Hello folks, any advice on the following would be welcome... positive and negative I'm a thirtysix year old male, out as bisexual to most people for about let's say 8 months or so. I lived a straight life till around six months ago, have an 11 year old daughter, never married but have always been with women. Always knew I was atracted to guy's as well as women....yet never really did anything with it. Started working at a new company around 14 months ago and on the first day was standing in the smokers room and in came this guy, stood next to me and we started a chat, just small talk..... now i'm not one for believing in love at first sight but instantly I felt something come over me.... atraction/connection.... which really surprised me and I didn't know what to make of it. Anyway's.... walk back into the office, and had a meeting with my team boss, (hadn't met him yet, only knew his name)..... walked in....knocked on the office door and who was sitting there behind his desk :rolle: yup you guessed it.... the guy I felt an instant connection to in the smokers room :help: . Sat down, shook hands and started a general chat, this and that... subject of kids popped up and I mentioned I had an 11 year old daughter... asked him if he had any kids and he replied with nope.... not for me.... I'm gay.... :eek: ....heart started racing.... i'm sure I was sweating like a pig... but did my best to conceal it and replied with an... aha...okay. Anyways, that was that... few weeks passed and I would find myself staring whenever I got the chance, smelling him ( I know sounds crazy) as he walked by or stood next to me at my desk..... I was growing more and more atracted to him... but would shake it off now and then and say to myself... stop!:bang: .... anyways the months passed, we would smoke together on occasion, chat on occasion... chit chat... whatever. I ended up organising a team function, summer just passed and he and I where the first ones at the bar... had a few beers... had a laugh etc before the rest turned up.... He ended up leaving early as he felt it was inapropriate for him to get too drunk infront of the rest of his coworkers.... as he left, I ran after him, pulled him to one side and said... listen... can \i confide in you? sure, he said.... I replied and said.... I'm gay.... he smiled,hugged me and said he was meeting his mate at a gay bar, but if I wanted to talk about it or whatever he was there for me...... we went our separate ways,I went back to the rest of the team...... about an hr later I received a message on facebook frommy boss... saying cool that ur out, heres my number! ...... I was a bit like?? :eek: okay then... anyways... I knew which bar he'd gone to and left the rest of the team behind and made my way to this bar..... met up with him and went to say something to him, it was noisy so I moved in close and our cheeks touched.... god.... it felt elctric... crazy.... we ended up kissing.. one thing lead to another and I woke up the next morning wrapped in the arms of my boss.... it felt amazing (!) We had breakfast and chatted a bit, both ended up laughing and telling eachother not the most ideal situation to be in.... We would glance at eachother at work, touching eachother in passing and make comments to eachother noonewould understand,noone suspected anything.... it felt great, I fell head over heels...... then one monday morning I received a whatsapp message saying.... we need to stop this before we're in too deep.... I can't do this jobwise...I wanted to discuss this face to face, but wanted to let you know beforehand.... I felt like the ground was pulled from under my feet.... what the :***: ??? Anyways we had a chat at his place after work, he said he couldn't do it anymore... had thought hard about it and felt like he was lying to his collegues and felt it was inapropriate.... I didnt say much, only that I understood and respected his decission.... Bumped into him a few weeks later in town, both quite drunk... and we both ended up at his house again...... this went on for months..... then a few weeks ago he told me he was intome, but said that the job thing was a big issue to him, not done he said.... I told him I wasn't planning on sticking around there, nomatter the outcome... If I stay there and were not together things would be awkward every time we pass, talk or have to work together..... I was making my own plans behind the scenes. We would meet at weekends, and act like strangers at work..... this last part really started bugging me.... to the point where I couldn't handle being a dirty little secret anymore.... i put a stop to it.... we talked and I told him I couldn't do this anymore.... My felings for him where running deep and to keepon like this was breaking me...... I said I understood the position he was in, not a done thing boss-employee..... To which he replied.... again the ground felt like it was torn from under my feet.... we're not dating, i like you, I'm into you but its never gonna be,not in this situation and that I needed to let it be..... :eek:.... Okay then, thats clear, if thats what you want then so be it..... Handed my notice in yesterday.... can't stay there.... but am feeling broken now and would be gratefull for any opinions from you guy'son the matter... positive or negative... I need to let it pass,I know... I will.... but it felt so real!
You should have known it would end up becoming a problem to be so intimate with your boss. I'm glad you gave your notice first. This guy seems kind of nice, but don't think that he's the only one for you. It sucks that you had to quit; maybe you could have transferred to another department. Just move on with your life, look after your daughter, and better yourself for the next nice guy (maybe this same one or someone new!).
Hey PGtips, welcome to EC! Of course you know, your boss did the right thing (eventually). It is an impossible position to be in (so to speak) for him, and if it got out, you also know that all hell would have broken loose. Did he not give you a way out when he said "I like you, I'm into you but its never gonna be, not in this situation"? Now that you are no longer in this situation, what is preventing you from having a relationship with him?
Your right.... I've known that all along, wasn't the best situation to be in.... he did the right thing just as I'm doing the right thing by resigning..... not gonna go down the road of hope that maybe things will change.. but maybe we'll keepin touch... don't know if it was a way out when he said not in this situation.. could well be... we'll see... thanx for the welcome :icon_bigg and thanx for your reply... much apreciated ---------- Post added 6th Nov 2014 at 11:23 PM ---------- Thanx for your reply..... much apreciated... we'll see what comes of it... fornow I just need to let it go....
