1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Today was the worst day of my life... Please help...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by User87, Nov 10, 2014.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

Page 1 of 2
  1. User87

    User87
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2014
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hi! I'd like you to know my story, and maybe to give me so advice, because I feel depressed like never before.

    Recently, I've moved to a new school. Starting the first day, everything was just awesome! I made a few friends and even thought that I found my best friend. A very tolerant straight guy who seemed to like me (as friends of course) and I kinda liked him (as friends). It might not seem so special to you, but I've never had a real friend, and I was very very happy that I found one, at least. I did a lot for him: I tutored him, I helped him with his homework, I did everything humanly possible to make him happy. Then, something happened. He told me that he's actually gay and that he loves me for my ''beautiful soul'' and for my ''wonderful personality''. That's the first time somebody told me something like that. I've never had a boyfriend, and my look doesn't help. I was so happy... and hopeful... Because I thought that, after all this time, someone appreciates what I do and what I am. Anyway, he said that he really wanted us to have a relationship, and that he wants to have his first kiss with me. I kindly refused him, telling him that I was not ready to have a relationship yet... He then told me that he'll wait for me, untill I'm ready. He wrote a lot of beautiful things about me, and I actually believed that he was honest.

    But then, he gave me a link of a song called ''I'm happy that you've been pranked'' (or sth like that) and started laughing like crazy, proud of his doing. He told me that he hates me, my personality, my behaviour and everything about me. That he hates all homosexuals. He also told me that we've never been friends. After all those months of effort, of trying to be a good friend, he just made this, and was very surprised that this affected me so much, even though I clearly stated before that if he's lying, we'll never be friends again. He give me false hope, and then easly put me down with no effort at all. For him, it was just a game. That's how I lost the only ''friend'' I have. My life is a mess. My parents hate me, everybody hates me and nobody sees what I'm going through. My very big dream is crushed. I have no qualities. I'm not cute (I'm the opposite of cute) and not even that smart. How can I be so unfortunate and still succeed? How can I be positive about the future if I've always been positive about it and was always proved wrong? Is this whole thing not such a big deal? Am I too sensitive? Sorry for the long post.

    PS: I'm only out to my parents and a few ''friends''. My parents hate me for being gay.
     
    #1 User87, Nov 10, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2014
  2. Rainbows~Exist

    Rainbows~Exist
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2013
    Messages:
    926
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wales... unfortunately
    I can only say one thing after reading this...

    What a f***ing c**t

    You shouldn't have to put up with sh** like this, no one should. I feel really bad for you :frowning2: I hope you're okay and I hope things will get better :frowning2:
     
    #2 Rainbows~Exist, Nov 10, 2014
  3. greatwhale

    greatwhale
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2013
    Messages:
    6,582
    Likes Received:
    413
    Location:
    Montreal
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey User87, welcome to EC!

    What a cruel thing to do.

    The most important thing to remember is that the problem is with him. That was bordering on psychopathic behaviour: characterized by a complete absence of remorse or of being able to empathize with another human being.

    Do not, under any circumstances, give him any reason for his behaviour. Whether you think you are cute or not, whether you think you are smart or not, this has nothing to do with why he behaved this way towards you. The sickness is in him, not you, the ugliness is in his own soul, not yours!

    May I ask where you are (general location, no details)? It may help us understand why this happened.
     
    #3 greatwhale, Nov 10, 2014
  4. Chip

    Chip
    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,560
    Likes Received:
    4,757
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi.

    First, welcome to EC. I'm sorry your decision to join here is under such difficult choices. While I haven't had an experience exactly like yours, I have experienced situations similar, and I know just how shitty it feels, on so many levels. It's prety indescribable, if you allow yourself to feel it, what it feels like... at least for me. Adding to that having parents who don't support you, and I can totally understand while you feel so shitty.

    For what it's worth, the EC community is here for you. And many of us have been in situations similar to yours. So while it isn't the same as having loving parents or supportive people around you, the community members here can help and listen and be supportive to you... and I think you'll find that you can develop strength and confidence, even though that might seem completely impossible at present.

    I'm also going to say something that might surprise you a little. It sounds like this relationship with this person developed over time, slowly. And then, one day, he told you he pranked you. But I don't believe that's what actually happened. While it's possible, I think it would be pretty difficult for someone to do that over a period of time, so completely.

    I think it's more likely that the feelings he expressed were (and perhaps are) genuine, but as he got closer to really understanding and accepting himself, it scared the shit out of him... and so he pushed you (and his own feelings) away. People who are comfortable with their own sexual orientation -- particularly people your age -- don't usually have a hatred for gay people. If they do, they avoid them completely. Very rarely do you find someone who is both that manipulative and that good at appearing authentic.

