Hey everyone, I've been seeing a guy since July. Things have been going well for the most part, but I just don't want to be in a relationship with him anymore. I seriously love him--as a person--and I've never met anybody that gets me as well as him; however, he is in love with me, whereas I am not in love with him. Nothing has gone bad. I just don't like being sexual with him. I'm just not attracted to him anymore. I feel like I'd be losing one of the people who gets me better than anyone over something shallow though. I've never really dumped anyone before. I just don't want to hurt him. Advice?
There is no way to break up without hurting him. So the best way is to be straight forward yet sensitive to what he is about to go through. You can explain that while you car for him, after five months, you have come to the conclusion that you do not believe he is right for you long term, and would rather end things now than let them continue under false pretenses. Talk about all the good you see in him and apologize for the pain you know your causing.
Excellent advice UK, couldn't have said it better. It's best to end it then leave it going one sided. On a side note, I am curious as to if you had enjoyed being sexual with him when you both started going out, or if it was never there to begin with? It is possible that you may just need to try new things or spice it up a bit. After two people have been going out for a while they tend to drift, become less excited in a relationship because the newness fades away. So just something to think about.
Thanks for the advice. I know it will hurt him a little, but this is probably the best way to go about it. ---------- Post added 19th Nov 2014 at 05:55 PM ---------- I sort of did? He was the first person I ever really did anything sexual with, so I had that excitement, but I think it was more for the act than it was for him if that makes sense. Unfortunately, I don't think spicing it up will help. I'm just not attracted to him sexually anymore.
Give him a sock and tell him he is a free elf now. Just kidding, just say you think you guys are better off being friends.
I'm going to incorporate this into every break up advice I ever give to anyone ever. ---------- Post added 22nd Nov 2014 at 09:26 PM ---------- I'm sorry, But the feelings of being upset/depressed right now are very natural. You said you did the right thing, so it is for the best (*hug*).
THere's never a way that breaking up with someone is going to feel good, not if you have any sense of caring. But as you said, it's the right thing to do. Too many people stay in unhealthy or simply unloving relationships because they "don't want to hurt the other person" when, in fact, it ultimately ends up hurting them more. You did the right thing. It takes courage, vulnerability, and a willingness to walk into the discomfort. Ultimately it will be better for both of you. I'm sorry for the discomfort. At the same time, I'm confident from what you describe that it was the right decision.
