Hi. I am a straight female but unfortunately I do not really have anyone in my life who can fully relate to this or help me out so I feel like this could be a good place. I am 20 and this past month my (now ex) boyfriend broke up with me because he thinks he is bisexual. We were dating for four years. Personally, I have no problem with him being bisexual and I told him this and I told him that I would be there for him and help him and support him through this difficult time of trying to figure out his sexuality. He insisted that he wouldn't be able to do that and he needs time to figure himself out and experiment with other guys. To say that I am crushed and heartbroken is an understatement. He told me that he doesn't want to hurt me and I know he feels so terrible about doing this but I just don't understand how JUST because you are bisexual you think you need to end a 4 year long, loving and supportive relationship. Do you think that's the only reason? I keep wracking my brain as to things that I could have done wrong. It's so difficult for me to accept that he is not in love with me anymore and wants to experiment with other people just because he thinks he is bisexual. I just could really use some advice from bisexual people or anyone that has experienced a similar situation. Thank you so much.
Sorry you went through so much pain, and I'm happy that you supported him regardless. His want to experiment may have been a huge factor and he may have been afraid of what would happen if he couldn't control the urge and ended up sleeping with men during the relationship. Again, sorry about the break-up.
I just feel like there had to have been something I could have done. It can't be JUST because he's bisexual, right?
Firstly, I am sorry you are going through so much pain and heartache right now.. It's a hard feeling to go through.. And I agree with fallingdown7, if he is wanting to experiment with guys and wanted to be physically intimate with a man, then maybe it is why he broke up with you.. Maybe the urge to want to be with a man right now is too much and he was afraid of cheating on you, so he was honest with you about it so he could go off and experiment and not be cheating on you. I think as hard as it is, you just need to to focus on things that will take your mind off him and just accept and respect for now that this is what he needs to do.
From my perspective, someone who is also has been in a relationship for 4 yrs with my gf. I don't think you did anything wrong, i feel as if he is just not handling the fact that he is bisexual as well as he/you hoped. He could even feel(as said above) that he would want to experiment but not cheat on you, ultimately ending the relationship. I think that he would tell you, after 4 yrs of a relationship, if there was something more to it then just him discovering his sexual orientation. Keep you chin up, be as supportive as you can be. Most of all, take care of yourself, i know its a tough time right now. Just try and think as positively as possible, everything will work out in the end
Oh honey. I am so sorry you had to go through this. I don't think it is anything you have done. I struggled with accepting my bisexuality. But after I started it, I never had an open or polly relationship; I was either with men or women. Not both at the same time. I almost broke up with my current boyfriend because I had such a strong desire to be with women. I was literally in tears. But my boyfriend, also bi, was so understanding and told me I didn't have to choose and encouraged me to find a girlfriend. I am glad we didn't break up. I am sorry he didn't as you if you minded him having a boyfriend and also date you. Idk if you would be ok with that? Some people just want to be monagamous. Or maybe he wasn't ok with that? Some bi people also prefere manogamy. All I really know for sure is that it is probably really confusing for him right now, and he does need to find himself. Are you guys still talking as friends? If so keep beeing supportive and also maybe you guys will figure something out that can make you both happy and get back together. But if that doesn't end up happening, chin up, you will get through it. And we are here for you.
I am so sorry about the breakup. As others have said, you need to take care of yourself, but the fact that you're there to be supportive is great. In March, I broke up with the guy I have been with for 7 of the last 8 years. He too is bi, and he wanted to experiment as well - but from the opposite perspective. He wanted to experiment with women. We started dating his sophomore year of college, he was still a virgin, and he had never had a relationship with a woman. In June he started dating a girl. I support him, but at the same time, I understand the total devastation that happens when you lose the best relationship you've ever had. I am still best friends with him. But it's not easy. Being around while he's dating someone else can be a person hell. I hope everything works out for you two, in whatever sense it can / does. But make sure to take some time apart, to get your mind together and to make sure you're dealing ok. If you ever need to talk, feel free to message me
Wow, that's shitty... It sounds to me like he just broke up with you because he wanted to have sex with other men. And that's just not right. That's some seriously unethical shit.
