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Do parents ever ask about your sex life

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Driftr, Nov 16, 2014.

  1. Driftr

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    I find it really surprising that a lot of people say that their parent's don't ever ask about their sex life after coming out. I mean, especially when it comes to gay men, because who hasn't heard the myth that all gays have anal sex and wear diapers? (sorry if I'm being too graphic). I can imagine that if I come out, those questions are going to come up in my parent's mind. Questions like "So does this mean you have anal sex?" or "How can you feel any sort of pleasure having anal sex?" Also I'm pretty sure that they're going to be concerned about me getting HIV/AIDS too or having to wear diapers.

    Did your parents mention any of this? Are they already educated in this aspect?
     
  2. SemiCharmedLife

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    No and they didn't when they thought I was straight, either. In fact, my mom told me after I came out that she was worried about me getting drunk and having promiscuous sex, and I told her that if I was going to get drunk and have promiscuous sex I would have back in college, but I didn't. My parents have warmed up to the idea of me being gay, but when it comes to sex, there's a lot of assumptions but no dialogue.
     
  3. Spartan 117

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    They've never asked anything like what you're describing. I think they know I'm smart enough to have safe sex, though I think they'd like to be in blissful ignorance about anything I get up to in the bedroom.

    A lot of the things you describe just come out of ignorance, fear and lack of knowledge. The good news is that if they're willing to learn, it's quite easy to explain what's actually involved. The bad news is that sometimes people don't want to learn, they just want to stick to their ignorant views on gay sex as a way to justify why homosexuality is wrong.
     
  4. OGS

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    No, been out for over 20 years and I don't think I've ever had a conversation with my parents about my sex life--my guess is that my parents don't have conversations like that with my straight siblings either. We have had a lot of discussions about my love life though. When I was dating my parents were interested in how that was going and what the gentlemen I was seeing were like--pretty similar I would imagine to the conversations they have with my siblings. My parents adore(d) my partner--the "d" is not that they stopped loving him, my mother died--quite often he would be on the phone for 10, 15 minutes and then come get me and tell me it's my parents. I get a lot of advise about how important it is to keep the romance alive, whenever we go on vacation my parents are always the first there with the "oh good, it's important for a couple to get away together" comment. Both my parents on different occasions have gotten teary eyed about how grateful they are for how strong our relationship (my partner's and mine) is--part of that may be because both my sisters have been married three times, part of it is probably that way back in the day when I came out they may have assumed it would mean I wouldn't get to experience the sort of loving partnership that was so central to their lives. In short my parents have treated my relationships with the same love, concern and waspish restraint that they treat my straight siblings' relationships.
     
  5. YuriBunny

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    I'm honestly not even sure my parents know that I know what sex is... :confused: And my mom avoids talking about my sexuality. My dad doesn't, but he never asks me anything personal.
     
  6. The Virgo

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    I don't think a parent should know about their child sex life ( 18+ ) all they should know is that they are having safe sex and get tested. But other than that no sorry stay out of that area please
     
  7. Chip

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    Talking about anything having to do with sex is really shameful for most people. Among people under 25, it's a lot less shameful, but still, there's a pretty powerful stigma that society puts on sex, to the effect that Polite People Don't Discuss Such Things.

    I'm sure there's even a bit more reservation for a parent of a gay child (particularly a male gay child) because talking about buttsex is even more taboo than talking about sex in general.

    When you really think about it, there really isn't anything to be ashamed to talk about... after all these are normal bodily functions... but the impact that societal values, rooted in religious stigma, have continue to impact how we talk with one another, and for whatever reason, most parents tend to take a "don't ask, don't tell" approach.
     
  8. StephenB

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    My parents have asked some naive questions, some I've answered, some I haven't. My mom asked me if I was the "man or woman" with my ex. I simply reminded her that there was no 'woman', we're both happily men. I did not answer as to who was the top or bottom.

    That being said, my parents know my ex and I went to a nude resort once, and I told my mom that it was to spend time together, and her response was "you just want to get some ass..". But in general, there haven't been that many questions. Some, but the ones that were asked I chose what to answer and what to decline.
     
  9. PatrickUK

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    I think it's fair to assume parents might ask about, or pass comment on HIV (risk) and safe sex, without going into the deeper and more personal details of our sex life. If parents do show concern about our safety we should be prepared to respond in a measured and reasonable way.
     
  10. Driftr

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    Thanks for all the replies. I'm really actually thinking of either lying and telling my parents when I do come out that I don't have "buttsex" (even though I do) and that I have non-penetrative sex or I'll just fully educate them on that topic. I feel like that will prevent any secret worries that they'll have about me.

    I get that parents may not want to talk about sex with even their straight kids because they already assume that it is normal vaginal sex so there's nothing to be concerned or to talk about. But with gay kids, it's like the concept of sex is so alien to them plus the stigma of HIV/AIDS is so heavily placed on gays. The concept that the anus can be used as a sexual thing, I imagine, would be a puzzling and scary thing for them to think about. Also, the concept of non-penetrative sex may not exist to them.

    I guess I'm surprised that parents uphold their politeness and don't just outright ask those questions just out of concern. There's just so many stereotypes, misconceptions and myths about gay sex that is just so hard to ignore.