I've never been good at reading others emotions. So, now I'm in this sticky situation with a guy I like. When I first met him, I was already planning my separation and divorce from my wife. I told him, I was going to be emotionally raw, and as honest as I can be with him. He's cute and adorable, and I had an instant physical attraction to him. I told him at that time, 7 weeks ago, that I wasn't up for a relationship, and that I wasn't the kind of guy to just sleep around, or cheat on my wife. I didn't want to know how he felt about me, and I wanted to keep things platonic. I really not sure if I'll be thinking straight about anything regarding emotions and relationships until after things with my wife are final and settled. So I hired him to help me inventory and sell some cars, and stuff of mine. So, we've kept it very platonic. We hug occasionally, and we kissed a little to long a couple of times. Problem is, I've felt more complete with him in my life, than I have ever, with anyone. We get along great, we have a lot of the same weird likes and dislikes. The more I learn about him the more I like him. So, a couple of weeks ago, we had been talking about how we were feeling about everything going on. My plan for separating was moving along. We had been able to work together several days each week, as I'm able to work from home some times. We bonded and became quite close friends. He's the first person I've really been open and honest with. He really accepts me for who I feel I am. He tells me he's falling for me... Then comes him getting kicked out on the street by his step-mom. And me getting him a hotel room, me leaving my wife, getting 2 adjoining rooms with him, waiting for apartment, moving in, and finally settling into the new place. Yeah, so he's sorta my employee, roommate, and maybe "the one???" I don't know, I'm old enough not to trust everything that's going on in my head and heart right now. I've tried to maintain some distance with him emotionally, but it's just not working. Living with him just feels right, even though he's got his own room. I catch myself just watching him doing whatever we're doing, watching tv, whatever. I've told him that I'd give him my heart and soul, because he's helped save my life. So, other things have been going on, and last night I wanted to check in on all these feelings. He says he's still falling for me... (!) I'm happy, so far I keep reading his signs pretty well, I think. But I'm always full of fear, uncertainty, and doubt regarding everything. My social anxiety coming out I guess. I'm so conflicted where I want to be right now. I want him so much, even if its just holding each other close. I can see why he doesn't want to get physical at all, doesn't want it to lead where it would go. At least, not just now, he keeps hinting he would. I try not to bring up sex or relationships, but it comes up in conversation sometimes. My heart tells me to just wait, give all of this time to settle, and things will grow then. Then there's that part of me who wants to hold him, and go farther, but violates everything I try to be in terms of respect for others. Damn devil on my shoulder.
So...I've read you're other post and obviously you want something to happen. While it's great that you gained more confidence in yourself, the fact that you were so easy to just drop everything and move on is a bit disconcerting. Although you kind of state otherwise, it seems like you sabotaged your marriage for the sake of pursing a much younger male who -because of his familial issues- is likely to be more emotionally vulnerable than you realize. Sooner or later you'll have to inform your wife (or possibly soon to be ex-wife) and son the true nature of your relationship with this individual, assuming (that you have already informed her) that she hasn't suspected something wasn't already going on with him. My question is, exactly what kind of expectations do you have in this relationship? Also, where does your son stand in all of this, does he know this person, and how far apart are they in age? You're giddy at the possibility of entering a new relationship, and while that is fine to an extent, you clearly haven't thought this through. Moreover, your manner of speech is that of someone from my age group. From a psychological standpoint, you are unconsciously trying to recapture your youth by making rash decisions and dumping your family for a much young mistress (mid-life crisis). Again just going by the details you revealed in your other thread.
