1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Mom leaving step dad.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by kmsshs1004, Nov 3, 2014.

  1. kmsshs1004

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2013
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I've known for a while my mom was wanting to leave my step dad and she finally told him yesterday. They married when I was 5, I'm 22 now, so he's not my step dad he's my dad. I've never met my real dad. I want my mom to be happy but I feel like she's leaving for the wrong reasons. She's not happy in the relationship anymore because they never do anything together, he sits on the computer all day and he's lazy. Yes, I'll admit it's true. But he's one of the most honest tough but sweetest guys out there. My mom works 6 days a week third shift so I can see why they don't go out. There's never any time. He's loved me and my mom more than anything and I can tell he's hurting. I currently live there with my 2 year old daughter and I feel torn cause I have to choose who to live with until I can get on my feet again as well. I love my step dad and I love my mom and I know it's not my place and it's her decision but I feel like she's being selfish. For the past few months she's ignored my dad when he comes in the room to talk to us and play with my daughter, hardly says a word to him, he'd tell her he loved her and she'd ignore it and tell me she loved me and would leave to go to work, she wouldn't even try to be happy. She spends all her time off of work texting her friends, talking on the phone, staying out all day and night, she's even had a few flings with coworkers. No sex or anything like that, just flirting and "talking- wink wink" which is completely unfair to my dad. She's also tired of the house we live in cause it's not the best. It's an old trailer and its falling apart. Plus 3 dogs and two cats so it's constantly dirty but yet she doesn't lift a finger to help me clean it. I feel like siding with my step dad, the only reason I feel like choosing to go with my mom is because of how this trailer is. I feel it's beyond repair and unhealthy for my daughter or anyone for that matter to live in. Sorry for the looong rant, I don't have any close friends to talk to about this and I just needed to get it off my chest.
     
  2. Blossom85

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2014
    Messages:
    1,377
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New South Wales, Australia
    I am sorry about your mum and step dad..

    I think to be honest.. Your mum would have her own personal reasons for wanting to end the marriage and leave him.. And I don't think there is much you can do about it to be honest, it's her decision ultimately and I don't think it is right for anyone to comment on anyone else's marriage and feel they have a say in what they do or don't do in their marriage. That being said, I do feel for the tough spot you feel you are in and feeling torn between both parents..

    I am not going to comment on your mum or step dad's behavior as it's not my place to, but
    I think all you can do is try to just understand your mothers motives and be there for both of them.. I don't think this would have been an easy decision for your mother to make and I think you just need to be there for her and for your step dad.. It is one of those those you just don't get between and you just support them both the best you can. I hate when my parents argue, my dad always wants me to side with him and he always gets angry cause I don't side with either, that's my way of being equal.
     
  3. resu

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,968
    Likes Received:
    395
    Location:
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I agree, you may not know all the facts. I was certainly surprised learning things about my mom and dad in the last few months as my mom prepares to separate from him (e.g. he was very stressed because he had to find a job within a few months after graduation or he would get deported or that my mom had to stay with him otherwise he might have gotten custody of me if they divorced because he had so many family members to vouch for him).

    I totally agree with Blossom that you should just be there for each of your parents. My dad was always the one who tried to sweeten me with gifts and toys, but I stick with my mom because I know she loves me unconditionally and isn't spiteful.