Hi, Sorry if there is already a forum relating to this topic, I am new here and was unable to find one. My problem is one that, I'd presume, isn't isolated. For the past four years, I have been in a relationship with a girl with whom, I feel, I have a sustainable future. I'm 18. However, I am bisexual, or at least bi-curious, and feel as though I should experiment with my sexuality. I would hate to jeopardize my relationship, as it's by far the best and most important part of my life. At the same time though, I don't want to have feelings of regret in years to come. On the one hand, I could end my relationship and end up having no homosexual experiences, having ended a promising relationship in vain. On the other, I could stay with my gf, and suppress my desire of experimentation, only to realise that my relationship isn't as strong as it had been in middle and high school. I am going to college next year in the same city as my gf. What should I do? Does anyone have a similar experience under their belt? Any advice would be very much appreciated.
Well, have you told her about your sexuality? If she can't accept a fundamental part of your identity, do you really want to be with her? This is independent of experimenting, which definitely conflicts with a monogamous relationship, if that's what you two want. So, obviously, you should discuss with her just what exactly is your relationship, your goals, and how you two can come to an agreement. Hope this helps.
Hey Resu, thanks for the reply We've discussed it before and she understands. She offered to break up mutually in order for me to experiment, but I was overwhelmed at the time and didn't (don't) feel as though I want to split up. And we both view monogamy as a key factor of our relationship. She is very understanding and supportive, and offered to maintain our friendship should I pursue this, but I value our relationship above all else, and am afraid of the thought of my future without her. In retrospect, there doesn't seem to be much anyone else can say as advice, haha. I guess everyone's experiences are independent, but I just feel lost, and the topic isn't going away, so I came here as a last resort in the hope of a miraculous solution that solves everything, haha.
Then tell her you don't want to split up but you still want to experiment. It's better to be upfront with her than go behind your back. That's certain to create trust issues and maybe a really break up.
Yeah if the realationship is important to you, consider an open relationship. If you both feel as if you absolutely can not be with more people, then break up. But if you really want to stay together, talk with her, tell her how much you care for her and want to stay together and also tell her how much you need to experiment and find out about your bisexuality. Ask her if she would be comfortable with dating you while you see a man. You two could lay out ground rules. For example, my boyfriend and I have an understanding that I also see one girl exclusively. I don't sleep around with a lot of girls; just one in particular. And I never sleep with other men because he satisfies me completely in that aspect. Hopefully this helps. Hopefully you guys can figure out something that works for both of you. I know as a bisexual, monogamy was important to me too; but my boyfriend and I came up with a solution and ended up having a semi open relationship. Sometimes monogamy works and sometimes it doesn't. The key is to be open and communicate with your girlfriend.
