First time with a guy!! A bit sad and confused!

Hey! I am a 19 years old guy. I am bisexual and that made it easier to remain closeted. The post might be a bit long, I just really need to talk with someone, and since I am still closeted thus talking to my friends unfortunately is not an option, I decided to post here.

So here how the story goes. I had been with a couple of girls before but never with a guy. I always kinda knew that I liked guys too but I was just quite good at suppressing it. A month ago, I decided to initiate contact with a guy from uni that I liked and I knew he was gay (he wasn't closeted), just to see how it goes. We were texting for quite a while and I invited him on a date. The first date went quite well and ended with a hug. We talked a bit about everything from future dreams to childhood experiences. Since I don't really look or act in a flamboyant way and most of my friends are straight guys, I felt really nice being able to be truthful about myself for the first time of my life.

We kept talking for a while and we arranged a second date. We had again discussions about anything you can imagine, we drunk quite a bit and ended up at his for a movie. At his we had a really nice time. We made out for quite a while and did everything apart from sex, which I told him that I need more time for that, and was perfectly fine about it. After we finished we kept talking and cuddling till I had to leave.

He invited me again a few days after at his to continue the movie. This time we actually watched the movie and then had fun too. It was quite nice, because he was quite loving and apart from the physical part we had a quite nice connection too.

After a few days he invited me for a coffee and he told me it would be better to stop it. He apologised for saying that, especially since I am in the transitional phase before coming out and that it is just because of him. I acted quite cool and we kept talking for like an hour after that about general shit and by the end we said we could still be friends (but he explicitly mentioned that we would have to keep it that way). In the end he invited me to his birthday party as a friend.

I am obviously a bit sad because I quite liked him and he clearly said that we should stop seeing that way. It was though a nice experience, just because it helped me actually realise some things about myself and we had some fun. First of all what do you think went wrong? Do you think I should keep in touch with him, even as a friend or will it just be too hard? I wouldn't mind much because it feels nice knowing that I could still be able to have someone to talk, knowing that I am not straight. On the other hand, I assume it will be hard to keep my emotions detached for too long.

Any advice/opinion is really appreciated

 

Thanks for the responses guys.

It definitely was a cool experience and got something out of it. The whole thing also helped to properly come out to myself, which i think is an important step.

Now regarding what happened, I am pretty sure, without getting into details, that our physical encounter went pretty well. Maybe one thing that I did wrong, was that I was too direct with him. I told him from the beginning that I liked him, I was always texting back quite fast, and generally showed interest. Anyways you are right though, so many factors could be behind his decision that it is kinda meaningless to try analyse it.

I am not as sad as confused, just because I didn't expect it and I am usually quite good analysing situations. I already feel better, so I think I will be over it after a while. I will let a view days pass and I will see whether I am going to be able to continue it as a friendship.

The community in this forum looks quite cool

 

Hey guys!

I was just thinking the whole situation again and I though the best thing would be just to make it clear to him that although I enjoyed a lot the non physical part of what we had, I am not looking forward for a friendship, since I am still kinda attracted to him. Although from the little I knew him I really liked him as a person, I think the most honest and clear thing to do is just to stop it. Would you agree? (i know its a totally personal decision, but some subjective opinions wouldn't hurt )

Also I already started talking with someone else. Nothing serious but I am still quite young, the right thing with a guy/girl will happen at some point (I would like to believe ). Its kinda funny, since I properly came out to myself, finding other guys seems almost as easy as finding other girls. I always felt kinda ashamed of my attraction to guys, but this has started to change .

(This forum feels almost like psychoanalysis, just by writing down what's in my mind I feel better)