I have been with my boyfriend for over a year. I love him deeply and he loves me. We have great communication and we get along extremely well. We have only had a couple 'fights' (minor disagreements) and were able to discuss them very well. We have compatible believes and goals in life. There is only one area where we are different. I am in the science\math fields and he is majoring in the liberal arts. My career path is reliable but his is not. I am just not sure what our future will look like in the monetary side. I would like to be stable in the future but I do not know if i will with his major. I had not even though about the subject of settling until my friend brought it up. She explained that she though I was too good for him (she said it in a more tactful way). Her reasoning was that I have my stuff together (I am about to graduate, I have goals, savings, and a good job, she also mentioned I am extremely smart (science related things) but that's beside the point) and he does not (temporary job, he is majoring in art, no savings, no career goals (he has a dream to have a studio but that's if-y). My question is, how do you know if you are settling?
I think if you really love him ,you will take the risk and let him do what he loves while supporting him and walking that path with him, after all love is a precious thing to have, do you really want to throw that away because of different career choices!? But if you can't live with the fact that he's probably not going to make a lot of money its not going to work out.
You think his dream is "if-y" and you don't think his life choices are reliable... Honestly, if these things are that much of a bother to you, then I don't think your relationship will work out.
A colleague of mine, is making ~$7500 monthly, in his studio, that he one day opened, after taking a loan (which he already paid out) from the bank. Honestly, if i was your boyfriend, and i saw you being like this, i'd dump you right away. It's not bad to be materialistic... but, to destroy your otherwise good relationship over this?! Why??? If he applies himself, he can achieve great things, while you on the other hand will work, make money and be... just another cog in the machine. - Trying to be overly dramatic, to portray how your boyfriend must be feeling about you, even if he isn't saying anything. Your friend (the one who tells you stuff) should mind her own business. These are things you must decide on your own, not seek the "help/opinion" of someone who is not intimately involved in your own relationship. My advice, bring these things up, with your boyfriend, but don't, for the love of god, don't phrase them like you did just now. Just, try and get some reassurance that he actually knows what to do with his future, and explain to him that this is important for you, should your relationship continue, since you want stability.
This may sound like a stupid question (it is, I'm trying to make a point), but are you in a relationship with him or his career? ..If you think he's the one you would spend your life with, what his career is or isn't should be irrelevant.
You know if you are settling because you're unhappy. If you are genuinely happy in your relationship, and feel that love, and know you're where you want to be, you know you aren't settling. It has nothing to do with differences in education, which may be to your friend's disappointment. For context, my boyfriend is likely going to be a nurse's aid after his education, whereas I am becoming a family practitioner after my degree in nursing. It really has nothing to do with my relationship - it's always been my own responsibility to support myself, and I've planned for that in my career choice. The fact that he'll make less money has nothing to do with my happiness. So my answer is, is that if you are unhappy and know you want more, than you're settling because you're either with the wrong person, or are not ready to make that kind of commitment yet. But don't hide and say it's because you choose different subjects in school.
It is quite interesting to read your assumptions about things. I have gone into science because I thought, like you, that this was a more predictable source of income (for raising a family and such). Well, I can tell you that, unless you are among the very few in the star chamber, you may be spending a lot of time, as I did, doing tedious lab bench work for many underpaid years. Whereas your BF, who may not appear to have a future because he is of a more artistic bent, may end up surprising you how well he can do in this crazy economy. To make this short, neither of you have any guarantees. For example, these days there are too many lawyers graduating. Salaries for jobs, if you can find one, are to say the least, disappointing. If your BF were lying around doing nothing, if he isn't sincerely trying to succeed in his liberal arts degree, or has no dreams, that's one thing...(you should check out some biographies of successful artists, you'd be surprised how they got there) but he is sticking to the program is he not? He even has a job and I presume, keeping it. This does not sound like a layabout. Your relationship is exceptionally good, why would you throw that away over some pre-conceived notions of what constitutes success? I'm in science and had a great relationship with a fashion designer, what made it work is that he worked hard at his craft, he was kind and a joy to be with...in a relationship that is all you need, good relationships have thrived on less.
