Hi guys, so basically I can't concentrate because part of me is having this problem with a guy (well sort of). So we hooked up one night on an app but we hit it off and met a few more times. This guy is about 20 years older (I'm 21) and at one point he said he liked me to the point where he'd date me. I wasn't sure because there was someone on campus that I liked (who is also around my age) so we just discussed the possibility. Eventually one morning we met up as usual and we spoke about it again and we dated to be officially dating. That week we texted about 2-3 times before he stopped responding to my texts. I then waited a few days, sent another text and finally called him a week after we had become official. It rang once, then went straight to voicemail and I left a message asking for him to please call when he got that. A week passed with nothing happening and then that following weekend I called using friend's phone but it rang once and went straight to voicemail and I left a message saying I wasn't going to yell or get crazy but I just wanted to know what had happened and if he really did like me, to at least tell me. About a month later, I was up around 5 when he messages me on the app. It was a new phone so I wasn't sure if it was him but then he sent some face pics and I told him off. He was high and horny and wanted to get fucked and I wanted to know why he had dropped me like that so I finally responded and agreed to meet him. Long story short, he eventually explained that things were happening with his ex and he didn't want to tell me for fear of rejection so he just cut me off. But he said that he felt bad and wanted to at least be friends if not more again. We met once more a week after and we're talking now. But he claims that we didn't really start dating the first time and that he felt that we should not be exclusive until, and if, we started something again. I've started checking his profile on the app and at one point before we started seeing each other again, I saw him post something about him and some other 22 year old looking for group fun. That hurt me so I keep wondering if something can develop because now I have a fear that I was some sort of rebound or something after his ex and that when he stopped talking to me, it was because of this 22 year old. We've texted a bit, but the two times I've been with him he has seemed distance. Before, I could tell that he liked me and was always texting me to meet up and now he doesn't really seem to try as hard. The thing is, I met someone else while we stopped talking. This guy is great-- we watch movies (hang out), have fun, and just tell each other about ourselves and he is what I would like in a relationship except that I realized that I don't really feel for him like I do for this first guy. And this first guy, we would just get together and have sex but never really did anything else. I don't know what to do, and I realize I'm starting to get jealous for I check everyday his app to see if he is on. I don't want to get hurt by him again and I have found a guy that I get along with but my feelings are for this first guy and I can't help it. I want to try something with him again but after what he did, I keep fearing that he will drop me again like he did the first time and maybe find another guy. I don't know what to do. He said he would like to date again or at least be friends, but I don't know if I could ever just be friends with him for I really like him despite what he did. P.S. He is the first guy I've "dated", though I don't know if 3 days counts.
I understand how hurtful it can be when someone that you like, and someone that you thought you could trust and open up to treats you in a way like you are expendable and nothing more than just a fuck buddy. But, you have to take a step back and look at his character, the situation and the reality of the situation. The fact that he initiated dating you, and then cut contact with you without ever texting you or getting back to you shows you that he is a coward and lacks integrity. The fact that he is also 41 years old and does not know how to properly handle this situation is even worse. I've experienced what it is like to be a rebound, and you know what? There's just no excuse for it. No matter how much someone can hurt you, there is absolutely no excuse to use or hurt other people. You can do better. You are still very young. We have the rest of our lives to find the right person, and we have only just entered the whole dating scene and the exploration of our sexuality. Your 'ex' on the other hand is approaching middle age with dwindling prospects of settling down. Not to sound spiteful, but you have the upper hand. You should think about all the wonderful, or not so wonderful people that you have yet to meet in the coming years.... You should forget about him. Don't even think about becoming friends with him. It just never works. You don't fuck or kiss your friends, and that's a rule that should always be remembered. Goodluck
^ Pretty much what I was going to say. He started out your relationship with hiding things about his ex, then dropping you. The amount of dishonesty and disloyalty you've received from him in the short time you've known him is staggering. I'd tell him you're not interested in being a play thing, and forget about him. Block him so you won't be tempted to check up on him, and move on ASAP.
Just piling on to the two other responses, which are spot on. Move on, don't look back. Not worth the hassle for you.
I also agree. It sounds very much like he wants all play, but no stay, particularly with guys who are much younger. At the age of 41 you would be forgiven for thinking that he had sorted his shit out, but I'm afraid that's not always the case. Sad to say that older guys don't necessarily represent a more experienced or stable proposition for younger guys. I'm afraid some are just out for sex to satisfy their ego and they are willing to tell half truths and lies to get it. I say all of this as someone who is not too far off the age of the guy you hooked up with. If you have met someone who is showing more interest and commitment, I'd focus your attention on him and do your best to make it work out. Stop looking at the app. He was willing to let you go easily enough and you need to do the same. You can indeed do better.
Thank you guys for your support and you were right, he did it again. I should have moved on that morning when we got together again. He recieved a text saying "Morning love, how are you" but when I asked him about it he said he had no clue who could have sent it. I'd made thanksgiving plans with the other guy but felt bad that this guy (guy A) would be alone so I tried to invite him out but he declined. I was ready to leave early my day with this new guy for the other guy. Anyways, a few hours later I want on the app and saw he updated his status. He's no longer looking for dates and relationships. It also now says that he's in an "open relationship". I texted him asking if we can meet up this weekend and I saw that he read it but it's been around 12 hours and no response. I feel like I fucked up again and should have immediately stopped talking to him after I saw that text. What hurts is that he lied right in my face again and he did it so easily and now looks like he is done with me again.
