Ok, I'm not good with words and am not hugely comfortable talking about this but it's been on my mind for the last 8 months according to my diary. I really like a good friend of mine. I came out to her just under 8 months ago as bisexual but have not told her how I feel about her as I'm worried it will make it awkward, as I see her everyday, have lessons with her etc. And I know what you're going to think, that it's probably just platonic and I should get over it BUT. The main reason why I have not been able to let go is because I've never had a proper crush like this before, though I know that that is partly due to me figuring out my orientation and stuff. But it's also stuck with me that when I came out to her, we had a whole deep conversation about sexuality, boyfriends, girlfriends etc. and she said that she wasn't sure what she was, so my head just went "maybe there's a chance!" Also she'll always stand close to me (though not too much), come and sit next me and chat when we're with our friendship group and just generally seem to make a point of including me in conversations. She also made an effort to get to know my family a bit at recent parties, but she could have just been being friendly. I don't know. Whenever I bring up me being bisexual or lgbtq+ stuff she just shuts down and doesn't say much at all. Like the other day when I said "Clara looked really hot in that episode" she just did not respond. Sadly I couldn't see her face as she was walking slightly in front of me, but it makes me question. I realise that it's difficult to give advice on the situation as you don't know us, but any at all would be very helpful. If you think I should move on, any tips? It's very difficult when I get on with her so well and talk to her everyday. Thank you for reading such a long post, it's nice to know that someone cares enough to read it.
Well, since it's been 8 months, I think it's safe for you to say that you like her. I mean, she has to know it's possible. But, give her the option of saying she's still not sure about herself and that you still want to be friends no matter what. Try to frame it as just being honest with her. You might even say that you feel a little sad when you mention something about LGBT stuff and she seems to not respond at all. You could also mention that you don't want her to assume that's all you think about but that you feel like sometimes you're walking on eggshells (or whatever phrase is used in England) when you bring up the subject.
First of all, thank you so much for reading and replying, it means a lot. So you think I should tell her how I feel? I'm of two minds: one that it hasn't happened for a while and so probably never will, but two that she's just not sure and is scared to say anything. I like the idea of saying I'm walking on eggshells when lgbtq+ stuff comes up, I will definitely be saying that sometime in the near future. The trouble is getting a chance to talk alone face-to-face is not easy. Would it work via text?
I will give the same advice as I always do - just tell her what you feel. It's very hard, I know, I went through the same. I was playing with the thought of telling him for like half a year, and then when I finally decided I do want to tell him, and made an acount here, it still took me two more months to pick up the courage. But everything is much better now after I have told him. I'm gonna try and condense this into a short story - there were VERY mixed signals from my friend, we had a really really deep friendship, he touched me a lot, he was always close to me, he numerously told me he loves me and he even asked me twice to lay with him in his bed. But I was scared to follow through, because I wasn't sure about my own sexuality yet - and then he got a girlfriend he loves a lot. The weird thing is, he continued doing all of this even after that. I told him the truth over FB this august, some 8 months after he got his gf. He replied he is very surprised but that he wants to remain my best friend and would hate to lose me as a friend and that's he's completely fine with it. He didn't say anything about how he feels about me. Today, we are still best friends after all of this, probably even better than before. But I think things might have turned out differently if I told him back then, when we were still so super close. That's why my advice is - just tell her what you feel. The sooner, the better. It is the best option in any way you look at it. Think about what can happen when you tell her: - she will like you back and you will be happy - she won't like you back but you will remain friends and your friendship will become even better - she won't like it, and your friendship will be damaged - which sounds terrible, I know, but from a logical standpoint, this is still the best thing for both of you, because if you can't be 100% honest to each other then you can't be best friends
Text makes it too easy for her to ignore it, so eventually it will be even more awkward once you meet her in person. Try texting you have something important to say and want to find a quiet place to talk with her. (*hug*) Good luck, and remember no matter what happens, you will get through this!
God, I hate my life right now. I wish that I was straight because my family wouldn't hate me, but I'm falling for her so hard. Why her? Why now? And she's with a guy, a guy who under normal circumstances I might be friends with, but I hate seeing them together too much to even try to get to know him. Even as I'm writing this, desire consumes me. And I let it, because my heart is stubborn; she's the only one I see, and the only one I want.
