Hi, I need a bit of support here. Last Sunday I told my Mum that I was gay and always had been. She was rather surprised but said that I would need to talk through it with my Dad. Fast forward to yesterday (Saturday) when I had a chat with my Dad. Now, my parents are Christian and believe that homosexuality is against God's will. So my Dad tells me that he believes I am 'gender confused' and I tried to explain to him that I am not confused and I am definitely gay. He said that I should seek help to 'reconnect with my manhood' so that I can live a happier life as a straight guy. I tried to tell him that I don't think I can change what I am so he tells me that I shouldn't let myself stagnate and that I should strive to be better. After this he tells me that the websites he's been reading tell him that being gay is caused by a one sided relationship with parents which almost fits my life as my Dad works shifts but I tried to tell him that it's caused by genetics but I really hadn't done enough research so I wasn't able to defend myself there. I told him that I'd read websites that said that being gay is normal and can't be changed. He told me that those websites had been written by gay people with no experience of trying to change. He told me that there are hundreds of cases of people who have successfully 'gone straight'. I was totally not expecting this reaction from my parents. I suppose I was a bit naive to assume it would all be smooth sailing. This conversation went on for quite a while and he told me that if I was to share my sexuality with friends I would almost certainly lose almost all of them. I think that's garbage because there's people in my school who have come out and lost 0 friends. After my Dad had left for work, I met up with Mum and told her what had happened in my discussion with Mum. I think she understands it a lot more than my Dad because my Dad thinks I'm just confused and messed up. My Mum still thinks that I'm able to change it. I now really regret coming out to my parents and wish I'd just waited until I was away from home so that I could tell them and there would be nothing they could do about it. My Dad's explained to me that it's my choice if I want to be gay but if I want to change I should start now. He says that he is simply showing me a 'better way'. He also quoted the bible and said 'The truth will set you free'. I do not believe in God and I especially don't believe in a God that doesn't love everyone like he says he does. I look forward to hearing some advice as I'm pretty stuck here. I wish the world was just so much simpler and happier right now.
Well homosexual people have always been around. Empty Closets - For Parents -> But I don't want my child to be gay! Its not a matter of choice. And, as you said, people are nowadays much more accepting. http://www.pflagcanada.ca/pdfs/glb-mychild.pdf (*hug*)(*hug*)
Hey Soup Well, to start off with, you would have one day had to come out to your parents, and seeing as how you're only 15, what you have done took balls So congratulations for doing what a lot of us are actually still quite afraid to do In regards to your dad, he's only looking out for you. He will come around but it's confusing for someone like him as for his entire life, he's been told that Gods will is the right way, and hasn't thought of thinking outside the box. But he just needs time. He will be thinking that since you're only 15 you're questioning yourself but just stay true to yourself, don't let him try and make you feel bad as his own quote can work against him. "The truth will set you free". You have told your parents the truth and now, you are free. All he needs to do is allow you to be free without trying to bring you down In regards to your mother, she is a lot more accepting of your coming out which shows that she, while she might not be totally enthusiastic about it, accepts you for who you are, and will allow you to live your life the way you want to, but as she too came from a Christian background, it will also take time for her to see you as who you are, and be with whoever makes you happy You should have nothing to hide or be worried from about your friends as they liked you before they found out you liked guys, so there's no reason why they should treat you any differently And you should never regret any decision you make! You are a strong guy for telling your parents when you did, and they now have time to see you as you are, and not hiding behind a veil of lies to keep them from knowing the "shameful" truth about you You seriously have nothing to worry about, and we're all here for you if you have any problems
Sounds like they are shocked and in denial. I've always thought that God made each and every one of us, "flaws" and all. Each of us is as unique as a diamond. In the end, they have to love you, even if they hate the "sin"
I would provide this one link to your dad: Group apologizes to gay community, then shuts down 'cure' ministry - CNN.com Exodus International, one of the largest, and oldest groups that claim to be able to cure homosexuality, closed last year, after being open 37 years. They issued an apology, for "years of undue suffering and judgment at the hands of the organization and the Church as a whole." Their founder also has acknowledged, while being married with children, that he still has same sex attractions. The idea isn't to be combative, but rather, informative. If you let your dad know that many of these organizations have closed, that no major medical association of the western world endorses any sort of conversion therapy, and that there is no scientific evidence to support that any of these therapies, it may help. Get the information before you start the conversation, and make it short. If you really want, just print out some information for him and leave it for him. That way you aren't dragged into a long debate, which you may not be prepared for. Over time I think that your father will get over many of his concerns, and will likely be much more accepting. I am glad that your mother is there for you, and it sounds like in the long run she may be even bigger of a supporter! If you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to post here, or contact myself via my wall. There are many good resources on this site, and having someone to talk to can help .
I'm sorry your parents are acting like this. Atleast they don't sound like they're mad, just naive. I'm here to tell you, it's better after you come out. If you lose any friends for being Gay, they're not your friends. My suggestion would be to talk to your Mom. Tell her it's not a choice and you can't change yourself. Best of luck.
wow..that sucks. Congrats on coming out to them though! ^.^ Just let them think. I would talk to a teacher or counselor so they can help you with dealing with your parents
This is a sad, much too common a problem that often occurs in families whom are Christian. Your parents think that they can "pray the gay away". I know it's hard to accept this, and I know that it is not true. Now you may not believe in God, but your parents do. Your parents need to accept that you have taken the courage to come out to them, and they need to accept you. You told them that you believe that you are gay, and you most likely are. In regards to your dad, that whole "reconnect with your manhood" is a bunch of BS! I hate people who are like that (no hate towards your dad, but he is being very egotistical). Your parents will hopefully accept you in the long run, it will just take time. Keep in mind that you are only 15, and things can change easily (hormones influence feelings, etc.). But, regarding to research done on this theory (which you had previously mentioned), homosexuality happens in the womb. Apparently one theory suggests that people are exposed to more estrogen and less testosterone while in the womb. Another theory suggest an overbearing mother, and a lack of a father figure - which very well could be your case...There are other theories, many which I cannot support... I personally believe it is your own choice, but you cannot dictate who you are actually attracted to. Good luck and take care!
Give them time, a couple of months at least. What they said was total nonsense though by the way, they're your parents and will probably manage to convince you that what they're saying is true, but try not to pay any attention to it. Lose all your friends? What a terrible thing for a parent to say. Also, for example, that statement about not connecting to one parent? You can literally come up with any excuse there no matter the relationship. No dad? Attracted to guys to substitute. Have a dad? Not close enough. Too close to dad? Not enough female influence, attachment to dad translates as an attraction to males. See? Just tell them to stop trying to force you or change you on this.
Telling your parents at 15 has taken some guts!! So I congratulate you :eusa_clap you are a lot braver than most of us. I'm sure your parents will see the courage that you had to find in telling them and they will come round. It just takes time for them just to think it over and whats best for you being their son. My father was convinced that I was going through a 'phase' and it would just pass.. after time things got easier and he realized that I was happier. That is what matters. Its what makes you happy, and all the best on your journey
