I don't do it intentionally. Guy after guy, I string them along (thinking I like them) and with each one I end up having doubts after they show that they feel the same way. Then, I end it with them. This is bad. I don't understand why it happens so frequently with me. It's all since I broke up with my ex. Why do I do this? How can I stop? I feel horrible.
I've been doing something similar for years. I wish I could help you find the answer cause I don't know myself, but I hope it's at least a little helpful to know you're not alone in this.
Could be you are afraid to get emotionally involved, and have a super deep relationship. Could be also maybe be you lie somewhere on the aromantic scale, and are mistaking friend vibes for romantic/ boyfriend-y vibes. Since you're out, I don't think it's that you're "afraid to be gay" (I've heard similar things from guys still in the closet). If this only started after a specific ex, it could be you aren't quite over him, or didn't get enough closure to let yourself move on maybe?
I'm not sure at all. I pray that I'm not aromantic, because I don't want to be alone forever. I want love. And no I'm not afraid to be gay, I have no clue. However, the day after my ex and I broke up (my only boyfriend ever), I started talking to a guy. To spite my ex I guess. And since then I've been constantly talking to a new guy every time the other one ends. I had a complete mental breakdown after my ex and I broke up but I may not have given myself time. Everyone was telling me to get over it because the relationship lasted a month but it wasn't that easy, even though that sounds stupid. I had a really hard time with it. I'm so stressed because I don't want to keep hurting guys but I think I'm craving the attention. It's so confusing.
Sounds like you're a little insecure and putting too much emphasis on the perfect guy, rather than building a good relationship.
Basically, what you said. Not that it's wrong. I mean, you lost someone, you want to fill this hole in your heart, for others to remind you how beautiful and appreciated you are. It's a self preservation mechanism, boosting your own spirits, trying to deal with the pain of losing you boyfriend. Admittedly, the desire is most probably on a subconscious level. Personally, if i was in your place, i wouldn't stop. Maybe won't string guys too far along, but don't stop... Sooner or later, you'll forget your ex and find the one. Meanwhile, why not have some fun. But then again, i don't care a lot for people. Important thing is to never get too serious, until you are certain that you can move forward.
I don't see a problem with it, as long as you're honest with them as soon as you realise that you're not really into them in that way. How did things start with your previous bf? Did he show early interest as well? or did he show a little bit of disinterest/resistance/tension that kept you interrested until you fell for him?
I'm unbelievably insecure and my standards are way too high so you're right about that. I just feel bad for potentially hurting them all, there's been 4 guys within the span of 1.5 months that I've done this to. I had a huge crush on him about a year before we started talking and we didn't really flirt a ton until maybe a week into talking, which is different from everyone else I guess.
Here's a practice that has helped me a couple of times. Maybe next time you start seeing a guy, try to keep some "mystery" in it. Maybe make a few decisions together, such as: (Sometimes these are an unspoken decisions anyway when with the right guy). Refrain from labeling your relationship for as long as possible (e.g. bf, dating, lover) Don't change your facebook relationship status Only tell him how beautiful/hot/sexy/handsome he is on special occasions and expect the same in return When you're not together in person, try to keep the messaging/calls to a minimum Don't rush in and try to find out everything about him right at the start, a steady flow of new information about your potential partner is plenty ... you get the picture
Yeah, sounds like you just took your first relationship pretty hard. Even dating a month can mean a LOT. I understand ebing afraid of beign alone together, and loving/ craving that attention and love. But it may benefit you to stay single for a bit? Even just a few weeks with no pursuing of someone. Sounds like you never took any time to mourn the relationship. people don't realize this, but when you break up with someone, whether you were the dumper, dumpee, or it was mutual, you still lost someone. Even though they didn't die, giving yourself the time to go trhough the 5 stages of grief for your ex and the relationship can be very beneficial.