Ok. Thank you guys so much, your advice has helped a lot. I was worried people were going to say let her go straight away and I didn't want to do that. Not that I particularly want to tell her how I feel either but if you guys think that that's best, I will give it a shot. I'll bring it up by saying about walking on eggshells and then see what happens. I think I'll talk it through with another friend who happens to be gay and see what she says first, and then just get on and do it @resu: I'll try and do it face to face then. @user123456: your story inspired me, and has helped me feel a bit more positive about the situation. @pointofnoreturn: I get you, it is difficult not being able to tell someone how you feel - try and stay positive, there will be someone out there for you!
Yeah forgot to say this but completely agree with Resu that it's much better done in person! I wasn't able to do it but I wish I could. I was able to tell my ex-girlfriend the truth in person finally though and I tell you, it's so much more personal when done that way. Texting about wanting to meet and discussing something is great, because once you make plans to do it, it is impossible to back out.
Of course I want to make it personal, it's just hard. How about something like: "Hey, I kinda want to talk to you about something, would it be possible to go somewhere without everyone else at lunch on [insert next day] so we can talk?"? Crap I can barely consider telling her. Now that I've decided I'm going to, I thought I would easily follow through. It's not looking like that in my head. HOW DO YOU DO THIS?!?! I mean I know how but wow the nerves at just sending a text blimey.
The great thing about texting / messaging is that you can type the message, review it, all calmly and alone without stress, and then you just need to press Enter really, pressing Enter is easy. But by pressing that Enter, you promise your friend to tell her something, and thus promise yourself to overcome the fear and do it!
Update: I FINALLY SENT THE TEXT!!! I was going to chicken out but then a friend (who knows) would not let me get off the bus until I'd pressed send. Thank god otherwise I never would have done it. The only trouble is I had to make further commitment to it when I she didn't reply and I had to ask her in person if we could talk. Tomorrow. It is happening tomorrow, and I am freaking out. Also I told my gay friend and they agree that I should tell her and will make efforts to make sure that no one else will be there when I tell her. I have a good backup if I chicken out, I just hope I'm not going to.
Trust me, that was not a quick approach. Took me months to do anything about it. Anyway for my own sanity I should probably not drag this all up again but the story felt unfinished here. You've probably guessed by my lack of update, but she's straight I told her on the Friday, as I said I would and it all went surprisingly as planned (apart from the obvious) - we managed to get away from our friends, had a long chat, which included me telling her how I felt, and her saying our friendship will not be damaged by this! I'm glad I can still talk to her, and I think in time it will mean we'll be closer than ever, just as you, user123456, said it happened to you. However right now I'm feeling pretty bummed. It's VERY difficult to move on as well, as I talk to her a lot (not on purpose) or if not then there will not go a day without the mention of her. I really wish I could just leave to get my mind off of this, but that's not possible. Any tips for moving on in a situation such as this? No one seems to see me in a romantic way at all, so I've kind of given up on love, which is sad, because I love the idea of love.
This will probably sound like a cliche and I totally felt like the same when I went through this and people were telling this to me, but - time will heal that. I know at first it is hard to let it go but now that you know she is unavailable, the feelings will fade in my case, I told him during the holidays, so I didn't see him for a month after telling him - maybe, if it's at least a little possible, try to avoid her a little - not entirely, just give yourself some time to "regenerate". Also, what is very important, as DragonHerz adviced me here on this forum, is that you actually have to WANT to let her go. After I was told this, I realized that indeed I didn't actually want to get over it - you must realize that this is the best thing for you! You said you "gave up on love" - I feel like I'm reading my own thoughts that's exactly what I felt when this happened to me, that I want to love someone but so far love has only gotten me down - but once again, time will heal this. I know your that your heart disagrees right now, but trust me, as I said people told me the same and I didn't believe them, but now, just a few months later, I'm all over it, I came out to more people, and just yesterday I was on my very first date with a guy So whatever you do, DON'T GIVE UP! Life is sometimes hard but it always gets better for people who want to make it better
First of all, I just want to give you a hug (*hug*) as you've been so kind and helpful with all of this! Seriously. Thank you. Time. Ugh, I knew you were gonna say that, I just really wish that I could just get over her now! Christmas holidays are coming up so hopefully that will help. We're now a lot less awkward which is great, though it does make my mind wander... it's really hard to just not think of her in that way. Thank you for telling about wanting to let her go. It's helped already, and I know I'm going to keep repeating that in my head until it actually sinks in that I can't have and have to move on. I know that really, it's just getting my irrational side to agree I'll try and stay hopeful... Ooh how did the date go? If you don't mind me asking! Once again THANK YOU. You are amazing
