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Is it bad to still want to forgive him and take him back?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Sesshomaru, Nov 9, 2014.

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  1. Sesshomaru

    Sesshomaru
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    I found out about 4-5 weeks ago that my "boyfriend" who I had never made anything completely official with due to him saying he wasn't ready for a relationship and didn't want an official one with me had started seeing the "friend" that I had asked him so many times about if there was something going on. After such we had a really nasty argument and ceased talking to each other. I've now calmed down and texted him to at the very least apologize on my end for the mean things I'd said the night he told me the "friend" was now officially his boyfriend and for me to basically fuck off and now I'm kinda beating myself up for not coming to the realization sooner that something was going on, but also because somehow I can see myself finding a way to forgive him and accept him back if he would ever allow it if they were to one day break up. We pretty much argued for the entire next day after he finally came clean and told me they were now together after I went to limitless lengths to convince him that not only was a relationship possible but that one with me would be amazing as well. And for whatever reason it seems to have driven him into the arms of another man.

    Am I somehow fucked up in the head to go through all of that yet still be willing to forgive him if it meant being able to one day call him my boyfriend and have it be true (instead of how we used to refer to each other as our boyfriend in public but in private he always felt the need to correct it later)?
     
    #1 Sesshomaru, Nov 9, 2014
  2. rhapsodic

    rhapsodic
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    Sorry to be blunt, but I think he's made it clear that he doesn't want to be with you.

    I think you're better off without him. Know what you deserve. Anyone who makes you feel awful shouldn't be in your life.
     
    #2 rhapsodic, Nov 9, 2014
  3. Skov

    Skov
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    It sucks, but he clearly doesn't want to be with you. It's best to stop talking to him. You may want to consider deleting his number and deleting him off social networking. It seems extreme, but it is truly the best in the long run in my opinion.
     
    #3 Skov, Nov 9, 2014
  4. Chip

    Chip
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    I have to agree.

    First, even though it wasn't official, he wasn't being genuine with you... he was playing you against the other person. That is a pretty clear indication that he has little or no personal integrity, and little concerns for your needs. Not someone you want to be with becuase you deserve better.

    Second... this is about you. The very fact that this guy screwed you over and you're considering taking him back, should the opportunity arise, points to you not believing that you deserve better. A person with healthy self-esteem would realize that they don't deserve this sort of treatment, and would let it go and seek a healthier relationship. Of course... it takes time to work through the self-esteem issues that drive this sort of behavior, but if you do, I guarantee you'll be happier for it.
     
    #4 Chip, Nov 9, 2014
  5. Sesshomaru

    Sesshomaru
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    I've deleted his number and removed him from my Facebook long ago. I have a pretty near photographic memory though so of course I still remember his number.

    How do I even begin to fix the self esteem thing? This is now the second time within a year that I've been dumped in favor of someone else. And both guys when dumping me gave me the same line of "I hope I don't look back one day and regret letting you go as the biggest mistake of my life". One of which has come back to admit that he hates that he left me and it just sucks that no one ever considers me first.
     
    #5 Sesshomaru, Nov 9, 2014
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