I'm 26 and still can't talk to girls -__-

So I am a female-bodied genderfluid person who uses female pronouns, so for all intents and purposes, let's just say I'm a girl because simplicity.

I'm pansexual, but have only ever been with one cis female (a then-best friend), and would like to explore that side of myself further.

But here's my problem. I feel like there are these very strict sub-genres of girls that likes girls (generally lesbians). Butch, femme, soft butch, lipstick lesbian, boi, diesel dyke, and on and on. I feel like there is this list of unwritten rules and regulations and "scripts" queer women follow, and I'm out of the loop. : / Since I'm not just not a gold star lesbian, but actively date/ sex up the menfolk, I already have this stamp on my head reading "BREEDER" and lesbians won't even consider me. T_T So then I figure okay, maybe I would be more compatible with a bi or pan girl. Cool.

So let's just say I get past that huge fucking hurdle. So then my next thing is, I don't really know how to explain if I'm butch/ femme/ etc. I feel like even bi and pan girls generally have a "type" they like. But if I'm femme sometimes, and butch sometimes, would a girl even be able to like/accept/ have sex with me on days where I don't fit into what they like? Would I be expected to be more Toppy on my butch days, and bottomy on my femme days?

The whole girl x girl world of dating and sex is just so utterly lost on me. It's confusing and I just don't feel like part of that club. These are the main reasons why I'm heteroromantic previously and now (although trying to change that). I don't know how to court/ date a woman. I don't know how to have sex with a woman. I feel like at this age certain experience will be expected of me. Like, when do you stop having sex? With guys, it's quite clear. lol

TL; DR - How do I find a girlfriend when my gender and sexuality are so confusing and looked down upon? :icon_sad:

 

No lesbians out there to help me figure this out? Should I put this in the more general Sexual and Romantic Orientation forum? I figured since it was about potential partners, not my sexuality itself...

 

I think maybe I'm scared I will never find a lesbian that accepts me, so I unconsciously internalize stuff like "Oh she couldn't like me" for whatever reason. But I am also worried about a lesbian misconstruing my "man days" with just being butch. When I start actively trying to pass as male on certain days, wouldn't they be totes turned off?

I've known 2 different transwomen who came out to straight females and they both got dumped (after motnths foof horrific mental abuse) and it ended sooo terribly. I feel like I would have to come out every day I wanted to be a guy that day. maybe lesbains just aren't right for me. Ugh.

Now I'm rambling because I'm frustrated. .____.

 

I'm just not sure if besbians will understand the non-binary thing. I'm worried they won't respect my identity maybe? I know it's all in my head. I just had to get it all out there. Now that certain popul;r dating site GREATLY expanded their gender identities, maybe that will make it easier.