She has done it again, she stated while I was looking for books that If I was gay she would need to take me to the doctor. I can now believe she will do that, but you know what I think that she is in extreme denial, she can't seem to see anything, she thinks I'm sick and I'm not in fact I was very happy before she made the comment. But then she just randomly said it out of the air when I was looking for a book to read. It pains me to think that I thought she would be accepting, but she is the opposite of accepting, she's a closeted homophobe and when her son came out, she just unleashed her homophobic behaviour. But to be honest what is the point of taking everything she says seriously, I mean I'm going to stay on this forum no matter what she says, I'm going to keep being happy about who I really am and if she can't accept I'm gay, she doesn't accept me as a person. It's as simple as that. If she is going to make comments like that, she needs more help than I do. Combine this action with the past actions she's done and it's really blatantly obvious that she is trying to talk the gay out of me by saying how can you be gay. I've given you good reasons for you not being gay, They are very valid. I've begun to not say anything cause what is the point of trying to explain it to her. I have the genetics, I have everything and yet she seems to think I need to go to the doctor. I think the not saying anything is what is keeping me in the house, I've expressed that I want to move out, but they seem intent on keeping me there, so I've decided that maybe I could try and get a boyfriend and move in with him if he lives on his own. If that is the case I would be able to get out of the house and leave my homophobic mother behind. I understand the steps of denial and such. But I'm unsure of what to do, do I tell her if she is making comments like that, Do I keep silent and just ignore what she says about my sexuality.
It depends. You say that your silence is what is keeping you away from "doctors" and in the house, so it seems pretty important that you keep that up, at least for now. As long as you feel you can handle her comments and continue to feel completely accepting of yourself, then ignore what she says. But consistent criticism and homophobic talk can have a really negative effect after a while. If you ever feel like you can't ignore it anymore, then say something. Keep it general, don't apply it to yourself. Let her assume you're talking about you if she wishes to. Say "that is an inconsiderate thing to say" or "maybe if you understood sexuality better, you wouldn't think that."
I'm definitely going to stay silent. I always do, what I tell myself is how do your reasons for me not being gay make sense. She always gives such random reasons for some of the signs I've shown. Anyone else who sees those signs would have the gaydar going off full blast. If I am going to say something I'll definitely keep it general. Thanks for the helpful post QueHaPasado.
What is a doctor going to say? If it's just a standard medical doctor/family doctor, and you explain the situation, they will probably tell you and your mum that you're completely normal. It could actually work in your favour if you do go to the doctor with your mum - having a doctor tell her that you're just gay and can't be cured may well help speed up her coming to terms with things. Could you call your doctor first and explain the situation, and see what s/he thinks? If you make clear that the problem is your mum trying to straighten you out, and that's causing you psychological anguish, then the doctor should be able to help out by confirming that you're perfectly normal.
What iv'e learned is that everyone is human. Parents, siblings and family members are just as HUMAN as anyone else and they can be selfish/selfless, mean/kind, trustworthy/deceptive your enemy or your ally, and make mistakes. Don't assume that they have your best interest in mind and are automatically your biggest fan, treat them with the same scrutiny and suspicions you place on friends and strangers. A father that sexual abuses his son and threatens him obviously doesn't care about him or who pimps his daughter doesn't care about her well being, who sabotages their old sick parent so they'll die faster and pass on inheritance. You need to accept that family can be just as bad as anyone out their and you have too watch everyone with careful eyes.
It's the thought that she thinks I have to go to a doctor that is the thing I don't like. I know I'm perfectly normal and yet she is thinking I have to go to a doctor and yes I do have to go to some doctors, but not any in relation to my sexuality. She means a professional at that sort of thing as well maybe a psychiatrist or a psychologist. I don't need to see a doctor. I understand that the doctor can help out with saying "Oh your son is perfectly normal and from what he's told me ..." I know the doctor would say that absolutely. But I think my mother is a bit more stubborn than that, you see she thinks her age makes her opinion more valid. She is round about 50 years old. I hadn't thought of going to the doctor and I'm sure that the doctor would take all the evidence I have and confirm that I am gay of all things as well. I don't need confirmation of that, but you do have a good point it may help my mother in that my doctor may see it the same way as I do. I hope so, but then I am disabled as well and that seems to make myself less valid in what I say even though it's true.
If your mother says things like that, don't even take it seriously. Comments like that are so backward and ignorant, as to be laughable. You need to develop a 'psychic shield' around yourself. Be strong within yourself and the knowledge that you are and have always been ok, and don't let the words of ignorant folks penetrate to your heart at all. Even if it's your own mother, you have to choose who you let in to your head. Don't give her comment a second thought, send it to the dustbin of stupid, ignorant comments and forget about it. It's healthy to enjoy and express one's sexuality, whatever that might be. What is unhealthy, is to repress one's sexuality. Your mom has got things backwards. Andy. (*hug*)
