Hi all. I'm new here and this is my very first posT! Yayyyy.....or something. I just really needed somewhere to turn, some advice from people who have been through something similar, etc Of course I hope you can understand that not everything is black and white, and I hope this is a judge free zone, so with that being said.... I've been with my girlfriend for s lil over two years. She's the light of my life, and my favorite part of everyday. I love her more than I ever thought possible. With the holidays quickly approaching..... Comes family time. I'm not welcomed in her mothers house. Kicker: her mother used to be like my second mother...until I fell for her daughter. My kids even call her mamaw. But ever since I got with her daughter..... My girlfriend is constantly having to choose between me or her family. And I think it's BS. I left my husband for my girlfriend in September 2012. No, I'm not divorced yet. I have two little boys (6 & 9) and my husband carries my insurance (that is amazing AND free) .....and he's my best friend, next to her of course. I'm in no rush because chánge scares the hell out of me, for my own sake and my kiddos. And until she calms down the crazy over him, i can't bring myself to do it......because whether we are married or not, we still have children together and he's ALWAYS going to be around. It's very complex, and far from the norm I understand. But I've never cheated on her, nor would I ever. But she tells me today that she's going to her moms for thanksgiving and I'm not welcome. And it crushes me. It breaks my heart. She says it isn't a big deal, I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill, etc. but I just feel like ...if she won't fight for me....for herself...for US..... Who will?? Why is she ok with her mom doing this? I don't know what to do because I feel like having to fight against her family is a losing battle.....and its crushing me. :icon_sad:
Welcome to EC! My gut feeling when it comes to situations like this is to let your partner visit without you. To dig in your heels is to both punish your girlfriend for her mother's actions, and to force her into feeling she has to choose between you two. By saying "I'd much prefer it if she'd have us both over, but if she's still insisting on seeing you with her, I guess I'll just accept that" removes her from having to choose. She can now see her mother AND you. And it'll be very clear which of you two is taking the high road here. I understand it's more complicated, with you having some backstory with the mother as well. But I still think it's the smart and correct move. Lex
