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Partner with psychiatric issues

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Dallan82, Nov 20, 2014.

  1. Dallan82

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    So, I was wondering how others deal with their partners that have psychiatric issues. My partner has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Major Depression. I can never keep her happy. I never do anything right. She never does ANYTHING but play video games. She is seeing both a psychiatrist and a therapist but I feel like I'm shelling out hundreds of dollars a month for nothing. She has told me a few times that if I leave her that she will kill herself. That's not something I want on my conscious. Anyone have similar problems? How do you handle the stress? How do you keep them happy?
     
  2. kumawool

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    The borderline personality disorder is going to mean she fears being abandoned, so literally she'll do anything to keep you. Conversely, the major depression saps motivation, so she'll also likely not want to do much besides, well, video games is an example.

    If you ever WANT to leave her, the break up may not be conventional in that she may threaten or even do self harm. You'll have to break up with her regardless, remember it's not your responsibility to get her mental health help, and if you should break up and be scared, it's perfectly fine to call emergency services and let them help her (in fact that might be better than you doing it).

    Both of her illnesses are in the treatable range of mental health. For example, borderline personality disorder stems from negative self image and chronically unsuccessful social interactions, whereas depression can be related to similar issues, or chemical imbalances. I imagine things like medication and cognitive behavioral therapy will help your girlfriend a lot, but results are always slow and she has to want it too.

    It's great that you're supporting her (and in contrast to the 'i never do anything right', sure sounds like you do!). Going to some therapy sessions and talking to her therapist about what else you can/should do will help you get more insight. And remember; don't let the mental health aspect trap you in a relationship.

    Support your girlfriend out of love for her;
    But don't do it out of fear!
     
  3. resu

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    Yes, you are not a professional, so she needs help from a therapist. But, you should just look at things without regard to the mental illness and just ask if you're happy with where you are. Don't let her guilt trip you (and stagnate her own progress toward mental health, not mental illness).
     
  4. Worlock

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    I have borderline personality disorder and schizotypal personality disorder. There was a time in my life where I could not be in a relationship because of how unstable I was. There's a huge stigma against those with BPD and other personality disorders, but they are treatable and manageable, and I'm an example of that.

    My therapist gets me to focus on the positives that can come from having to live with a personality disorder and teaches me to cope with the negatives/recognize inappropriate behaviors/etc. There ARE a lot of therapists out there who dread treating borderline patients (because of the unnecessary stigma attached to the label), and I hope her therapist isn't one of them. I've had psychiatrists and other therapists tell me I'd never get better and that I was inherently bad.

    One of my partners also struggles with psychological problems, and I can say from experience that it's a long, hard road. If you plan on staying, you need to establish your own personal boundaries and know when to step back if your partner's behavior is causing you distress.
     
  5. PatrickUK

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    I don't know where you are, but I'm wondering if there are any support groups or organisations for you? When you are living with someone who has complex mental health problems it can be very hard and you really shouldn't be abandoned to shoulder the burden alone. It might be worth looking into support for partners/carers.