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I Think I am in love with my Straight Best Friend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by collegebiguy, Nov 22, 2014.

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  1. collegebiguy

    collegebiguy
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    Hi everyone! I am new to this forum, and I'd like advice on how to deal with my situation... I think I am in love with my straight best friend:icon_sad:

    I've been out of the closet to all my friends and some family members as bisexual for about 4 years now, so I know how to deal with things of that matter: but this is new.
    Around the start of fall semester at my College (I am a Freshman), I met this guy through my roommate. He was my roommate's roommate during orientation, so they got to know each other.

    He's very attractive, athletic, and smart. He has problems with self esteem and anxiety, and that is one of the many things that drew me close to him. I have problems with self esteem (Single for about 5 years now), and we both suffer from light depression. We have similar tastes in music, movies, and video games; we also connect on a deeper . level, for example, we have long conversations about what we want in life and how we were previously. It is now November, and we became best friends.

    Even though it was a short time, we already agreed that we'd stay in each other's lives for as long as we could. We even made plans to room together sophomore year. I've helped him through depressive modes, anxiety attacks, and a very messy heart break from one of our friends.(Long story short, he really liked this girl who came from the same high school as I, and she rejected him for another one of our friends.).


    It took him two months to fully return to normal. I didn't start realizing I had "feelings" for him until a couple of weeks ago, when we were having one of our deep conversations. I was depressed about being single for so long, and he basically cheered me up. That moment I knew, I was in love with him. I love his gorgeous face, the way he walks, his toned, tanned runner's body, his soft, silky black hair, and his musky scent. I may sound a bit stalkerish but I check his Facebook and Instagram page everyday, just to see what he sees or what he's thinking.

    We're on Thanksgiving break currently, and we've messaged everyday since we last saw each other on campus. We also have plans to try and hang out. I just don't know what to do!!!! Every time I am around him, I hurt because I know he doesn't feel the same way. (He is completely 100% straight), and when I'm not around him, I am sad because I want to be next to him...

    Please, what should I do? I Haven't felt this way about someone in my life, and I'm scared to tell him because I do not want things to be awkward between us, (He knows I am Bisexaul BTW), or I don't want to ruin one of the best friendships I've ever had...
     
    #1 collegebiguy, Nov 22, 2014
  2. Itisthefear

    Itisthefear
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    hello and welcome!, well those situations are very hard to deal with and very risky cause if you ever confess your feelings to him he might be surprised in a bad way, you said you guys have deep conversations, have you ever talked about gay people ? what's his opinion on the subject?

    Also, since he knows that you are bi, there is nothing more you can actually do, i think that's it's up to him to show some interest.

    In the future this relationship might hurt you a lot...what will you do if he finds a girlfriend and everything is going well with them ?
     
    #2 Itisthefear, Nov 23, 2014
  3. user123456

    user123456
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    Hello, welcome to EC and I hope we can help you.

    I went through a similar thing, although my best friend did show a lot of interest in me, but generally it was the same problem. And many, if not most gay / bi people go through this sort of thing.

    And in all of these cases, I recommend everyone - just tell your friend. I know it sounds spooky, it took me months myself to get the courage. But it was absolutely worth it :slight_smile: let me give you some sound reasons why telling him ASAP is the best way to go:
    - over time it will only get worse - you will start looking for tiny hints hoping he likes you back the way you do, but you will never know if you don't talk about it
    - he might like you back - in your case, it doesn't seem very likely, but let's not throw the possibility out of the window :slight_smile: then you'd be happy
    - he might not like you back - but since he already knows you are bi, he is obviously OK with your sexuality, so he shouldn't be concerned with it. this happens all the time between people - I have refused a few girls in my life and we are still friends anyway :slight_smile:
    - worst case scenario - he won't like the fact you love him and your friendship will be ruined - which of course sounds heartbreaking at first, but such a friendship could never work anyway, so it is better to break it off sooner than later

    Now to stop the analysis, let me tell you that after I have told my friend (who already has a girlfriend at the time), he said he is very surprised, but is ok with it and that he really wants to remain my best friend if I can handle it - which I could, and now we are even better friends, because we know we can absolutely trust each other :slight_smile: I got over the love, because I know he is unavailable.

    Seriously, don't waste months of your life like I did and tell him right away - you will save yourself a lot of trouble :wink: only good things can come out of telling him
     
    #3 user123456, Nov 23, 2014
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