    The catch is... this doesn't help your situation, except, perhaps, to explain it. There's nothing you can do to help his process along (assuming I'm even correct, which I may not be.) He simply needs time to process what he's feeling, and come to terms with it. And maybe, if he's a decent human being, at some point, 3 months or 5 years from now, he'll reach out and apologize.

    One thing I can assure you: Whether you're gorgeous outside really doesn't matter. You're clearly a kind, loving person, and one who cares about others. Someone is out there for you. It may take time to find him, but you will.
     
    #4 Chip, Nov 10, 2014
  5. MissMiri

    MissMiri
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2014
    Messages:
    288
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Elkhart,Indiana
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    i have been there having someone tell the most sweet sounding lies just so he can rip me to shreds later on. I personally want to kick this guys ass and show him how a real man of honor act I may lack the physical parts to be a man but that doesnt mean i lack the soul of one. (*hug*)
     
    #5 MissMiri, Nov 10, 2014
  6. xbabewtattoosx

    xbabewtattoosx
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2014
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Massachusetts
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Hi.

    I'm sorry that this happened to you. People are so cruel and lame. No one should have to deal with stuff like this, but unfortunately there are cruddy people out there.

    Don't let this person get you down. Really at the end of the day, they are the ones who need to do some real soul searching. Maybe the hate he feels is really for himself and he just chose you as a scapegoat to take everything out on. Whatever the reason... it's not you.

    You said you have no "qualities"... listing being cute and smart as some of the only possibilities. Everyone has some good qualities to them. They include (but are not limited to) anything from kindness to generosity to being genuine or being true to yourself. And those kinds of qualities are the ones that matter. Don't sell yourself short because someone acted like a jerk. Don't put the weight of your worth in someone else's hands. Keep your head up.
     
    #6 xbabewtattoosx, Nov 10, 2014
  7. User87

    User87
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2014
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Dr.Rorschach, greatwhale, Chip, MissMiri, xbabewtattoosx thank you so much for posting here. Your posts really helped me. It's such a great feeling to feel the warmth of your words. It's wonderful to know that there are good people in this world, it gives me hope. :slight_smile:

    Hi! Thank you! Hopefully, it'll get better..


    Hey! I'm not from the USA, I'm from Romania, a very small (yet very homophobic) country from Europe.

    Hi! Well, we were friends for 2 months but his ''prank'' happend today. He used to do the same types of pranks on a friend that is gay, but they were made more as very obvious ''jokes''.

    Maybe he did that because I refused him (and it seemed that he tried really hard to convience me)? Maybe he just wanted to experiment, but decided to cover all up after I refused to kiss him (he insisted a lot)? I really don't know... I do know, however, that I refused him in the best way possible, trying as hard as I could not to hurt his feelings (because that was way too sudden, and I wasn't ready for a relationship like that+I knew about the ''jokes'' he made when my friend was around).

    What makes me think he's gay:
    1. He asked me a lot of questions about being gay. Especially about ''how I found out I was gay''.
    2. His words seemed very real.
    3. I don't see him doing this whole prank only for fun. There has to be a reason behind it. Maybe this is his mind's way to prove that he's not gay so he can feel good about himself? There are a lot of possibilities.
    4. He seemed to like spending time to me. He always invited me out on the school breaks, on our way home, at the library, pretty much everywhere... And suddenly, he tells me that he hates everything I am... There has to be a reason behind this


    This is so complicated... I am certain that there is a real possibility of him being gay though.

    I'm sorry that this happend to you too. :frowning2: You sure deserve more.

    Hi! Thank you! I think you're right. I shouldn't ''put the weight of your worth in someone else's hands''. I wish I could do that.
     
    #7 User87, Nov 10, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2014
  8. zygnomic

    zygnomic
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2014
    Messages:
    170
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Im sorry this happened to you, all i can say is he is an asshole and doesn't deserve what you have to offer. Which is far more then you think you have.

    I know not having supportive family, or friends at the moment can be tough. I assure you, i you're parents are mad at him they surely do not hate you, might not approve of you orientation, but it seems like they can sympathizes with you. And you're not/U] alone, there are so many people in this community that will help provide support for you, unconditionally. I am one of the many, as well as others who posted here, feel free to message me anytime.

