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Dealing with family during holiday season...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ChameleonSoul, Nov 25, 2014.

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  1. ChameleonSoul

    ChameleonSoul
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    I'm guessing it would be fine for me to post this here based on the description of this part of the forum since it's not vital for me to get an answer right away. If not, just let me know and I'll post this somewhere else.

    The holiday season is coming up soon and I will have to deal with distant family members starting on Thursday, going into the New Year. This really the first holiday season where I have fully accepted being gay and will have to face on their homophobia as if it were directed at me (even though I'm guessing it isn't). Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with even more homophobic family when separating oneself from them isn't an option?
     
    #1 ChameleonSoul, Nov 25, 2014
  2. ChameleonSoul

    ChameleonSoul
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    As for background information, I'm not out to anyone in my family yet. I'm guessing that my mother is ok with gay people since I haven't heard any homophobic remarks come from her, but my sister has said some things that could be taken as petty jabs at stereotypically gay people, so I'm not sure about her. My grandparents are extremely homophobic, constantly harping on about how it's disgusting, immoral and that they (me) should be locked up in one of those old mental hospitals. My extended family is pretty bad in general, but they are kind of varied in their homophobia, ranging anywhere from "I don't care but I don't want to see it" to "It should be illegal". Specifically I'm worried about my little cousins (5 and 3) being there and hearing homophobic remarks or even seeing me getting yelled at should I slip up with pronouns or be outed at some point.
     
    #2 ChameleonSoul, Nov 25, 2014
  3. Aspen

    Aspen
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    This is the #1 reason why I'm dreading going home. Both sides of my family are very homophobic. My mom's been known to go on long-winded rants about homosexuality. My dad's side of the family is mixed (I do have a cousin on that side that's a lesbian). My brother is relatively okay (a couple years ago he said "I'm okay with gay people, I just don't think they should get married"), but my sister and brother-in-law are homophobic.

    If you think ignorance is the problem and education you might, you could give it a shot. If not, I think the best thing is to just try to avoid the subject as much as possible. I'm sorry there isn't really anything more I can think to say.
     
    #3 Aspen, Nov 26, 2014
  4. WaitandBleed

    WaitandBleed Guest

    I feel like saying don't let it get to you, but I know it will. This is probably going to be one of those circumstances where you'll try to ignore the conversations, but as they persist, will eventually gain the courage to disagree and be firm. I used to be afraid to disagree with my family because they assumed I was gay and I think really enforced anti-homosexualism to try to deter me from that, (they think its a choice, probably like your family).
    The best advice I can give it to let it sink in your head that they're wrong and uninformed, so their rants have no basis. I think what happens, is because it's our family, we take their comments as facts subconsciously, which makes us feel bad about ourselves, when in reality their logic is wrong, so shouldn't affect you. If they knew what you knew, their is no way they could "disagree," with homosexuality, so just view them as being ignorant on the subject which makes the stings less personal. I think you have to kind of train yourself to do that over time.
    The best advice for the moment I can give is try to get yourself in a Christmassy-ass mood, like watch the grinch or something and admire the snow, you can zone out and still enjoy the holidays. I doubt they'll be talking about gays the entire time, so when they're not, that can be your chance to bring conversation in a more positive direction.
     
    #4 WaitandBleed, Nov 26, 2014
  5. ChameleonSoul

    ChameleonSoul
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    Luckily it's supposed to snow into tomorrow so that should at least keep me somewhat distracted from my ignorant family. My plan is that I'll keep a happy face every time they talk about something normal but come up with some sort of excuse to get away from everyone for a few minutes if the topic of LGBT people comes up. Hopefully next year I'll be able to come up with an excuse to stay behind at my college for the breaks.
     
    #5 ChameleonSoul, Nov 26, 2014
  6. ahardlife

    ahardlife
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    Iv'e learned to grin & bare it .I will admit I have in the past Ive had fights with my dad Or a cousin on Christmas day or Boxing day & it really upset mum so the past 4 years have be better dad tries not to wind me up with sarcastic comments .
     
    #6 ahardlife, Dec 7, 2014
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