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A hypothetical "he stopped writing" situation.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by shinji, Nov 22, 2014.

  1. shinji

    shinji Guest

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    So let's say, a hypothetical situation...



    You meet a guy online, you two start talking and before long "click" and become friends. Then you start chatting on skype, spending time together doing stuff online, etc... All is great!

    Some time passess and you decide that you want to open up to this guy, and expect the same in return, this leads to a small "blowback" and him getting slightly detached, but in the end you work it out.

    Fast forward a week or so, and things are back to normal. Until, suddenly, he stops writing, in fact, makes it a point to try and avoid you. And he doesn't even explain why.



    Logic dictates that the reason behind this sudden loss of interest, would be one of four possible reasons:



    Overwhelmed - His feelings are putting him in touch with the fact that his life will change. Being in love and committing to the relationship is going to require a different focus of energy and create what feels like restrictions on his life and being.

    Loss - He is afraid he will lose his autonomy, his ability to live life on his own terms. He pulls away from not only because he sees this as the cause of his loss, but also because the loss itself is hard to deal with.

    Shame - At the deepest part of some people whose hearts are very tender and equally armored, there may be a secret desire to completely give over to the relationship.

    Fear - The fear that nothing will work out, that their heart would be broken if they allow you inside. The fear of being rejected and the fear of them changing their mind, not knowing if their feelings are true or not.




    All this being said, it is also highly possible that the act of being forceful/pushy has also played a role in this situation. By allowing our emotions to run freely, by always being there for them, by making ourselves available all the time. By constantly feeling the need to express our love, due to being insecure about the situation. We are pushing the one we love, away, by simply... loving them. It's weird why this is so.

    There really is no way for you to know the specific reason a person won't write you back, since there is nothing you can do about it other than giving him room to reach for you.
    If you do have a relationship with him and he’s started writing you less and less, you might have the urge to confront him and demand to know what the deal is.

    Instead of doing this, have a different mindset. Make a decision to be nothing but positive in your relationship with him. Don't complain or tell him what he’s doing wrong. Instead, appreciate what you do like about him.

    If he does not text you back, your first instinct might be to doubt the relationship (or to doubt whether he likes you and wants one).

    When you think this way, you get stuck in a trap of wanting something specific from a guy who might not be on the same page as you. These results indicate that you are more invested in the relationship than he is.



    In conclusion, it is my personal belief that all this drama, can be solved by simply talking to one another, by discussing what the issue is and dealing with it. Feel free to argue this point. In my mind, i think that one must always consider how his actions affect those around him.

    In the situation above, we focus on what the guy in question is probably thinking, we are obsessing over the fact that we might have done something wrong, blaming ourselves and not even thinking, that the problem might be in them.

    In the end, we are being hurt, by the person we love, and they either do not realize it, or simply do not care. Either way, one must ask the question, if it's worth to wait around and endure, for the one we love.

    In situations like these, the best advisable option is to simply stop writing, and take a step back, stop obsessing over the "why" and just wait it out. If the love between two people is strong enough, everything will come in it's place, if not, then it's for the best.

    The real question here is, does the guy even realize he is hurting us, or is he doing it on purpose. I question, what can be so bad, as to warrant such a response, what kind of situation would excuse another person, from playing with your broken heart.



    - Various resources from the internet were used in the writing of this post, bundled together with my own ideas and thoughts, inspired by personal experiences.
     
  2. Mondro

    Mondro Guest

    I really like this. Well written, makes you wonder what goes through the other person's mind. Definitely a confusing world we live in. Glad I clicked on this. :slight_smile: