came back to his country he was going to miss me that much that he didn't want to pursue anything serious with me. Nevertheless he told me that he liked me a lot and wanted to keep seeing me although he also wanted to keep meeting differente people. After some messages more he finally has pulled a disappearing act. Meanwhile he keeps uploading photos with this boy :tantrum:
    Now, I know I stand no chance of seeing him again but he has left me really down in the dumps. Do you think that he really meant all the things he told about liking me that much? or maybe he just said so to to conquer me?
     
  2. Skov

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    Well, I don't think we can ever really know for sure.

    I had something sort of similar happen a while ago. The guy that I was seeing was talking about how great everything was, and then all of the sudden there was just a major shift in how he was acting. He told me later that week that he wanted to keep hanging out, but that he wasn't ready for a relationship after his ex. Then, a week later, he started uploading pictures with another guy.

    I think he did like me a lot at first, but he clearly didn't anymore. I don't think you should speculate too much on the legitimacy of what he said before. I think that if he was hanging out with you that much that he probably liked you. Sometimes things don't work out, and that's rough. There are others out there though.

    Best of luck :slight_smile:
     
  3. resu

    Advisor Full Member

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    My advice is just to accept what has happened and move along. Stay friends with him if you had shared interests, but you can't force him to like you. Try thinking about what you liked in his personality, and look for similar guys. Don't worry so much about whether he meant what he said. His actions speak louder than his words.
     
  4. PatrickUK

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    I don't think there is anything to be gained by speculating about his real feelings during the time you were together. Dwelling on questions like that will not help you. Nor will it help you to keep checking his Instagram (or any other) profile. Doing that will re-open the wounds.

    In time, it will be necessary to pick up the pieces and move on and the sooner you are able to set your mind to that the better. I know you will have a lot of hurt feelings right now and need to give yourself time to process things and recover, but you will have to put the pain behind you eventually. While you are going through this process do reach out for support and give yourself permission to share the pain and heartache. Talking about it is a positive thing and helps you to finally accept what has happened.

    Stay strong and focus on the relationship with yourself now. There is no relationship more important.