cliche 'falling for best friend' thread

I'll post a (TL;DR) at the bottom if you don't like huge walls of text. I've written threads about this girl before (and how confusing she was) so if you want more details on her behaviour then you can see those.
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She's just perfect for me. I truly do love her - although it took me a while to accept this. Whenever we're alone (which is rarely) I just have the urge to pull her close or brush her hair back to kiss her. She's always on my mind and I get so incredibly lonely when she's not there. She's told me she loves me... But I don't think it's in the way I want it to be. Considering how she acts around our other best friend, I would say that we're much closer (touching-wise). She told me today that she thinks my hugs are the best and special - exactly how I would describe hers! Apparently we share a telepathic connection because we think the same things and usually I can tell what she's thinking. Sometimes the urge is so strong that it physically hurts. When I go to sleep I imagine her next to me and us spooning. Today made me really happy because she decided to get the bus with me instead of her usual bus and we held hands! She jokingly called me a bitch but then said 'by bitch I mean person I love the most' and my heart did a little flutter. She said I was really sweet but I honestly don't think somebody as funny and goofy and random as her deserves me, even though she said I was 'the perfect anime best friend' (we love anime) and we both admitted that we got overprotective and possessiveof each other. To be honest I have this feeling that she MIGHT feel the same way but not as strongly as me. If only we could spend more time alone together...

I think she's not quite straight because of her touchyness with me and only me(but she has an extremely touchy family apparently). She hugs everyone but she hugs me the longest (sigh) And once we kind of not really kissed... Yeah that was heaven. Even though it was like a 'half lips half cheek' thing. If I ever get the chance to get her completely alone (say at my house or something) I'm going to try flirting with her (this should be a total train wreck but it's worth a try, right?) I love her so much, I would do ANYTHING for her. Why is she so beautiful? She is blind, she can't see how adorably cute she is! Just why? It hurtsss.. If I end up alone with her and the atmosphere is right (dark night, quiet outdoors) I might not be able to control what happens! I'd probably just kiss her right there.
Why is my imagination so active? Argh!:icon_redf

(TL;DR: in love majorly with my best friend. She could possibly feel the same way. I just want to know...)

 

Well what if it scares her away? I don't know...
I feel like she's told me so much about herself but I've only told her a little. Maybe I should tell her about that to bring us closer?

 

How would I do that? The thing is, if I DO, then it would have to stay a secret from everyone else. Even my other best friend. I can't just keep it a secret from her. Well, I guess I could. What about that time my crush was upset about the rumours of her being bi?

---------- Post added 21st Nov 2014 at 10:25 PM ----------

I'm wondering why I HAVE to tell her I'm bi, I don't really like labels. I like who I like why can't I just tell her I like her? Because in my opinion telling her I'm bi is more scary than telling her I like her. Is that messed up?
Maybe I just don't want to hear the whole 'I'm not bi' thing and get disappointed or something. She's the first girl I've ever felt like this for. I don't want to lose her...

 

I feel like when she's not with me, something's missing. I'm going to focus on making our relationship stronger.

 

I feel like when she's not with me, something's missing. I'm going to focus on making our relationship stronger.

 

Ok forget that very last post - I need to find a way to break it to her that I like girls. It has to be sometime this month or December... But I can't see her 'alone' unless she gets the bus with me (our friends are there on the bus too) so does anybody have suggestions for getting her alone?

 

I have an idea! There's this girl in my class that she finds rude - but that same girl happens to be one of my 'friends' (used to be best but we have different classes so we drifted away with all of my other friends). Anyway this girl used to ask me random questions like 'have you ever kissed a girl? What's it like to be turned on?' And when I look at her she goes 'I think kissing a girl is disgusting' and 'eww lesbians' when she sees girls holding hands but it's obvious she's only saying that to hide it. If you knew her, you could tell. So when my crush talks about her, I could say that I think she's a closet case XD

Today she was kind of tired and leaning on my shoulder - but at school when she does sttuff like that in front of people I don't know I go all stiff and I don't react. By that I mean if she hugs me or holds my hand, I let go of thee hug and don't really hold her hand. I know I should stop because I think it's hurting her but I don't know how to stop being so self conscious. I don't mind the hugs and occasional hand holding (when she's leading me somewhere) but it's when she does things that look romantic that my body starts to tense up - like I want her to stop when my mind is screaming at me to put my arm round her or something. Today I didn't even really smile, it was like I didn't care. I barely paid attention to her when we were doing homework together at school. What's wrong with me? I'm suck an idiot!

 

I think she's trying to gauge my reaction to gay people. I should be a detective!
...Yeah umm no.

She's asked me about Ellen and her wife - 'Clue' 1
She also asked if I was religious - 'Clue' 2

Now I just need one more clue to solve the mystery of 'does she like me?'! I think it's becoming obvious that she does. Randomly becoming increasingly romantic (lying on my shoulder, hugging from behind around the waist whilst her head is on my neck and generally using my shoulder as a pillow) etc. I don't think she does that to just anyone, even if her family is 'extremely touchy' or so she says. Hmmm.

BUT THERE'S NO WAY FOR US TO BE ALONE! WHAT SHALL I DO? TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF 'Kaminari Krisis!'
That. Was. Terrible.

 

She hasn't hugged me in ages! I think I was accidentally ignoring her - though we have our coursework to do.

 

Today was great:

She held my hand in the corridors and we kept hugging and touching each other. She always points out that I'm so adorable/cute (accompanied by a little poke). Because we have a pseudo love triangle (she sits next to her 'rival' - my friend since kinder) they always try to get my attention haha when my friend said 'you know I love you right?' She turned to me and mouthed the words 'I love you more'. She even came by and said that she had to restrain herself around me. Then when we were going home, she offered her cheek for me to kiss but being the idiot I am, I was confused and just pressed my cheek against hers (this is why I hate myself lol). At least she still made the 'mwah' sound. This was all at school btw.

Imagine what would happen when we were alone... Gosh why can't I just kiss you already? I suggested a book to her that has a lesbian character in it so hopefully she likes it. There's a kiss scene as well so that'll probably trigger some curiosity on her part. I feel like I'm leaving out all the details but this is just a summary of today. I wish she was here beside me in bed. Wait no not like that! Just cuddling, its cold here.

 

I remember this time when I was plotting to get her at a sleepover and tell her about my biggest secret - no, another secret. About my past. I feel like if I shared this with her, we'd grow closer.

I still want to tell her. She's told me about her insecurities (albeit in a lighthearted way but still) and her feeling like a burden to everyone around her. Friendship is all about equal give and take right? It makes me so sad when I think about her feeling lonely and isolated. I want her to know that I'll always be there for her. That she can come to me and have a shoulder to cry on. That even if something happens to us, I'll always stay loyal.

I should really take my own advice and open up to her!

 

Going back to school tomorrow... This is why I don't like holidays: I'm separated frrom my friends for AGES. But then I always look forward to seeing them. I think I'm going crazy - I've started to talk to them in my head and imagine them replying.
Or maybe that's normal for me. Hmmm.
Well at least if I'm unsure about anything, all I have to do is listen to my thoughts and then I'll know what she's thinking. We all joke that we share a telepathic connection with one another. It's not really a joke as it is the truth. Multiple times I've been able to look at them and know what they're thinking. Do you get this with other close people?

Tomorrow won't come fast enough!