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Should I (Bi) tell my straight crush that I like him? Please Help! :-(?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by jrafraf73998, Nov 26, 2014.

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  1. jrafraf73998

    jrafraf73998
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    I'll cut the long story short. I am a 20 year old bisexual guy who I met this 19 year old straight guy that I have a crush on a couple of months ago, ever since I started college. To me, he is very attractive, good looking guy which I think every ladies would fall upon him. Even true to himself when he is with me, which to me he is an awesome guy to begin with. We come from a common troubled past, both socially awkward, talking about deep stuff and also share ''some'' things in common (though we are very different). We have lunch together during breaks and even taking at times the train together to head back home (we fooled around the train a bit).

    But when I got that ''crush mode'' going on overtime, I thought I was going insane - trying to get out of my mind. At first, I thought that he's the guy for me, seeing ''us'' long term. Then logic took over, feeling is that I am just infatuated or in lust with him or just falling ''in love'' out of his physical features. Even to this day, I don't know what state I am when I think about him. I just feel like I'm wasting my time on studies amongst others because of him.

    He is completely straight and again every ladies (and maybe some guys?) would chase after him. He's attractive, I'm not. I'm an intellect but he's into anime and animation (but I have to admit that he is smart).

    He is completely straight and again every ladies (and maybe some guys?) would chase after him. He's attractive, I'm not. I'm an intellect but he's into anime and animation (but I have to admit that he is smart).

    Now that the plan is just I want to avoid him as much as I can, through different means possible, to make my mind off him. I just left a WhatsApp group because of him (doing it the same for Facebook later on). Whatever person who is associated to him, I'll just likely to block that person (I'm ok with it since I'm anyways not so sociable per se). Even not talking or touching him. Just avoiding him, that's the best plan I could ever put on the table.

    I don't want to change him but by the end of the day, I just want to be honest with him by telling him. If I'd tell him now, I would avoid all the drama that occurs later on. I would accept any circumstances if he wants to or not to remain as friends. To me, I would just see each other as friends than lovers and keeping that way as it is.

    I would want to tell him before I fly back to Germany for Christmas and New Years, but I would want some advice on this before making any more moves. I'm just as confused to tell this and also admitting my crush to him. Sorry for the vocabulary/grammar if it is ever confusing. I hope its not cheesy or dramatic. :bang: :confused:
     
    #1 jrafraf73998, Nov 26, 2014
  2. Feng

    Feng
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    I'm on the same boat mate, the slow-boat to China!! Literally!! I'm in beijign at the mo!!

    I too have a crush that I'm trying to keep under control!! I'm very popular with the boys over here and if I had a dime for every time I've been groped, fingered, kissed passionately etc etc I could retire!! But the catch is all the said guys have girlfriends!! Very confusing

    So this particular guy has no girlfriend!! He knows I like guys and thinks is cool!! all his friends think we are a couple!! To his confusion!! He swears he is straight!! I'm even doing research on oriental body language to suss him out!! The things one is reduced to!! He thinks I'm gorgeous and is very protective of me!! My f##king brain!!

    So we are in a similar situation!! Do we spit it out or make a move?? Either way we might be facing rejection!!

    First off I think you are being too reactionary in blocking him and all related him on social media!! Its like you are rejecting him before he gets the chance to reject you!! If you in the past have spoken with him about deep issues well....................tell him straight(pardon the pun)!! I don't think making a move is advisable for the moment!! But thats just me!! Your relationship is based on speech just tell him!!

    Sometimes the reality is quite simple and like me you tend to over-complicate!! Simplicity can be scary, disappointing or even better than you imagined!!

    This year a bass player from a punk band here in BJ(yikes) came out to me as bisexual and said he wanted to be with me!! Cue furious kissing!! But in the long run he ran away and got himself a girlfriend and I barely hear from him now!!

    It sure aint easy

    But I hope things work out!! Closure is the only cure for what u are suffering!!

    Be Brave
     
    #2 Feng, Nov 26, 2014
  3. shinji

    shinji Guest

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    Sorry, sleepy. Just read... "should i tell him", "straight as an arrow".

    No. Ask yourself, what are you hoping to achieve here? Also, coming out like this, might have a positive effect (people like to be liked) but it won't help you, personally. It will increase the torment, that voice in the back of your head telling you that something might happen. You yourself stated that it can't... So start obsessing over someone else. Avoiding him will backfire, will make you miss him more, just be casual with him, best way to forget people, is how i'm dealing with my boy. Being indifferent (not ignoring him, do make a difference) is quite useful in these situations.
     
    #3 shinji, Nov 26, 2014
  4. dopplershift94

    dopplershift94
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    First of all, does he know that you're bisexual? If not, tell him that first, and see how he reacts. If he's okay with it, wait a little while and then tell him that you have feelings for him. I think telling him will make it easier to get over him if he doesn't feel the same way. I was in the same boat as you, and I told my friend that I liked him, and I don't regret it one bit. He didn't feel the same way, but he was cool with, and I'm over him. If you want to know more about what happened and how I did it. Check out my thread here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/famil...u-tell-your-straight-crush-you-like-them.html

    If you need anymore additional advice, pm me.
     
    #4 dopplershift94, Nov 28, 2014
  5. jrafraf73998

    jrafraf73998
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    Thanks you guys for responding my messages. Sorry it took a while to reply because I was busy with studies and exams (doing so really took my mind off him). I wish I could've seen more responses but I think this will suffice. I really hoping to see more responses along the way.

    Personally, I just accept the fact that he's straight and I can't change him. Whenever we hang out he always talks or comments about girls and him being on *****, kick etc. which I got jealous for him doing so though not showing any face. Even girls as far as I observed are sooo into him. And he has his friends, and I would only be treated as an acquaintance from college that he see's everyday, like a side person. I will be casual but not too casual with him.

    I would let time pass to get over that feeling of infatuated or having crushes to him and just licking my wounds. I know this because I have my own interest and also final exams are fast approaching, wasting my thoughts on him will just bring out the bad. I just need my peace of mind without him by the end of the day.

    But if I opted to tell him, as a final question, what would be the best way to do so. I thought it would be ideal to tell him directly to his face at the last class before I fly home, but I'm just nervous/anxious to do thinking that I would be viewed negatively by him if I told him. Even conveying the idea that I would tell him through WhatsApp/FB of telling my feelings to him, but I feel it wouldn't be so sincere. I just want to tell him so It can bring out closure within myself and be honest with him. Even telling him, I just want to be friends or if he wants to, he can cut off our relationship or reduce my interactions with him.
     
    #5 jrafraf73998, Dec 3, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2014
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