Trigger Warning - Ex attempted suicide

Hi all,

I received a text today from my ex girlfriend informing me that she overdosed on Sunday. It was not a text asking for help, or blaming me for anything, just simply informing me that she is now away from uni for a while.

We remained friends after the breakup, which was about 6 months ago, but I can't help worrying that I may have played some part in it. I know logically that I shouldn't blame myself, I'm just quite badly shaken.

Any words of advice from anyone who has experienced this would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

Islander

 

I replied telling her that I am very sorry for what has happened and I hope she is okay. I also said that I care about her as a friend and she can talk to me any time. She has not yet spoken to me though. I'm in a kind of limbo where I don't really know what's going on. I don't even know if she is in hospital or a mental health ward.

I knew about her self-harming while we were going out, and just before we broke up we had a conversation about it, which I think may have contributed. I think she felt like I didn't properly understand - I was trying to give her advice but I don't think any of it was very helpful. I should have just listened and been supportive. She initiated the break up, although it was mutual. We never actually discussed our breakup or relationship in any detail, we just sort of ended it. It was only a 4 month relationship.

However, we have a lot in common and agreed to stay friends. We see each other a lot at uni, and even went to a concert recently. I sometimes get the impression that either she still has feelings for me, or is trying to keep me interested to boost her self-esteem. It was particularly noticeable when we went on a night out last month she was being very flirtatious with me. She has also been leading a guy on, even though she has no interest in him and actually finds him quite 'gross' (she is a lesbian).

Anyway, a couple of days before her attempt, she was boasting about how she got the best mark in her exams last year, and I jokingly said to her 'wow, you're clever and modest'. Then the next day I saw her and she walked over in my direction, only to be stopped by one of her friends who started talking to her. I then left the room, as I had to be somewhere. I know these are all small things, but I think she has been a bit fragile lately because of so many deadlines, and she is a massive perfectionist. She also found out that I missed deadlines and didn't revise for my tests much, but still got extremely high marks, which may have made her feel worse. I know that theses are all seemingly small things but I don't think they helped. I could have been a better friend and actually asked her how she was doing more, and asked if she wanted to talk. But I feel like it's got a little awkward lately, because she is so busy and I only really see her on campus - and it's never a good time to have more than friendly chatter as one of us is usually with our friends. But I can't help feeling guilty.

Edit: I also think that I should have initiated a more in depth discussion about our relationship earlier, rather than allowing it to be swept under the rug and masked with friendship.