Doomed to be single forever (single ad infinitum)

God, I know how you feel! I mean, not the specific experiences, but nobody wants a gay guy when everyone else is straight... and even the gay guys don't want a trans. It gets quite lonely, but we have to push through! Have you tried online dating, or at least going to some sort of group? If you are dying to meet "one of those guys" I'm sure you just have to keep your eyes open. Still, most gay guys I met are single, because they just don't seem to be looking for others like them. My advice is keep looking, and one day you'll find a guy who understands you!

 

I think many of us feel the same way.

 

I know how you feel; I went through a stretch of being single for almost 9 years, at the point in my life when I was the most physically attractive, looking back on it now. At the time I thought I was fat and ugly, that I'd never fit in, that no one wanted me and that no one in their right mind would ever want me, that I'd end up with someone unattractive just so I wouldn't be lonely.

I eventually got into a relationship with someone I didn't love because I was so desperate. It wasn't satisfying at all, and ended badly. After that I decided to enjoy the freedom of being single, to take the time to get to know myself. I started to worry less about my appearance and whether I fit in or not -- and voilá, that's when I found someone worthwhile, even though I was physically less attractive than before.

There's no secret formula for finding a relationship, or a secret "in" club for people who have managed to find one, and there are plenty of people in the same boat. Even the people who seem happy in their relationships may not be.

I know this is going to sound trite, but the best way to find a lasting and satisfying relationship is to learn to be happy with yourself, because when you feel that you're unattractive and unworthy of love, it's hard to recognise when someone likes you -- and even if someone does like you, you assume that there must be something wrong with them and push them away.

 

I don't really have much advice for you, but I do feel the same way. I am single and never been in a relationship apart from an online long distant relationship where we hadn't had the chance to meet before she broke it off with me, so I do know the feeling of being alone and just wishing and hoping that it will happen. It will happen when you least expect it to, I know it might be cliche, but that's how it happened with my ex I met online. Totally unexpected and nothing I was looking for at that time in my life.

 

unknownuser1990, don't be so tough on yourself. you have youth on your side, from what I can tell from your post. There are so many people in your shoes... I too am there! I am in the process of ending a 18 year marriage, don't feel all that attractive, and worry about being alone too! Everyone tells me that wont happen! That there is someone out there for everyone, and that is the shred of hope I cling to. I always worry that looks are the be all and end all of it... but as I have grown older, I realize that looks are closer to the bottom of the barrel as far as a relationship goes. Don't get me wrong, there has to be an attraction, but I think that the personality, and loving nature of some of the most attractive people is NIL. So in the end, I know for me I wouldn't want to be with them. When I think of the perfect guy for me... its so much more than if they are drop dead gorgeous... or have the perfect ass, or don't have an oz of fat on them... for me... I want someone that will fulfill my emotional needs first... the rest wont really matter!

All that said... I know how you feel. Try not to! There is someone out there for all of us... you included.

 

Keep your head up. Love will find you. It'll come when you least expect it and turn your whole world upside down. It'll surround you and empower you in ways you never even thought possible. You'll question it, doubt it, but love will prove itself to you. It will hold on tight and never let you go. Love is the most powerful force on earth and nothing will stop it from finding you, for you are beautiful and somewhere out there is your soulmate.

Now I know you'll read that n think oh that's nice but it doesn't apply to me cause I'm not one of "those guys". Or you don't think you've anything to offer that a guy can't get better elsewhere. But you've more to offer than you realize, and not everyone is looking for one of "those guys".

How do I know all this? Cause its happened to me. I'm 27 years old, born with a disability that renders my appearance somewhat asymmetrical and I'm wheelchair bound. I don't eat normally, being fed through a stomach tube. I'm definitely not one of "those girls" and certainly don't meet societies standards of sexy or beautiful. Was always told I had a great personality, confirming my own idea that I wasn't pretty enough. I'm high maitinence and complicated and didn't think I had anything to offer that'd be worth the trouble. And since nobody had so much as kissed me or asked me out well...I was hopeless.

Then I met her. I had downloaded a chat app just to talk to random strangers, something I enjoy doing. Wasn't looking for love at all, after all why look for that which you'll never find? Anyways I know this post is getting kinda long so I'll wrap it up. She n I got to chatting, and never stopped...we've been together since last July and she plans to move closer to me soon. She's everything to me and I'm everything to her. She's turned my world upside down and has made me feel alive!

So keep your head up, and heart open, love will find you too.

 

You are right... looking forward is always the best thing to do... in every situation... you know another thought too... is that everything in life (at least in my opinion) happens for a reason... we never really know what the reason is... but one day it becomes clear... I think the fact that you are single and feeling this way is for a reason... and as NatWheeled mentioned, maybe your reason is so that when you finally find that guy... you will be blown away by how awesome it feels? just a thought. I would just encourage you to not beat yourself up! its easy to look at the negative in life... we all do it... but if we try to focus on the positive... slowly you will begin to see the sun again... Cheers! I am always around if you need an ear...

 

I'm sorry it didn't work out with your ex. Sometimes it takes a few tries to get it right, but I know each failed relationship wears away at ones hope and optimism. Here's something to consider, something my girlfriend has recently helped me realize. We may not be one of "those people" who have the looks, the brains, n the swagger, but we have a capacity to love. We've years of love bottled up waiting for that special somebody and in the end, its love they want. Its a priceless elixer that has powers far beyond all the swagger in the world combined.