Yup. I also hope to explore my "gay" side before being in a relationship with a girl, or else I'll jeopardize it in the long run. Also a reason why I broke up with my first relationship. I couldn't help to wonder the gay sexual thoughts that I had, and what it truly meant. To me, it sounds like he wants to get a better understanding of himself before involving anyone else in his life. The last thing anyone wants to hear in a marriage is that their partner hasn't been completely honest with them. I hope for the best; for you and him.
No. It absolutely can be! First of all, there is no "JUST" in being bisexual from the perspective of the person who is. You probably don't realize how much your straightness influences your habits, relationships, life choices etc. It's downright freaky if you really think about it... Try replacing bisexual with different minority groups and you'll see how odd your question sounds: "It can't be JUST because he's [black], right?" "It can't be JUST because he's [Jewish], right?" These are complex identities that certainly influence relationship choices! Being in a position of privilege (in this case heterosexual) makes it more difficult to be aware of and understand that complexity. Take for instance the complexity of the LGBT community and its identity politics. If he is attached to a woman it could be more difficult for him to find recognition and acceptance among other men who are attracted to men, and it could be more difficult for him to fully experience and explore his sexual identity. Something else you said caught my attention: This wording, again with the use of the word "just" shows that you may not fully appreciate what a big deal it can be for someone to consider identifying as bisexual. If he's anything like me and others that I know this is probably occupying most of his thoughts during his spare time and perhaps even getting in the way of doing work and things he enjoys. This may be a big, scary ordeal for him and a journey that he needs to take on his own. Actually, for all of us, it's a journey we must take on our own, even if in a relationship. Sometimes it can be helpful to not be attached to someone. Relationships are a breeding ground for expectations and a whole host of other pressures. He has a lot on his mind right now and needs to not be stressed about his relationship. The more you learn about male bisexuality the more you'll come to understand that it's not about you.... and to appreciate that he shared that side of himself with you at all.
I'm sorry about the wording of my post. My intention was in no way to minimize his feelings and confusions of bisexuality, which I know is so incredibly hard for him to go through. The reason I said "just" was because we both still very clearly have feelings for each other so it's hard for me to grasp that the fact that he is bisexual is the only reason why we broke up. In my mind, I feel like if he loved me enough and felt like he could make it work, he could. I've heard many stories of bisexual people coming out to their partners and staying together. That's what's confusing to me. I appreciate all your help and support so much. This has been a really really tough time for me and I'm trying to do as much as I can to put myself in his shoes but it's really hard when I will never be able to understand what he's going through. Another question: he made it pretty clear to me that he wants to experiment with guys in order to discover whether or not his feelings of bisexuality are real. My worry is that if we ever get back together I will never be able to fully provide him what he wants. Since I am a girl, I will never be able to fulfill his wants or desires for a man and that truly crushes me. I feel like no matter what I do I will never be able to be enough. Any advice or thoughts?
I hate to say it but that could be true, things may not be the same but their is other possibilities. I have a friend, who has been with his girlfriend for a long time, they are insanely in love but he is bisexual and occasionally, with his gfs permission, has time with a guy friend(and only that one guy friend). They set ground rules that allowed him to do so and both are happy.
i say fluff him up the ass he should have discovered before he met you men are all the same (*hug*) ---------- Post added 8th Nov 2014 at 03:47 PM ---------- get a strapon and occassionally be his drag king (girl that dresses up to look exactly like a male) it would add some spice to the romance . also dont forget to spiritually brofist with him and do crazy crap with him
If you ever do get back together, just because he is bi doesn't mean you can't be enough. IF he loves you enough... You guys can set ground rules for him having a guy... but if you don't want to, he SHOULD be ok with that. But I can't predict the future. Idk what will happen. But I do wish you good luck. And if it doesn't work out the way you had wished, be strong and move on. Lots of love to you.
