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Bisexual male, need advice concerning a relationship issue.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by HopelessEspurr, Nov 28, 2014.

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  1. HopelessEspurr

    HopelessEspurr
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    First of all I'm a bisexual male, and my boyfriend has been cutting himself for the past week. we've known each other since third grade and we've been dating since we were both 12 years old. we're both 14 now with only a month split in our birthdays lol.

    anyway he's the love of my life ( no doubt about it) and I want to center the rest of my life around him. however he's been a complete mess recently and has major depression so it's very difficult for him to enjoy life with me :frowning2:

    he's been cutting himself recently because he claims it 'eases the emotional distress'. I hate seeing him like this. I've been comforting him lately by sleeping with him every night and never leaving his sight. My shoulder is always there for him to cry on and I provide him with long cuddles all day, but he's still very stressed and can't seem to enjoy anything. he's asked me to never leave him and that's something I can assure I've already accomplished, but I just want him to know that. he still continues to cry and thinks I'm going to leave him.

    He doesn't sit next to me during lunch anymore... and then later that night he starts to cry and says things like 'I'm sorry for ignoring you' and 'I should have been next to you... I'm an idiot'... he just keeps talking down to himself and calling himself worthless... I want him to realize that in my eyes he is beautiful just the way he is and I will never think anything less of him. He doesn't laugh anymore either... I miss his cute laugh... the only times I can make him laugh is when I tickle him or play with his hair... other than that he doesn't randomly make jokes or laugh when we're playing video games, at school, or doing crafts anymore... and I miss that so much.

    Please help me.. how do I let him know sincerely that I will never leave him? :frowning2:

    I just want to support him as much as I can so we can go back to having fun together... I miss seeing him excited at school and us having lunch together... and us playing video games together all night and having sleep overs, etc. It breaks my heart so much to see him hurt... I want him to be ok, I know he loves me, but it's just hard for him to express it right now... As I have said to him before, I will NEVER think about leaving his sight and the real side of him is still there under the dark shadows covering him now. And my love will help move those shadows away so I can see the side of him I've always known and loved. :slight_smile:

    Thanks for reading and any positive/uplifting comments are greatly appreciated ^ . ^
     
    #1 HopelessEspurr, Nov 28, 2014
  2. Spartan 117

    Spartan 117
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    Hi there!

    I'm sorry your boyfriend is going through a really tough time at the moment. My instinct, although I'm not a trained therapist - is to tell you that his insecurities are probably amplified by his over all depression. He's obviously going through a very dark period in his life, and it's great that you're there to support him. It does sound like he could really benefit from seeing a therapist about his self harming and depression. Is this something you could suggest to him, if he isn't seeing someone already?

    I think there's not a lot you can do personally, apart from support him as you have been doing. I know it's horrible to feel powerless to help someone you love, but I really think until he has medical and/or psychological help for his underlying issues, it'll be hard.

    It's important to remember his issues and mental health problems are not your fault. He isn't just this way because he thinks you'll leave him, there's a lot more going on which you have no control over. When you're depressed, it can be hard to think clearly and I'm sure you've reassured him that you're not leaving him. I bet deep down he knows that you won't.

    You sound like a great and caring boyfriend. (*hug*) He is lucky to have you, and I'm sure both of you will get through this horrible time.
     
    #2 Spartan 117, Nov 28, 2014
  3. Aaron165

    Aaron165
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    That's really sad maybe it's a phase but if not I am a chunk of percent sure that your love is strong enough to get through it.
     
    #3 Aaron165, Nov 28, 2014
  4. HopelessEspurr

    HopelessEspurr
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    Thanks for the support. (*hug*)

    I've been trying to talk him into seeking help from his counselor, but he continues to avoid any mentioning of his depression or self harm during counseling. He's likely a bit scared to mention it... I have been trying to pressure him into seeking help by explaining that I will ride through the path with him, but he doesn't seem to be able to cope with that... I honestly just want what's best for him, because I literally cannot live without his presence.

    He was actually on escitalopram in July but discontinued taking his meds without his doc's approval. I have no information on why he decided to do that. all I can say is that he needs to reinstate himself because it's worrying me to death. He's not suicidal as far as I know, he just cuts to 'feel something'.

    Any advice on how to encourage him to get some mental care? I've been considering trying to talk to his mother about it, but I really don't know anymore... :icon_sad:
     
    #4 HopelessEspurr, Nov 28, 2014
  5. Aspen

    Aspen
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    I'd just like to second all of this. If he's not already, encourage him to seek professional help, whether it's from a school counselor or an outside psychologist. Depression is a hard thing to shake. Self-harm has an odd way of relieving emotional turmoil for a while, but it's neither a healthy or permanent solution. Depression has a tendency to suck all of the light out of someone's world. It sounds like the best thing for you to do is what you're already doing, supporting him and trying to help him through it, but it would also be a good idea to encourage him to seek out the help that he needs.

    I know it's not easy to watch someone go through it, but he's lucky to have you. (*hug*)

    Edit: It does sound like he might be afraid to mention it during counseling. Perhaps if he continued to go, he might be able to build up to it. I'm not sure there's really anything that you can do other than be supportive and suggest that it would be all right if he did talk about it. If he doesn't feel comfortable with or trust his therapist, that could be another reason and maybe it would be better if he found someone else.

    I would never be able to tell you his reasons for stopping medication, but a lot of people do because of side effects or they feel like they're being overly reliant on medication or they don't like the way it makes them feel. Sometimes it takes a while to find the right one, or even the right combination.

    Talking to his mother might be a good idea, depending on their relationship and how aware she is that her son is struggling.
     
    #5 Aspen, Nov 28, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2014
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