    You mentioned how you have no qualities, which to me is hard to believe. Just from this post, i can tell you are sweet, beautiful(Inside and out), genuine, trusting and honest. Don't beat yourself up because someone else decided to try and mess with you. Keep you chin up, when you fall ten times, get up eleven. Someone is out there for you and you will find that person one day :grin:
     
    #8 zygnomic, Nov 10, 2014
  9. ajsivy

    ajsivy
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2014
    Messages:
    116
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Usa, near dc
    Well first of all it sounds like you need a hug So here! (*hug*)
    anyway as other people have said thats a problem with Him and them not you. and that that is a really terrible thing to do. And you deserve better than people like that. does your school have a gsa or something or does your community have a lgbt youth club because i would recommend a meeting of one of those to help you find friends. and just remember you are you and dont be afraid to be who that is even if no one else appreciates it.
     
    #9 ajsivy, Nov 10, 2014
  10. resu

    resu
    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,968
    Likes Received:
    395
    Location:
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I'm sorry that you even met this animal. Just live and learn. I just want you to know that you don't need to do everything you can keep a friend happy. This guy is just a parasite, and he obviously will not go far in life if that's how he treats his "friends". Sure, he'll find some acquaintances, but years from now, he will be a sorry shell of a man, ashamed of his past actions as all the decent people in his life stay away from him.

    I don't hate you. Also, you can find friends who will accept you for how you are with out needing to jump through hoops. You just have to look for those misfits, quiet people, the ones who are shy and kind. A few close friends are worth more than many shallow "friends".
     
    #10 resu, Nov 10, 2014
  11. Blossom85

    Blossom85
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2014
    Messages:
    1,377
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New South Wales, Australia
    I read this earlier and I wanted to wait till I had time to reply properly.. I am so sorry that this has happened to you.. That guy just isn't deserving of anyone in my eyes. That is the one of the worst things a human being could do to another. I know it's really hard and you probably feel so betrayed and hurt and just in a lot of pain.. I wish with all of my heart that people weren't like this and we lived in a better world where this didn't happen.. Sadly it does happen and I think you just need to stay strong and learn from this experience.. It may take a while to figure out what you learn from it, but just know that you have a lot of supportive people here and we are all here for you.. Please don't think on it too much, I know it's hard but he isn't deserving of you at all, even as a friend.. Also it's not the amount of friends you have, but the quality of friends you have and you might not have a lot in real life, but you have a lot right here. ~hugs you tight~
     
    #11 Blossom85, Nov 10, 2014
  12. User87

    User87
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2014
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Thanks for the advice guys. And for the hugs!! :slight_smile: ajsivy, there is no such thing as a ''lgbt club'' in the city I live in. Actually, there are only a few in the entire country...

    Update
    Today the guy I was talking about in my previous posts (the one who made the ''prank'') insisted that we go home together. I tried to refuse him, but then I thought that if I go with him, I'll have the chance to tell him why what he did was wrong, because he seemed to not understand that, and to find out why he did it. We talked for about 1-2 hours, and I explained to him how much his prank affected me. He apologised, and said that he wants us to be friends again... When I asked him if he felt remorse at all, he told me that he felt ''something'', but that ''he couldn't measure the intensity of that emotion''. I didn't know what to do, but then I remembered that this is not the first time he makes a ''prank'' like this (he did something similar before) and that he did it the second time even though he I told him how much it'd affect me. I believe in second chances, and that's why I tried to forgot what he did the first time, thinking that he wouldn't do that again, but I was wrong. He told me that the reason why he did his ''prank'' was ''to test how much I trust him''. I refused him, telling him that I can't give him the chance to do what he did before, even though he promised not to do that again (he told me that he was ''bored'' of pranks). The thing is, he told me that he ''didn't know that a prank can affect me so much''... I can't understand how is that possible, as I clearly told him that it would... But still, I can't get this out of my mind. I feel anxious, guilty and depressed for refusing his apology, and yet, it seems to me that I did the right thing. I can't trust him after he had fooled me two times in a row... Earlier, he asked me (ok facebook) if my decision was permanent, and after I told him that ''probably yes'' he said ''ok, I'll leave you alone, I'll pretend that you don't exist but only if you do the same thing''. Then he said something that makes me feel that I'm a bad person... After he did his ''prank'', I was the worst version of myself. I was in the classroom and I told two class mates that ''they should stay away from him, because he's a psychopat'', and he was there whene I said it (they didn't do that, so I didn't affected their relationship in a negative way). I apologised for doing this, but he said that he didn't need my apology and left.

    I'm so sorry I wrote so much, it's just... I've always been by myself, but it seems that I can't manage this by myself anymore. Thank you again for your support! You are AWESOME guys!
     
    #12 User87, Nov 12, 2014
  13. User87

    User87
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2014
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I just realised that I forgot to add the questions in my previous post, so I'll do that now: Was rejecting his apology a bad thing? Should I forgive him, give him a third chance and start being friends with him again...?

    Regarding my mistake, I personally feel very guilty for telling my class mates that ''he's a psychopath'', I shouldn't have done that, even though he deserved it. I just... acted without thinking. That was the worst version of me...
     
    #13 User87, Nov 12, 2014
  14. greatwhale

    greatwhale
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2013
    Messages:
    6,582
    Likes Received:
    413
    Location:
    Montreal
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Whether it's one chance or 10, how much pain can you endure? Still, his behaviour is bizarre to say the least.

    I do think he is trying to regain your trust, but he has damaged it almost to the breaking point. If you do decide to let him into your life again, you need to be very clear with him. If he does that again, you will cut off all contact...But don't do it right away, take your time, let him feel what it's like to be without you as a friend. He should understand how much he hurt you, just telling him won't do, let him feel what it's like to be without you for a while.

    If you do let him back in, be very cautious, take it slow, you don't need to see him every day. Limit your exposure to him at first. He's going to have to earn your trust, something he's violated twice already. It will take time.
     
    #14 greatwhale, Nov 12, 2014
  15. anniesims

    anniesims
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2014
    Messages:
    54
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Boston
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Yes be cautious.
     
    #15 anniesims, Nov 12, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2014
  16. Tardis2020

    Tardis2020
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2014
    Messages:
    394
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York
    Let me put it this way:

    Fuck No!

    Don't give him a second chance, he's an asshole and interacting with him can only result in pain for you
     
    #16 Tardis2020, Nov 12, 2014
  17. resu

    resu
    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,968
    Likes Received:
    395
    Location:
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Sounds like he has some psychological issues, maybe some inherent lack of empathy or understanding of right and wrong. You should be very careful, IMO. Hmm, reading more, it seems you also noticed the psychopathic-like behavior. Luckily, with proper help, many people can live productive lives even if this is something in their personalities. But, you shouldn't be the one doing the help.

    ---------- Post added 13th Nov 2014 at 07:13 PM ----------

    Basically, you should tell him you don't trust his words and will only believe his actions.

    ---------- Post added 13th Nov 2014 at 07:14 PM ----------

    Maybe you should advise him to talk to a counselor.
     
    #17 resu, Nov 13, 2014
  18. ChameleonSoul

    ChameleonSoul
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2014
    Messages:
    1,131
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Upstate New York
    Don't forgive him! He obviously hasn't realized the horrible effects that this "prank" has on his victims. It sounds like he has some sort of psychological issue that needs to be dealt with, either that or he's just a dick. Either way, I think going back to him will only let him hurt you again in the future.
     
    #18 ChameleonSoul, Nov 13, 2014
  19. Snever2late

    Snever2late
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2014
    Messages:
    94
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New England
    You sound like a wonderful, caring, empathetic human being. His behavior is clearly inappropriate and if he can be that fickle and hurtful "testing" you, then I can't imagine how he would act to someone he really didn't care for.

    While it's possible that he really didn't know how badly his actions would affect you, sometimes I think sometimes people apologize to make themselves feel better. So when they reflect on their actions, they can say "well at least I apologized." It's okay to forgive him, but still not want to involve yourself with him. It can help you let go of those bad feelings and move forward.

    You sound like a very mature person with a good head on your shoulders. And you should know that you're beautiful, in every way. Keep telling yourself that until you believe it, because it's true.
     
    #19 Snever2late, Nov 13, 2014
  20. MissRanger

    MissRanger Guest

    I am sorry that a "friend" like that betrayed your trust. Your "friend" has some serious issue to work on that he would do all that effort and way to play you like that. I think your friend might be hiding his true feelings about you. Its very rare for me to believe that someone that psycho would do such a thing. My advice is don't let his inhumane action control you and make you feel that you are some despicable person. He is not worth the time and hopefully he'll realize his wrong doings towards you. Also you sound like a wonderful person with a big heart. Those qualities are far more important than looks itself :grin:

    I've had my share of a person that pretended to be my friend when all along she didn't like me. It took months for me to ease the pain a little. After those months of darkness I restored my life again and thought that it will get better. My anger and sadness towards her actually motivated me to do my best in school so I can compete with her and show that I am a better person and she made a huge mistake of betraying me.

    I know its hard not to let it get into you but try your best to not let it affect your life. I know it hurts and it will take time to get back on your feet. When life turns against you, you just need to be stronger person. Stay positive about your future because its only you who can make it a reality :grin: Think of this situation as an experience and challenge of your well-being. If you need someone to pour all your souls out, I'm all here :grin:
     
    #20 MissRanger, Nov 13, 2014
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)
Page 1 of 2